Never Thought I'd say This

I want to blog.

I honestly want to blog right now. I haven't the slightest idea why...I never have before...and this is pretty much my fourth or fifth blog...and this is really the only one I've ever wanted to keep up with.

Feel honored, blog.

You see, the problem is, I really don't think I have anything new to say. Last week was just a;skdfjpafiubhakfgjfghdkfjldfjh;fj CRAZY! Getting into all of those organizations and everything starting all at once...it was fantastic!

But this week is just kind of...you know...blah-ish.

I mean...it's snowing on March 30th...RHA Presidential Elections are tomorrow...I was nominated for NRHH Secretary on Monday...Zack and I are good...There's stuff going on just not "bloggable" stuff I suppose.

Or I"m going crazy...that's possible too =P

Oh Wait, There's One More...

10) NRHH Secretary

I'm CRAZY for Leaderhip! ...or just crazy =P

In the year 2011, even though it is only March, I have been nominated for NINE leadership positions:

1) NRHH Selection Committee
2) IRHO Parliamentarian
3) IRHO Assistant Director of Administration
4) NRHH President
5) Accelerate Student Coordinator
6) GLACURH Parliamentarian
7) GLACURH Indiana Regional Communications Coordinator
8) SGA Parliamentarian
9) RHA President

Now, thankfully I did not win/accept all of these positions! The ones that I will be continuing with next year are:

-IRHO Parliamentarian
-Accelerate Student Coordinator
-GLACURH Parliamentarian
-SGA Parliamentarian

Technically, I already accepted and fulfilled my duties of NRHH Selection Committee; it was something I obtained but it's already been and done with so it's not in the list for positions for next year.

I am foreseeing another nomination or two but I'm not holding my breath. I absolutely LOVE how much parliamentary procedure I'll be dealing with next year!

I'm currently home for the weekend. I just got my hair cut and I'm going shopping with mom and sister and then I work Saturday and Sunday and I'll be back on campus Sunday night. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss certain people up there =)

As usual, Life Is Good...for always and forever <3

How Much do You Want Your Brain to Hurt?

This is what my Linguistics professor just e-mailed me:

I want to make you aware of a mistake I made in class today. When we were writing down the different word classes for each of the words in the sentence, "Many executives eat..." I mistakenly said that 'really' was an adjective. I had heard a question about whether you can have multiple adjectives and knew the answer was yes, but then mistakenly tried to prove it with the wrong sentence.

While 'really' is traditionally considered an adverb in grammar circles, our book actually would identify 'really' as a degree word that expresses a degree of 'fanciness' (like very fancy, or so fancy). The reason it's not an adverb or adjective here is because it is a function word that always modifies adjectives or adverbs and because new words don't enter this category (like open class words).

ooouuuuuchhhhhhhhh

Why is she my roomie again?

Amy:
you're
not
here
right
now
but
i
can
see
the
thing
pop
up
as
i
type
each
word
its'
actually
kinda
funny
watching
the
words
pop
up
as
i
hit
the
enter
button
i
wonder
when
you
are
gonna
get
back
cuz
i
could
just
keep'
going
on
like
this
i
think
i
wil
will*
oh
my
i
messed
up
well
that's
all
well
and
good
this
is
going
to
be
fun
for
you
to
read
when
you
get
back
if
you
get
back
are
you
back
yet
?
?
?
:|[
hm
it
was
supposed
to
be
a
robot
:|]:|]
Ah
hah!
got
it
:):)
oh
yea
you
wanted
to
try
my
mint
cookie
thing
a
ma
bobs

Emma:
YOU ARE A CRAZY MAD WOMAN!!!!!!

Thankful in March

I have had a great week. Actually, I've had a great last five and a half weeks. It's been absolutely fantastic! There have been some ups, downs, and curveballs thrown my way, but just how I feel today and how I know I will feel tomorrow makes this entire journey worth it.

