Ok, so last night my sister and roommate and I decided we wanted to see the new Hunger Games movie. Having read all the books and seen the first two movies, it was already setting up to be a good night. As we approach the theater, we see a fire truck and ambulance in front of the theater and we see them haul in a stretcher...obviously someone is just having the time of their life right now.
We get in, get our tickets and head to the concession stand where a worker flags me down saying "Miss Dennis Miss Dennis!"
...let me set the picture for you. It's 7:00pm, I'm in sweat pants, boots, a tshirt, and my glasses...not anywhere close to the appearance of professional. It's also been over three months since I stopped working at the movie theater, and I've seen less than a handful of movies there since. Considering how I was "Emma" for three and a half years and "Miss Dennis" for only eight months...but my teacher brain is getting used to it, so I digress..
"Miss Dennis Miss Dennis!"
I go over to the worker gesturing to me, and with her is a customer at the concession stand. "He was in the theater where the customer had a seizure and he left his drink in there and was wondering if he could get another one..."
...at this point I'm staring at her with my eyes wide. The only thing I feel safe to say her her is "You DO realize I don't work here anymore, right?"
The customer burst out laughing and the worker said yes, she knew, but with all the hubbub she didn't want to be the one to ask a meaningless question over the radio...which on one hand I get...but on the other, my sister was with me, and she's a current employee AND a supervisor...so she would technically be leaps and bounds more qualified to make that judgement call than I would.
It's just...really? Like, REALLY? Did that REALLY just happen?!
Monday, November 24, 2014
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
I'd feel worse except I know she blogs about me
"Hey, Bobby! Play that one about falling down the stairs!"
"Sure thing, Johnny!"
*Literally falls down stairs and crashes into a piano*
"...I love it!"
So I'm finding that I feel the need to vent more when I am taking on more of others' issues than my own. It's like I'm willing to give others so much more space in my head that I reserve for my own issues, and I never seem to have my own issues until that space has already been taken by someone else.
It's been a long, stressful week for me. Because I teach two high school level courses (French for 7th and 8th graders) I'm supposed to give finals for those classes. While my ENL kids don't take finals, we're in the process of completely revamping all of their schedules so that they're getting the attention they need in their major classes.
For the most part I feel like I have a pretty good support system. I have my family and close friends who will let me vent to them, and I'm even dating a guy who's been a great ear and distraction. I don't want to sound ungrateful or unappreciative of those in my life who are willing to step up if I were to ask.
But that's the thing, I'm never willing to ask. I'm the girl that never goes to the cafeteria for lunch because I don't want to be the one to disrupt the system, even though it's perfectly valid for me to do so. Not that this is about actually using the cafeteria...that was just supposed to be a metaphor.
It's like everything syncs up out of no where. I know these people will hear me out and give me advice or at least listen to me if I ask, but the moment I'm going crazy in my own head, my friends are going through their own drama, my guy is super busy at work, and it's just not something I feel the need to make a phone call and talk about over the phone to a family member for.
But I'm just going crazy. Why do I have to be the responsible one. I've been asked by multiple people why I'm nonconfrontational if I have issues with how things are done and it's because the argument is never worth it. It's NEVER worth it. But yet the one time I mention that the trashcan is full and the person who emptied it last didn't put a trash bag in it afterwards so the full trashcan has no trash liner...it turns into the fact that since I threw trash in there once too then it's ok and I shouldn't have contributed if it didn't bother me.
Like, I understand action and reaction. Yes, if I didn't want my only Ball State sweatshirt to be chewed by the dog I should have made sure it was safely in my room rather than on top the couch in the living room. But at the same time, if you've had your dog for almost seven months and she's still not trained well enough that while she's locked in her crate she freaks out so much that she chews a hole in the side of the kevlar plastic and reaches for anything within reach INCLUDING the corner of our couch AND one of my blankets AND my sweatshirt...all of which were ON the couch and no where near where her crate was to begin with...is THAT really my fault?
She says put up a baby gate in my bathroom so she doesn't come in and pee on my bathroom floor. Why do I have to inconvenience my life and why do I have to be responsible to make changes to MY life when it's YOUR lack of responsibility that is inhibiting the entire thing?
I'm not a bandaid fix kind of person. I can't just keep adding bandaids to the problem and hope that one sticks well enough for things to work out. Heck, the reason why I'm doing this scheduling overhaul is because the fix we made back in September *was* a bandaid and now we're getting close to overriding teachers with classes they can't teach due to language barriers. By changing the schedules at semester I'm able to get help to the kids that REALLY need it, get everyone in a class with someone who either speaks the same language or who understands the content well enough to help, or with another aide or teacher to help alongside the content teacher. And I spent almost three hours on 23 students today. That's less than half the students that need this done, and that was a lot of time that I'm not being compensated for. But I'm taking responsibility that the bandaid I put on three months ago is a little warn and I don't want to put another one on, I want to wear cast so when it heals, it heals for good.
WHY IS THIS SUCH A HARD CONCEPT TO GRASP?!?!?!?!?!
Not to mention the fact that my roommate talks about how she's so honest to a point and doesn't like the fact that while I'm honest I'm selective about what I say outloud...but yet every single time I've gone out of town she's sworn up and down that the apartment will be cleaned and the dishes will be done and I will come home to a GOOD place...and that has never once EVER happened. But yet when she comes home from Mexico the apartment is IMMACULATE, even though she said she was going to clean it before she left and she couldn't even manage that....
