Thank you, Lynne

With my major, I have gone through many ups and down. Do I want to teach or not? Do I want to do French or not? Do I want to do English or not? What exactly did I want?

For the past two semesters, I have been in love with every aspect of my major. The French, The English as a New Language, the Education, everything. Considering how the 5/6 semesters before that were so wishy washy, it's nice to have this confirmation.

My favorite professor of all times, Lynne, and I met up a couple times last semester, and she could visibly see how happy I was and how content I was with sticking with my original major. She asked me to recall what it was that made me feel happy and then she gave me the best advice I've ever gotten.

She told me to remember how that felt. Remember what it was that caused those good feelings and hold onto them. Because, it's not always going to be good, and it's not always going to work out. There are going to be times where things are going to outright suck. That's just how life is. But hold onto those good feelings and what caused them because it will get better. It will get back to the good feelings and then the bad ones will be as far away from your mind as possible.

Now I know she was referring to the teacher job market and education reform and just how this field is teaching and how frustrating it can be sometimes. But in all honesty this can be applied to all aspects of life. I look back at my previous post and I remember why I dislike being negative in my writing. It looms, it's what people remember, not the good ones.

So I took Lynne's advice and I went back to my happy feelings and what caused them. I went to my blog posts from March and April 2010 and I could feel myself smile because of how infectious my tone was in those posts. Yes, they were mostly about Zack, which is the reason why I feel down currently, but I remember how that all feels. I remember the smiling and the cooing and the honeymoon period and...they're fond memories. Our relationship changed so much the two years that we were together that even if we were still together I'd still look at those posts as fond memories and nothing more.

And it worked. My depression seemed less important. I remembered what happiness felt like. I'm still by myself in my room. Nothing has changed. Except I remembered happiness, and that has made all the difference.

It's a choice. I can look at an event and I can be sad, mad, depressed, angry, etc...or I could be indifferent and not let it effect me...or I could be content with what I have and maybe even happy. These are things in my control. And yeah there are times where I feel like being depressed is healthier or feels better than indifference, but it's still my choice. And with that control, I can get better again.

So thank you, Lynne, for showing me the light and the key to my own happiness. I am forever indebted to you and your wisdom :)