I have been feeling moderately down lately because I feel my on campus involvement has been coming to an irreversible close. I've been trying to see this more as an opportunity to move on to bigger and better things, such as the IRHO and GLACURH organizations. Which I have...I am guaranteed a position of sorts in IRHO and I submitted two applications for GLACURH. And I did eventually get the Accelerate Student Coordinator position which will be really nice...but I still felt like I wouldn't be doing anything during the actual school year and that made me sad...especially since that has been a constant of mine for the past two years.

I had never shown interest in the Student Government Association before. I was all 100% Residence Hall Life coming in and I haven't backed down since. Today, I got an e-mail from the President of the new slate: Catalyst

"Emma,
Since you picked up RHA, I have heard nothing short of amazing reviews of your understanding of Parliamentary Procedure. While RHA and SGA are two distinct organizations, our procedures have much in common. Chris, Megan, Mary, and I have given a lot of thought as to who we would love to have by our side in our executive positions, and we would like to offer you the position of Parliamentarian. It is a very distinguished position, basically giving you the title of in-house expert concerning Robert's Rules of Order and Parliamentary Procedure. The position requires attendance of Senate Meetings and two office hours a week in the SGA office. Your current non involvement in the SGA is very much ideal, because the Parliamentarian is called to be impartial in Senate decisions, and rather serving as the final authority on Parli Pro. Our current Parliamentarian, Devin Hillsdon-Smith, is without a doubt the most knowledgeable person I have ever met concerning Robert's Rules. He has served the position for two years, and he has already said that he would love to help transition the next Parliamentarian. Also I would like to welcome you to sit in on a Senate meeting if you would like to get a feel for it before hand. We meet today (Wed) at 3:15 in Cardinal Hall B of the Student Center. If you have any questions whatsoever, please feel free to let me know. I look forward to hearing back from you. Have a great day!
--
Kayla Pickersgill
President
BSU Student Government Association"

They've heard of ME! They came to ME! Something that I never even hinted that I was interested in, and they know my name and my skills and they asked ME!!!!!

*does happy dance*

I completely freaked out when I read this e-mail. It was not something I was expecting at all and I was completely enthralled! Zack was there, he saw my initial reaction and how excited I was.

Seeing this, it reminded me why I love Student Life here at Ball State and why I have invested so much of my time in extra curricular activities all my life. I am thankful for the opportunities that have been presented to me--especially the ones that I don't expect. It truly is an honor and a privilege to be known on such a grand level.

I am thankful for everything that has effected my life and put me where I am today. It's a fantastic feeling...I feel so loved by my family, friends, and boyfriend. I feel so supported by my colleagues who show me opportunities I might not have seen on my own.

I feel happy. Truly and completely happy.

Oh Yeah, This JUST Happened...

Emma: No prob, Bob

Amy: Thanks, Bill

Emma: Anytime, Fred

Amy: For real, Frank

Emma: You know it, Paul

Amy: For sure I do, Larry

Emma: Indeed, Steve

Amy: I need to get back to work lol

OH THE FRENCH!!!

So. I've noticed in my past two years of college that a lot of people change their majors. Talking to some of these major-changers, I've asked why. The answers I've typically gotten is either "it was something I thought I enjoyed more than I actually did" or "I thought that if it became my profession instead of a hobby I'd end of hating and resenting it".

You want to know something cool? I don't think I've ever felt that way about French. It's been a major part of my life for almost six years now, and I'm working on making it my career. Even when I was thinking about changing my major I was keeping the French and losing the education, not the other way around. It is something that has influenced my life so much that I feel *not* making a career out of it would be a waste of a fantastic talent.

I mean, in all seriousness, it's not like you can recreationally keep up with a language. I mean...you kind of can...but not at the same competence level as teaching it everyday for the rest of your life! GAH FRENCH!!!

And trust me, it's not like I'm not exposed to it enough or anything. If nothing else I'm exposed to it MORE NOW than I will be once I become a teacher. I mean, last semester I took three French classes along with foreign language education along with honors translations. This semester I'm taking only one French class, but I'm working on my honors thesis...which is a 16th century translation.

Not a fan of the translation...especially when I was supposed to have all summer to work on it. I found out about this yesterday and I have to have at least 100 lines by Monday...sheesh!