/endrant
Like I said, this week has been crazy. Monday was the easiest day because all I had to do with a self-evaluation from my observation on Friday. Tuesday, though, I have a meeting after school until 4, teach a class on literally the opposite side of town at 6, don't get home until 8, and I had to prepare for a presentation I volunteered for the next day. While the presentation was not mandatory by any means, I'm trying to establish myself in this school and among the teachers, and that was a way to do so. But in doing so, I not only had to make the presentation but I also had to make sub plans for the class I was missing to do the presentations. Of course that was also the morning that I had my evaluation with the assistant principal so I didn't have the morning to do any prep at all. On top of that, I got a headache around 11am that did not go away all day. I went home and I was in bed at 3pm and was there basically all night. And my guy is super swamped with work until Christmas so I'm trying not to bother him, but of course he's the one person I want to just talk to and take me away from this hecticness (thus is life right?) So today after completely forgetting to plan something for my EL kids to do, my facilitator and I sat down for three hours to try and hammer out schedules for next semester, and really I'm kind of screwed unless I get my prep period changed to a different hour. And of course the advisor who would be able to help me with this is out of town because (bless her heart) her family is going through so much loss right now it's truly not fair. Hopefully tomorrow won't be so big of an overhaul I think I just need to get through my classes and then I'm done for the week. But all I want to do is relax over the weekend but I have a roommate who won't clean or take any initiative unless I prompt her and a boyfriend who's working the weekend and probably won't have time to just relax.
I'm just hoping getting this off my chest and on paper makes me feel better. My hormones have been going up and down but I'm not even allowed to complain about them in the comfort of my own apartment because my roommate's are worse. I didn't realize everything was a pissing contest.
On one hand I can't even fathom that the end of the semester is NEXT WEEK and I'm so beyond happy that I can go to Ohio where I have absolutely no ties or obligations other than to my family and I can just enjoy the lack of cell signal in silent bliss. On the other hand I'm missing someone I can't reach and I'm preparing myself to coming home to my apartment after Christmas and it being an absolute wreck. And I hate that.
...I don't think I had realized how mad I actually was before I started writing this. I just hate how unfair things have been, but I haven't done anything to stop it because I can justify it in my head. It's hard for me to say I'm right and I have the right to ask for things to change, especially with a defensive roommate and the inability to ask it of someone before going through every single scenario in my head first. I've always claimed to having never been depressed but jeeze...maybe I'm getting a taste of it and I didn't even realize.
Like I said, I'm hoping that the magic of cyber space helps make me feel better about everything. Because my next solution is having a proxy fight my battles for me...or surgically enhancing my confrontation chemical and bully others to give me my way...so really the first option really is the best.
"Do you ever get tired of being random?"
*looks at each other wearing duck bills*
"Me neither"
"Sure thing, Johnny!"
*Literally falls down stairs and crashes into a piano*
"...I love it!"
So I'm finding that I feel the need to vent more when I am taking on more of others' issues than my own. It's like I'm willing to give others so much more space in my head that I reserve for my own issues, and I never seem to have my own issues until that space has already been taken by someone else.
It's been a long, stressful week for me. Because I teach two high school level courses (French for 7th and 8th graders) I'm supposed to give finals for those classes. While my ENL kids don't take finals, we're in the process of completely revamping all of their schedules so that they're getting the attention they need in their major classes.
For the most part I feel like I have a pretty good support system. I have my family and close friends who will let me vent to them, and I'm even dating a guy who's been a great ear and distraction. I don't want to sound ungrateful or unappreciative of those in my life who are willing to step up if I were to ask.
But that's the thing, I'm never willing to ask. I'm the girl that never goes to the cafeteria for lunch because I don't want to be the one to disrupt the system, even though it's perfectly valid for me to do so. Not that this is about actually using the cafeteria...that was just supposed to be a metaphor.
It's like everything syncs up out of no where. I know these people will hear me out and give me advice or at least listen to me if I ask, but the moment I'm going crazy in my own head, my friends are going through their own drama, my guy is super busy at work, and it's just not something I feel the need to make a phone call and talk about over the phone to a family member for.
But I'm just going crazy. Why do I have to be the responsible one. I've been asked by multiple people why I'm nonconfrontational if I have issues with how things are done and it's because the argument is never worth it. It's NEVER worth it. But yet the one time I mention that the trashcan is full and the person who emptied it last didn't put a trash bag in it afterwards so the full trashcan has no trash liner...it turns into the fact that since I threw trash in there once too then it's ok and I shouldn't have contributed if it didn't bother me.
Like, I understand action and reaction. Yes, if I didn't want my only Ball State sweatshirt to be chewed by the dog I should have made sure it was safely in my room rather than on top the couch in the living room. But at the same time, if you've had your dog for almost seven months and she's still not trained well enough that while she's locked in her crate she freaks out so much that she chews a hole in the side of the kevlar plastic and reaches for anything within reach INCLUDING the corner of our couch AND one of my blankets AND my sweatshirt...all of which were ON the couch and no where near where her crate was to begin with...is THAT really my fault?
She says put up a baby gate in my bathroom so she doesn't come in and pee on my bathroom floor. Why do I have to inconvenience my life and why do I have to be responsible to make changes to MY life when it's YOUR lack of responsibility that is inhibiting the entire thing?
I'm not a bandaid fix kind of person. I can't just keep adding bandaids to the problem and hope that one sticks well enough for things to work out. Heck, the reason why I'm doing this scheduling overhaul is because the fix we made back in September *was* a bandaid and now we're getting close to overriding teachers with classes they can't teach due to language barriers. By changing the schedules at semester I'm able to get help to the kids that REALLY need it, get everyone in a class with someone who either speaks the same language or who understands the content well enough to help, or with another aide or teacher to help alongside the content teacher. And I spent almost three hours on 23 students today. That's less than half the students that need this done, and that was a lot of time that I'm not being compensated for. But I'm taking responsibility that the bandaid I put on three months ago is a little warn and I don't want to put another one on, I want to wear cast so when it heals, it heals for good.
WHY IS THIS SUCH A HARD CONCEPT TO GRASP?!?!?!?!?!
Not to mention the fact that my roommate talks about how she's so honest to a point and doesn't like the fact that while I'm honest I'm selective about what I say outloud...but yet every single time I've gone out of town she's sworn up and down that the apartment will be cleaned and the dishes will be done and I will come home to a GOOD place...and that has never once EVER happened. But yet when she comes home from Mexico the apartment is IMMACULATE, even though she said she was going to clean it before she left and she couldn't even manage that....
/endrant
Like I said, this week has been crazy. Monday was the easiest day because all I had to do with a self-evaluation from my observation on Friday. Tuesday, though, I have a meeting after school until 4, teach a class on literally the opposite side of town at 6, don't get home until 8, and I had to prepare for a presentation I volunteered for the next day. While the presentation was not mandatory by any means, I'm trying to establish myself in this school and among the teachers, and that was a way to do so. But in doing so, I not only had to make the presentation but I also had to make sub plans for the class I was missing to do the presentations. Of course that was also the morning that I had my evaluation with the assistant principal so I didn't have the morning to do any prep at all. On top of that, I got a headache around 11am that did not go away all day. I went home and I was in bed at 3pm and was there basically all night. And my guy is super swamped with work until Christmas so I'm trying not to bother him, but of course he's the one person I want to just talk to and take me away from this hecticness (thus is life right?) So today after completely forgetting to plan something for my EL kids to do, my facilitator and I sat down for three hours to try and hammer out schedules for next semester, and really I'm kind of screwed unless I get my prep period changed to a different hour. And of course the advisor who would be able to help me with this is out of town because (bless her heart) her family is going through so much loss right now it's truly not fair. Hopefully tomorrow won't be so big of an overhaul I think I just need to get through my classes and then I'm done for the week. But all I want to do is relax over the weekend but I have a roommate who won't clean or take any initiative unless I prompt her and a boyfriend who's working the weekend and probably won't have time to just relax.
I'm just hoping getting this off my chest and on paper makes me feel better. My hormones have been going up and down but I'm not even allowed to complain about them in the comfort of my own apartment because my roommate's are worse. I didn't realize everything was a pissing contest.
On one hand I can't even fathom that the end of the semester is NEXT WEEK and I'm so beyond happy that I can go to Ohio where I have absolutely no ties or obligations other than to my family and I can just enjoy the lack of cell signal in silent bliss. On the other hand I'm missing someone I can't reach and I'm preparing myself to coming home to my apartment after Christmas and it being an absolute wreck. And I hate that.
...I don't think I had realized how mad I actually was before I started writing this. I just hate how unfair things have been, but I haven't done anything to stop it because I can justify it in my head. It's hard for me to say I'm right and I have the right to ask for things to change, especially with a defensive roommate and the inability to ask it of someone before going through every single scenario in my head first. I've always claimed to having never been depressed but jeeze...maybe I'm getting a taste of it and I didn't even realize.
Like I said, I'm hoping that the magic of cyber space helps make me feel better about everything. Because my next solution is having a proxy fight my battles for me...or surgically enhancing my confrontation chemical and bully others to give me my way...so really the first option really is the best.
"Do you ever get tired of being random?"
*looks at each other wearing duck bills*
"Me neither"
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Reasons Why I Don't Update My Blog As Much Anymore
1) I'm actually super busy.
2) Device-wise, I'm usually within arms' reach of my phone or iPad, and I really don't like writing lengthy posts on a touch screen.
3) I'm constantly trying to keep my cat from being killed by my roommate.
4) Because I am now the owner of a smartphone and two tablets, I really rarely use my macbook anymore, which has the best keyboard for typing long posts.
5) I'm too busy trying to convince myself how busy I am.
6) While I have a computer at school that I could easily make lengthy posts on, I really use all my time for school work.
7) I'm constantly trying to keep my cat from killing me.
8) I'm dating again! And everyone knows that free time previously used for blogging is prime dating time.
9) The pertinent things that I actually want to blog about are really not things I want in the public space for everyone to see. Not until I can figure out how I want to word it all, that is.
10) Maybe I really am just that busy.
2) Device-wise, I'm usually within arms' reach of my phone or iPad, and I really don't like writing lengthy posts on a touch screen.
3) I'm constantly trying to keep my cat from being killed by my roommate.