...but I still want to do it. Call me crazy! (I am crazy if I want to translate something that most dictionaries now don't recognize...) Dr. Gilman tells me every time I translate that I have a knack for it. Even though this is something I have absolutely no interest in, because I am told I have a knack for it, I want to continue.

...yup I'm crazy. OH THE FRENCH!

The Simplicity of Being Blunt

This weekend was awesome. Completely and utterly one of the best weekends I could ever imagine.

In short, it consisted of a lot of boyfriend time, friend time, and family time. I got to go home, see family and friends, as well as see my sister perform in Belles et Beaux for her last ISSMA State Competition. They got 3rd but I was soooo proud of them--their show was AMAZING! It was fantastic I was constantly screaming, clapping, and squeezing Zack's hand because I was just so excited for them!

Then I decided to be the good girlfriend and go to Zack's desk hours and just spend more time with him. The time actually went by pretty quickly; I guess all of those box office hours at Rave are paying off so I can stand for his entire shift ;-)

You know and there's just been a lot of fun, cute stuff. I really can't go into description of it all because words can't start to describe the happiness I've been experiencing. It's just been an altogether great weekend due to several different aspects of my life.

I can't wait to do it all again =)

Life. Is. Good. =)

Wait...WHAT?!?!

Since when did I become such a blogging enthusiast? Earlier you'd be lucky if I'd post once a month...now March is being completely blown up by my posts! Granted, some are just poems, but STILL! This is not usual!

...not complaining =)

No Day But Today

That's what I've been living for pretty much this entire week. Take everything one day at a time, and don't look too far into the future or too far into the past. Live in the moment and seize the day.

It's hard. I'm used to holding grudges and I'm used to planning as far as possible in advance. Thinking only about the now AND being content with that is a very hard task to undergo.

The boyfriend is helping with that. It's extremely easy to think only about the now when the now is with him...be it in class, or just walking, or hanging out, or being all couple-y...yeahhhhhh =)

This week has been an adventure of closing doors and opening new ones. Sometimes behind those new doors there has been a bottomless pit...but in others I have found the path that I should be on. Although I did not obtain the NRHH presidency, I will be returning to campus early next year to be the Accelerate Program Student Coordinator. This is a position that I was approached about (one of my advisors thought I'd be good for it) and then after discussing what all it would entail, I received it. It's a great feeling knowing that I will be impacting new leader minds next year =)

I am currently going for three off-campus positions. One is with the Indiana Residence Hall Organization (IRHO) for the Assistant Director of Administration, and the other two are with the Great Lake Affiliate College and University Residence Halls (GLACURH) for the Parliamentarian or Indiana Regional Communication Coordinator (RCC) positions. Even though these wouldn't go into effect until next year, it is a big part of my life now because I am going through applications and the entire appointment process.

Therefore, I justify my future thinking.

The future thinking I am trying not to justify is about my friends, my career, my relationship, and just all of the "what if" statements that could possibly happen. By the same token, I'm trying to stray away from the "what if I had" statements from my past. Even though they fill my life with thoughts and sheer wonder, it can lead to senarios that I don't want to consider, and that's not healthy.

I'm looking for a "no doubts no regrets" type of living here. Hopefully that will help me with everything that is going on in my life right now. I'm getting ready to go home tomorrow morning so I can see my sister in her last year of show choir perform at the state competition. I get to see both my immediate and extended family, and they get to see me, some college friends, and they get to meet the boyfriend as well. It's going to be a great day--I'm completely enthused.