4) Because I am now the owner of a smartphone and two tablets, I really rarely use my macbook anymore, which has the best keyboard for typing long posts.
5) I'm too busy trying to convince myself how busy I am.
6) While I have a computer at school that I could easily make lengthy posts on, I really use all my time for school work.
7) I'm constantly trying to keep my cat from killing me.
8) I'm dating again! And everyone knows that free time previously used for blogging is prime dating time.
9) The pertinent things that I actually want to blog about are really not things I want in the public space for everyone to see. Not until I can figure out how I want to word it all, that is.
10) Maybe I really am just that busy.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
I'd Like to Thank All The Little People
I got my first (practice) evaluation of the year last week. It went well and I got some great feedback, but that wasn't the most memorable part of it. My guest evaluator knew me before I was a teacher. He even knew me before I was in college to become a teacher. He was actually student teaching in my mother's classroom when I was a senior in high school. SMALL WORLD! There's just something about this guy that makes me create super random connections, because back in high school we did the whole six degrees of separation with his fiancée working with my best friend...it's a long story. But the craziest thing was even though it had been six years we still knew each other and were able to quickly catch up. He even sent me a note the next week saying how nice it was to have seen each other again!
Tiny impacts...it made me realize that I have had some awesome teachers in my life who have impacted my life. I just wanted to take the time to tribute them all.
Mrs. Shelton was my 2nd and 3rd grade teacher. She looped us up and I loved her for it. I was one of three kids who never got marked for discipline, and she took us out for pizza and ice cream because of it. As a second/third grader you don't think "I should stay in contact with this person", but even so, when I graduated high school she sent me a card. I don't know if she followed that I became a teacher, but I doubt I'd have wanted to become one without her.
Miss Montgomery was my 5th grade teacher. Fresh meat, right out of college. I was originally supposed to have my 4th grade teacher for 5th grade but she moved out of the district before school started. I loved Miss Montgomery. She probably let me get away with much more than I should have, but I don't have a single bad memory from her class. She used "Learn Ball", which had us have teams and we got so many points doing certain things throughout the day and we could actually try and shoot basketballs to earn points at the end of the day. The vividness of some of my memories from 5th grade are crazy, but the best was the fact she gave me the "most likely to become a teacher" superlative. She was there was I was inducted into the National Honor Society, and when I graduated high school. Thanks to modern technology, we're able to keep up with each other through Facebook. It's pretty cool to see the path that was paved for me so young stay true all this time.
I had two teachers in 7th grade that inspired me. The first was my science teacher, Mrs. Effinger, because she pushed me to understand what I had never tried to understand before. At the end of the year, my report card came and it said I got a C in her class. My parents were furious, especially when I said I had no idea who I could have gotten a C. Two weeks later, I get a card from her in the mail saying that there was a mishap with the grades, I had actually gotten an A-, and that they should be honored and proud to have a daughter like me I'M NOT KIDDING! My mom was touched, and it was nice to have a teacher that challenged me.
Mrs. Jennings was my 7th grade English teacher. One of those teachers that you just have an instant connection with. To this day I thank her for putting up with my huge ego thinking that I had a decent writing bone in my body. I cringe every time I read them now...but she is a saint! She encouraged me to write! If it weren't for her I might not be so obsessed with keeping up a blog...It's not fiction, but it's been one of the best outlets I've had. Even if it's a mindless post it keeps me sane.
Mrs. Shumaker was my high school French teacher. She's the reason why I'm convinced that every French teacher needs to have some insanity in them...and it's so true. It's not easy to take French. The spelling is different, the pronunciation is different, you cannot be a student not wanting to do work, and do well in French. Which means that I have to spend a lot of time making my lessons engaging and comprehensive so that whatever learning type my students are, I can reach them. As a teacher now, I look back at some of the things she had us do and think "THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW!!!" Every other French teacher I have met has had some crazy in them, so I'm determined to keep the trend going.
I only had Mrs. Cumberworth for one year as a teacher, but she was the English Academic Superbowl coach, and I participated in that for the three years that I didn't have her as a teacher. She was another one that made me learn to challenge myself, and that's a skill I can't thank anyone enough for. Not only did I spend free time working on reading and understanding extremely complex works of literature, but she helped me develop my writing style more than anyone else has. There was one college project my freshman year where I had to turn around and write 17 pages essentially in a day...and I was able to do so thanks to her. Now people can't get me to stop writing, if you couldn't tell from this extremely verbose blog entry...
As much as I want to keep the parallelism with titles and last names, it's so hard for me to call her "Mrs. Said". Stacy Said was the first face I saw on campus at Ball State. I was participating in the Accelerate Program to kick off the school year, and she was the staff coordinator for the event. She talked about all these leadership opportunities on campus, and I was one who loved to overextend herself by participating in as many things as possible! Stacy advised me from my very first step on campus, first as a representative in the Residence Hall Association, and from then on in every other leadership role I had on campus (and there were several). I didn't realize how big of an impact she had on me being a leader until she moved before my senior year...and she was just no longer there.
Dr. Gilman at Ball State was the first professor I had who I thought was a mad genius. If anyone were to actually have the French language MASTERED, it would be him. He and I connected because he instantly saw my enjoyment for French grammar. Even though I took his composition class before his grammar class, he saw it in me, sought me out, and led me down his path of genius. When I did eventually take his grammar class, on top of his normal homework he had me working on text translations, in case I decided teaching wasn't for me and I wanted to become a mad genius like him. He seriously had a good ten years of my life mapped out if that's the path I decided to take.
Mr. Cooper wasn't a traditional teacher I had, mostly because he was the general manager at the movie theater where I spent my summers in between college semesters. However, he is the first person to actually take the time and teach me how to lead. I was just a floor staff member when he became general manager, and he took the time to evaluate me, give me feedback, and watch me grow throughout my four and a half years there. He had me as a trainer, supervisor, lead supervisor, and then I became an assistant manager just under a year ago. He took the time to invest in me, and that type of education is something that I couldn't learn from a classroom. Even though I no longer work at the theater, his lessons find themselves with me in my classroom.
Last but not least, is probably the mentor I talk about the most. Dr. Stallings is so much more than a university professor these days. She's a colleague, a mentor, a confidant, and a friend. She is the direct reason why I am exactly where I am today. Besides her astounding knowledge of language, she showed me a whole new world of passion with working with English Language Learners. I owe her so much when it comes to my teaching path and career. She is magic. I hope our paths cross in the future and we're able to work together once again.
There are so many others who impacted my life and my decisions as to who I am today. Obviously I would not be where I am without everyone, but these individuals stand out to me, even though some of our contact was over a decade (almost two!) for some. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I will always appreciate what you have done for me.
Tiny impacts...it made me realize that I have had some awesome teachers in my life who have impacted my life. I just wanted to take the time to tribute them all.
Mrs. Shelton was my 2nd and 3rd grade teacher. She looped us up and I loved her for it. I was one of three kids who never got marked for discipline, and she took us out for pizza and ice cream because of it. As a second/third grader you don't think "I should stay in contact with this person", but even so, when I graduated high school she sent me a card. I don't know if she followed that I became a teacher, but I doubt I'd have wanted to become one without her.
Miss Montgomery was my 5th grade teacher. Fresh meat, right out of college. I was originally supposed to have my 4th grade teacher for 5th grade but she moved out of the district before school started. I loved Miss Montgomery. She probably let me get away with much more than I should have, but I don't have a single bad memory from her class. She used "Learn Ball", which had us have teams and we got so many points doing certain things throughout the day and we could actually try and shoot basketballs to earn points at the end of the day. The vividness of some of my memories from 5th grade are crazy, but the best was the fact she gave me the "most likely to become a teacher" superlative. She was there was I was inducted into the National Honor Society, and when I graduated high school. Thanks to modern technology, we're able to keep up with each other through Facebook. It's pretty cool to see the path that was paved for me so young stay true all this time.
I had two teachers in 7th grade that inspired me. The first was my science teacher, Mrs. Effinger, because she pushed me to understand what I had never tried to understand before. At the end of the year, my report card came and it said I got a C in her class. My parents were furious, especially when I said I had no idea who I could have gotten a C. Two weeks later, I get a card from her in the mail saying that there was a mishap with the grades, I had actually gotten an A-, and that they should be honored and proud to have a daughter like me I'M NOT KIDDING! My mom was touched, and it was nice to have a teacher that challenged me.
Mrs. Jennings was my 7th grade English teacher. One of those teachers that you just have an instant connection with. To this day I thank her for putting up with my huge ego thinking that I had a decent writing bone in my body. I cringe every time I read them now...but she is a saint! She encouraged me to write! If it weren't for her I might not be so obsessed with keeping up a blog...It's not fiction, but it's been one of the best outlets I've had. Even if it's a mindless post it keeps me sane.
Mrs. Shumaker was my high school French teacher. She's the reason why I'm convinced that every French teacher needs to have some insanity in them...and it's so true. It's not easy to take French. The spelling is different, the pronunciation is different, you cannot be a student not wanting to do work, and do well in French. Which means that I have to spend a lot of time making my lessons engaging and comprehensive so that whatever learning type my students are, I can reach them. As a teacher now, I look back at some of the things she had us do and think "THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW!!!" Every other French teacher I have met has had some crazy in them, so I'm determined to keep the trend going.
I only had Mrs. Cumberworth for one year as a teacher, but she was the English Academic Superbowl coach, and I participated in that for the three years that I didn't have her as a teacher. She was another one that made me learn to challenge myself, and that's a skill I can't thank anyone enough for. Not only did I spend free time working on reading and understanding extremely complex works of literature, but she helped me develop my writing style more than anyone else has. There was one college project my freshman year where I had to turn around and write 17 pages essentially in a day...and I was able to do so thanks to her. Now people can't get me to stop writing, if you couldn't tell from this extremely verbose blog entry...
As much as I want to keep the parallelism with titles and last names, it's so hard for me to call her "Mrs. Said". Stacy Said was the first face I saw on campus at Ball State. I was participating in the Accelerate Program to kick off the school year, and she was the staff coordinator for the event. She talked about all these leadership opportunities on campus, and I was one who loved to overextend herself by participating in as many things as possible! Stacy advised me from my very first step on campus, first as a representative in the Residence Hall Association, and from then on in every other leadership role I had on campus (and there were several). I didn't realize how big of an impact she had on me being a leader until she moved before my senior year...and she was just no longer there.