Today...everything is going great. I love how I feel, what has occurred, and just the security I feel I've been given with who I am, the choices I've made, and how they affect my life. I am Me, and I am accepted for that. It's a great feeling to realize and I hope it stays as long as possible.

~~~

"There's only now, there's only here. Give into love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today"

Whatever Happens--Happens

We are as we are.
A map of our entire being
Has been made up.
By which we know,
Our future has been planned.
We are destined to be this.
Every choice we make—
We think we make—
Is just another step forward
To the putting down the quill,
To the last word being typed,
To the end of our memories
--but to the start of
Our maps being made once more.

Teen "Love"

Unseen to all her thoughts may now come true,
Behold the truth her thoughts are all of you.

Harmonious Nature

A breeze is found comforting;
The trees are rustling gently.
A bird’s chirp is not out of place.
Some find it the perfect moment...
The moment where you can live and almost believe
That nothing else is wrong in this world.
If only it could last,
If only time could freeze,
If only real life was as comforting as the breeze.

Can't Argue with Desire

A romantic setting:
Lights, camera, action,
The man is his natural habitat.
The other—putty in his hands--
She walks around the setting
Absorbing the views he presents.
It’s obvious what she feels;
He sees it too,
But desires come before needs.
He does not care
And takes a night of pleasure,
Over a lifetime of love.

Please just...Please

Tell me to fly—tell me to live.
Let me see the joys of the world.
Show me love—show me need.
Let me know that I am special.
Allow me to not be alone.
Let me be free.

A Breath of Difference

You see his eyes, his gaze on you;
You wish time could stand still.
If only life were just so easy.
The moment comes, the lovely thrill...
Who knows? When you both draw near,
A breath of air separates barely;
The two embrace and reunite--
All is forgiven.

The True Meaning

Actions speak louder than words,
The old saying goes.
But what is an action
Without words to go with it?
Yet what is the truth behind words
Without actions to prove them?
So if truth be told,
Actions are not louder than words,
Nor
Words are louder than actions
Depending on the emotions behind either.
Love…hate…indifference;
It is the meaning
Behind the actions of the words
That can hurt the most.

Who's Falling?

I’m falling, dear.
Why don’t you catch me?
No ropes beneath me;
Nothing to support or break my fall.
But there you are on the ground
To the side of my falling
Presence.
Not moving to me…
…Or away for that matter
I’m scared, dear.
I wish I could see what you’d do.
I want you to catch me,
And tell me that everything’s alright.
Everything is alright…isn’t it?
What’s wrong, dear?
Not going to catch me?
Hold on, dear
I’ll catch you

About as un-blunt as it gets

It's unblunt (nonblunt?) because I have no idea what to feel...and it's hard to be blunt about something if you don't know what to be blunt about. I'm just tired of all these situations going through my head with absolutely no answers...I just have to write them down in hopes to make sense of *any* of it.

So I have this friend...lol (ps this is all from her perspective, it's very one sided)

She really likes this guy, and has for a couple of months, but when they would talk and hang out, he would talk about this other girl that he was kind of sort of with. So, my friend decided that she was fine just being friends with this guy.

Fulling wanting to embrace this newfound friendship, she asked him to see a free performance that the campus offers. He accepted and they went together and had a good time. He walked her back, they talked, hugged, and went their separate ways.

Then all of a sudden they're texting and talking all the time, insinuating that they like each other. They even said that the way they were acting was like leading up to dating. Well my friend decided to ask this guy to another free event--this time a movie--and he accepted again.

Well the day of the event, they started holding hands, held hands all throughout the event, and they went back to her room afterward and he stayed the night. Sounds like mutual likingness if you ask me, right?

Well, they weren't "in a relationship" after that. They were just "dating exclusively" (what's the difference?) I guess it doesn't really matter, she seemed happy, he seemed happy, they were extremely disgusting to watch (in a cute sort of way)

Well they did a month of that dating, and then he decided to ask her to be his girlfriend. She was overjoyed! It was obvious that she was wanting that from the start!

Happily Ever After, right? Come on now, would I be putting this here if it were?

No, She found out last night that the third day they were "in a relationship" he cheated on her. Not like holding hands kissing cheating on her...full out sex with another girl cheating on her. The SAME girl that he was "kind of sort of" with at the beginning of this whole story. She also found out that he did this once while they were "dating exclusively".