Dr. Gilman at Ball State was the first professor I had who I thought was a mad genius. If anyone were to actually have the French language MASTERED, it would be him. He and I connected because he instantly saw my enjoyment for French grammar. Even though I took his composition class before his grammar class, he saw it in me, sought me out, and led me down his path of genius. When I did eventually take his grammar class, on top of his normal homework he had me working on text translations, in case I decided teaching wasn't for me and I wanted to become a mad genius like him. He seriously had a good ten years of my life mapped out if that's the path I decided to take.
Mr. Cooper wasn't a traditional teacher I had, mostly because he was the general manager at the movie theater where I spent my summers in between college semesters. However, he is the first person to actually take the time and teach me how to lead. I was just a floor staff member when he became general manager, and he took the time to evaluate me, give me feedback, and watch me grow throughout my four and a half years there. He had me as a trainer, supervisor, lead supervisor, and then I became an assistant manager just under a year ago. He took the time to invest in me, and that type of education is something that I couldn't learn from a classroom. Even though I no longer work at the theater, his lessons find themselves with me in my classroom.
Last but not least, is probably the mentor I talk about the most. Dr. Stallings is so much more than a university professor these days. She's a colleague, a mentor, a confidant, and a friend. She is the direct reason why I am exactly where I am today. Besides her astounding knowledge of language, she showed me a whole new world of passion with working with English Language Learners. I owe her so much when it comes to my teaching path and career. She is magic. I hope our paths cross in the future and we're able to work together once again.
There are so many others who impacted my life and my decisions as to who I am today. Obviously I would not be where I am without everyone, but these individuals stand out to me, even though some of our contact was over a decade (almost two!) for some. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I will always appreciate what you have done for me.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Frustration Venting
Can I just say that it is extremely frustrating to be the only teacher in the entire building that has four preps?
For those of you not familiar with teacher lingo, preps do not refer to prep periods but rather the different courses that a teacher teaches in one day. If you only teach 8th grade science, you have one prep. Me, I teach French 7, French 8, ENL Beginner and ENL Intermediate. All in one day.
Don't get me wrong, I've probably go insane if I taught the same class six periods in one day. But being a new teacher and having the biggest workload is getting to me more than I'd ever dare let on. I'm supposed to be an expert in not one but two different fields with two separate levels. I can talk about my expertise until I'm blue on the face, but to be teaching French only to have an administrator come in saying we have a newcomer with no English that needs help in a class...to teaching English and having an administrator come in with a Native Frenchman wondering if he can sit in on my classes...not to mention the typical popping in to see how I'm doing teaching my lessons because evaluations will start in two months and those decide my future as a teacher...
Part of me is waiting for someone to tell me they think I'm struggling and I'll just explode asking if they could handle cramming everything I do into one day. Or sometimes my facilitator wants to talk about lesson plans three weeks down the road because we have new standards so we have to make a new curriculum and I know where he's coming from and he doesn't have the background to make all these decisions but I'm dealing with exactly the same issue with new French books, new French teacher, and loss of parallelism between last years curriculum and the high school curriculum.
...I'm legitimately on my own. No one else does what I do and certainly not to the extent. I know it will get easier with time but I'm hoping I make it long enough to actually feel like I'm doing more than just surviving.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Crossing the Starting Line and Taking Those First Steps
I really am sorry for the lack of posts these past couple of months. I hate to say that I've been too busy, but I truly have been. It has been a marathon of running around since I started teaching and I'm still waiting for that one moment where I can take a second to breathe. Still hasn't happened yet...
Going back to when I last posted, I actually no longer work at the movie theater. The team I joined and grew to love started falling apart by people leaving (moving on up so I can't complain, but it's still sad) and not feeling as comfortable with those that replaced them. While I do identify as an extrovert, I definitely do not get along with everyone. I went to the general manager and told him how I was feeling, and I was able to leave on extremely good terms.
Up until about three days before the first day of school for my township, I was prepared to teach ENL to high schoolers. Of course that's just too easy of a job so I got a call from the assistant super intendent asking if I'd be alright switching to teaching half French half ENL at the middle school. He also said that both principals had already approved, of course implying that I'd look like a total ass if I said no. Not to mention he said the French program would turn into an online program if I didn't say yes. So with absolutely no pressure at all (sarcasm) I traded in my falcons for the mighty mustangs. And of course with three days until students arrive, I was scrambling to get everything into my new classroom and set up for the students. There were definitely some days where I came to the school, left for a meeting, and then came BACK to the school because if I left for the day I'd be so behind. There's part of me that feels like I still need to come in on Saturdays just to try and get SOMETHING finished.
Despite the rocky start, the school year has actually been pretty darn fantastic so far. I've finally gotten to meet the teaching whom I'm replacing, along with gather some insight on this school, I feel a little on my own because the way the school has me and my schedule, I'm the only actual ENL teacher. There's one teacher that works with ENL students in a small learning community, but there are native students in there as well and she does not focus on the ENL WIDA standards. There's also a facilitator, who is a licensed teacher but not actually trained or versed in ENL. Basically he's looking for a social studies teaching job and this is his foot in the door for the district. Can I blame him? Absolutely not, that's where I was last year...but at least I had the ENL license when I was in that position. But anyway, the school talks about how we have more EL students this year than ever before, but yet the main EL teacher (me) is only teaching three periods a day...with a total of 26 students (I'll give you a hint, there are more than 100 in this school alone...) I'm not sure if they're utilizing our staff to the best of their ability.
I'm still wrapping me head around this being a permanent job. I don't know if it's because every other teaching experience has been sectioned off into pretty little amounts (8 weeks here, 12 there, 16 there, etc) and this basically is exactly what I make of it. It's kind of powerful. It makes me want to move again (even though I've had more than my fair share of moving in the past year) and be closer to the township and learn how to be part of this community.
I was telling all of this to Rachel, and she made the comment that I've started the rest of my life. It took me a moment to understand what she meant by that, because I feel no different today than I did last week than I did four months ago than I did a year ago. I'm still just going along doing what I need to do to be successful. But she's right. I've graduated college and obtained a job in LITERALLY the definition of my degree. I've moved out of my parents house and am paying for my own place of residency. I pay for insurance, utilities, rent, food, my own activities...I'm at that point of my life where the gun has sounded, and I've started racing down the track of life.
On one hand I hate that it's true. I feel like I'm always going to be reaching for that next achievement...whatever it may be. Grad school, buying a house, getting married, promotions, etc and so forth because I'm sure if I'll ever get used to the race, even if I stay exactly where I am for the next five years. The race is still going on and I'm in it...I'm just getting used to it still.
The rest of my life has started. I am 100% officially an adult. Who did this? Who let this happen?
Going back to when I last posted, I actually no longer work at the movie theater. The team I joined and grew to love started falling apart by people leaving (moving on up so I can't complain, but it's still sad) and not feeling as comfortable with those that replaced them. While I do identify as an extrovert, I definitely do not get along with everyone. I went to the general manager and told him how I was feeling, and I was able to leave on extremely good terms.
Up until about three days before the first day of school for my township, I was prepared to teach ENL to high schoolers. Of course that's just too easy of a job so I got a call from the assistant super intendent asking if I'd be alright switching to teaching half French half ENL at the middle school. He also said that both principals had already approved, of course implying that I'd look like a total ass if I said no. Not to mention he said the French program would turn into an online program if I didn't say yes. So with absolutely no pressure at all (sarcasm) I traded in my falcons for the mighty mustangs. And of course with three days until students arrive, I was scrambling to get everything into my new classroom and set up for the students. There were definitely some days where I came to the school, left for a meeting, and then came BACK to the school because if I left for the day I'd be so behind. There's part of me that feels like I still need to come in on Saturdays just to try and get SOMETHING finished.
Despite the rocky start, the school year has actually been pretty darn fantastic so far. I've finally gotten to meet the teaching whom I'm replacing, along with gather some insight on this school, I feel a little on my own because the way the school has me and my schedule, I'm the only actual ENL teacher. There's one teacher that works with ENL students in a small learning community, but there are native students in there as well and she does not focus on the ENL WIDA standards. There's also a facilitator, who is a licensed teacher but not actually trained or versed in ENL. Basically he's looking for a social studies teaching job and this is his foot in the door for the district. Can I blame him? Absolutely not, that's where I was last year...but at least I had the ENL license when I was in that position. But anyway, the school talks about how we have more EL students this year than ever before, but yet the main EL teacher (me) is only teaching three periods a day...with a total of 26 students (I'll give you a hint, there are more than 100 in this school alone...) I'm not sure if they're utilizing our staff to the best of their ability.
I'm still wrapping me head around this being a permanent job. I don't know if it's because every other teaching experience has been sectioned off into pretty little amounts (8 weeks here, 12 there, 16 there, etc) and this basically is exactly what I make of it. It's kind of powerful. It makes me want to move again (even though I've had more than my fair share of moving in the past year) and be closer to the township and learn how to be part of this community.
I was telling all of this to Rachel, and she made the comment that I've started the rest of my life. It took me a moment to understand what she meant by that, because I feel no different today than I did last week than I did four months ago than I did a year ago. I'm still just going along doing what I need to do to be successful. But she's right. I've graduated college and obtained a job in LITERALLY the definition of my degree. I've moved out of my parents house and am paying for my own place of residency. I pay for insurance, utilities, rent, food, my own activities...I'm at that point of my life where the gun has sounded, and I've started racing down the track of life.
On one hand I hate that it's true. I feel like I'm always going to be reaching for that next achievement...whatever it may be. Grad school, buying a house, getting married, promotions, etc and so forth because I'm sure if I'll ever get used to the race, even if I stay exactly where I am for the next five years. The race is still going on and I'm in it...I'm just getting used to it still.
The rest of my life has started. I am 100% officially an adult. Who did this? Who let this happen?
Saturday, July 26, 2014
I'm THAT Girl
All throughout my schooling career, I've not enjoyed Social Studies/History classes. I have little to no interest in the subject, and I find it hard to concentrate and pay attention and retain the information necessary to do well in those courses. My sister doesn't get it because she actually likes those sort of things (but I mean come on her favorite season is winter so what does that tell you about her lol). Anyway, this would typically confound my friends and classmates because even though I didn't like it and would complain about it often, that didn't mean I was bad in those classes.