She seems to have handled it really well. She didn't cry, but she didn't dump him either. They talked and he seemed really apologetic...HE was crying because he hated seeing her hurt like that...he promised her that he would never hurt her again. So she believed him and gave him a second chance.

Was that the right thing to do? Can he be trusted again? Does he deserve the second chance?

From my point of view, I'd be wondering what I did wrong. I mean, obviously there's the physical commitment that he couldn't get with my friend so he found it elsewhere...but what's to stop him from doing it again? And is it my friends fault for not being ready after a month or so of dating and then relationship...ing? Who does the fault fall to and who deserves to be punished?

Who's in the right? Who's wrong? I hate not knowing...

You see, I say "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". So a second chance can be warranted if you feel that you'll never be fooled again, because if you are, it's on you. So if you're that sure and are willing to look like a fool...go for it. And the fact that my friend is so convinced that he's truly sorry...then she's more than in her power to keep him as long as she understands what'll happen if she's wrong and he does cheat again.

Oh the craziness that is college love...or "love"...or lust...or like...or really love...who knows?

I apologize

So. I have to apologize to someone. Or about someone...no, to someone, but not to their face. I have no idea if this person reads my blog so I can't say if he'll get my apology or not.

The first two weeks I decided to run for NRHH president, I could not tell in my head or in my heart if it was something I truly wanted, or if it was something that I just wanted to beat this friend at. When I had decided to run, I put the stipulation that I would only run if I got an RA position.

Well, I didn't get an RA position, but that day I still wanted to run. I took that as a sign that I truly wanted this position, and I wasn't running for selfish reasons.

So, I ran, and I did not obtain the position against my friend--he did. And when I found out...nothing. No sadness, no anger, no spite...NOTHING! Am I really that selfless that I know he was the better of us two to be in the position?

Nope.

Reflecting, I see that I truly wanted this position just to go up against my friend. The fact that I still wanted the position on the day I found out I wouldn't be an RA doesn't mean I really wanted the position. It means that when I found out that HE got an RA position and was still running, my competitiveness kicked in and I wanted to beat him at *something*, since he beat me at that.

Sucks, right? I'm sorry, Friend, that I used you like that. Looks like I'm still the manipulative bitch I was trying to run away from.

Nothing is the Same Anymore

Finding Yourself

Roaming free in the wild
I can see the importance
Of knowing who you are
Walking on an old path
You find memories
And ideas that were never seen
Grazing hills in curiosity
Feeling the wind on your shoulders
You know you’re not alone
Wandering along a shore
Hearing nature’s calls
You’re able to think
Doing what you do best
Knowing what has become of you
You finally find yourself
It’s easy to mistake freedom
For courage
For faith
For anything
Even captivity


My life is changing. I'm finally leaving an organization that has been my life for the past two years. I need to move on and move up with my life. I am going for a higher position tonight, and that could shape my life even more. It's a change I want to make--I'm willing to make. And if tonight doesn't work out, there are more positions still higher than where I was that I am looking at. My life is changing--nothing is guaranteed and it honestly frightens me.

However, I'm lucky to have friends, family, and a dear loved one by my side. They will continue to love me no matter what position I earn or what status I gain. I love my friends and family, but I am extremely happy that Zack had decided to join me on my journey here. He has been a big part of my life this past month by being a friend as well as anything I have needed emotionally. I'm very blessed, and I'm looking forward to continuing my journey with him by my side.


Depths of Distance

Look into my eyes
And get lost in them
Pools of crystal blind you
Take over your world the spell has been cast
You cannot look away

I look into your eyes
And lost myself in the depths
The brown orbs consume me
Take over all my will
The charm has worked
I cannot look away

Lost as we are in each other
A distance remains
Lies do not become us
For the truth is revealed
And the spell is broken
With the blink of an eye

Watch All Previous Knowledge Fade Away

Serenity is evident.
The sole soul saunters away.
She shows the way
She knows the way.
No words are spoken.
All motion is movement.
Her eyes stay forward.
No regrets are evident.
She shows the way
She knows the way.
Step by step she sways.
The trees slowly slide out of the way.
They make a path for her to follow.
A smile is seen upon her face.
Stars shine in the pure eyes.
Secrets are locked away.
She shows the way
She knows the way.
But she cannot lead any longer.
The path has ended.
She has stopped.

Oh how I wish I could Put Your Name as a Title Right Now

My head aches,
My soul shakes,
I feel hopeless and confused.

Help no one,
Hurt by all,
I don't know what to do.

My head aches,
And my heart breaks.