I remember my 12th grade year I took regular Government rather than We The People/AP Government and a lot of my friends questioned my decision. Having multiple reasons, such as being in France for two months would make it hard to find American news articles as well as there were some people in that class I wasn't too fond of, the main reason was it was my senior year and I didn't want it to be spoiled by being in an honors class that not only did I not enjoy but didn't care about. So I took regular government, and it was seriously the easiest class in the world. But you better bet I complained about it. It was one of those classes where you're sitting in the back of the room reading and the teacher thinks they're being smart and calling on you to show how you weren't paying attention but then you bust out the right answer and the teacher hangs their mouth and you just sigh from being bored...
My favorite part about that class was when it was over and report cards came, my mom wanted to lecture me so badly about getting a C on the final. The thing was, I had such a high A from doing NOTHING in that class yet still succeeding, that the C legitimately changed nothing in my grade.
Anyway, the point of this anecdote is that I have found a similar situation in my adult life. At the movie theater, there are two main closing duties: Counting all the cash flow throughout the day and dealing with nightly paperwork, and counting our stock inventory and making sure it matches what the computer says we should have on hand. Most nights, each manager picks one of the tasks and that's what they focus on all night. If you're really good, both managers can get done relatively at the same time. However, more times than not, inventory takes longer than cash.
If I am given my choice and the other managers legitimately want me to chose, I will always choose cash. I've been doing it longer and the administrative side of me prefers working with those numbers and paperwork, and I have a pretty flawless system were everything gets done orderly and efficiently. However, there are some times where I get cornered into doing inventory, and each time I basically make it known how much I don't like doing it. I don't like feeling secluded and uninvolved and being behind the concession stand while all the other managers are in the lobby makes me feel just that.
Only here's the thing: I'm actually quite good at inventory. As in, I did it on Tuesday for the first time in over a month (and we do this nightly) and I finished BEFORE the cash manager did (which really only ever happens if someone completely messed up their cash, and that night that was not the case). However it was a Tuesday which is one of our slower days, so it might have been just a fluke. However, I also did it tonight, on a Saturday, which has the most likely of all the days for there to be gross errors in inventory. The previous night the manager who had done it spent over an hour REcounting EVERYTHING because he was so off and basically had to end the day with a loss of a great amount of product and money. I was preparing for a similar night (because typically things don't disappear and then reappear for counting) but as I entered my numbers into the computer and saw the results, everything was exactly as it should have been. Not only was my FIRST set of counts in the great range, but I was done before any of the other managers, including over an hour before cash was done.
BUT EVEN KNOWING THIS! Knowing that I have a system that works extremely well and can do it in a time efficient manner...I'll still complain about it and I'll still pick cash over inventory every time.
I remember my 12th grade year I took regular Government rather than We The People/AP Government and a lot of my friends questioned my decision. Having multiple reasons, such as being in France for two months would make it hard to find American news articles as well as there were some people in that class I wasn't too fond of, the main reason was it was my senior year and I didn't want it to be spoiled by being in an honors class that not only did I not enjoy but didn't care about. So I took regular government, and it was seriously the easiest class in the world. But you better bet I complained about it. It was one of those classes where you're sitting in the back of the room reading and the teacher thinks they're being smart and calling on you to show how you weren't paying attention but then you bust out the right answer and the teacher hangs their mouth and you just sigh from being bored...
My favorite part about that class was when it was over and report cards came, my mom wanted to lecture me so badly about getting a C on the final. The thing was, I had such a high A from doing NOTHING in that class yet still succeeding, that the C legitimately changed nothing in my grade.
Anyway, the point of this anecdote is that I have found a similar situation in my adult life. At the movie theater, there are two main closing duties: Counting all the cash flow throughout the day and dealing with nightly paperwork, and counting our stock inventory and making sure it matches what the computer says we should have on hand. Most nights, each manager picks one of the tasks and that's what they focus on all night. If you're really good, both managers can get done relatively at the same time. However, more times than not, inventory takes longer than cash.
If I am given my choice and the other managers legitimately want me to chose, I will always choose cash. I've been doing it longer and the administrative side of me prefers working with those numbers and paperwork, and I have a pretty flawless system were everything gets done orderly and efficiently. However, there are some times where I get cornered into doing inventory, and each time I basically make it known how much I don't like doing it. I don't like feeling secluded and uninvolved and being behind the concession stand while all the other managers are in the lobby makes me feel just that.
Only here's the thing: I'm actually quite good at inventory. As in, I did it on Tuesday for the first time in over a month (and we do this nightly) and I finished BEFORE the cash manager did (which really only ever happens if someone completely messed up their cash, and that night that was not the case). However it was a Tuesday which is one of our slower days, so it might have been just a fluke. However, I also did it tonight, on a Saturday, which has the most likely of all the days for there to be gross errors in inventory. The previous night the manager who had done it spent over an hour REcounting EVERYTHING because he was so off and basically had to end the day with a loss of a great amount of product and money. I was preparing for a similar night (because typically things don't disappear and then reappear for counting) but as I entered my numbers into the computer and saw the results, everything was exactly as it should have been. Not only was my FIRST set of counts in the great range, but I was done before any of the other managers, including over an hour before cash was done.
BUT EVEN KNOWING THIS! Knowing that I have a system that works extremely well and can do it in a time efficient manner...I'll still complain about it and I'll still pick cash over inventory every time.
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