And Here's To You - Chapter 2

I did preface that Cameron and I had an interesting friendship

I first secretly stayed the night with him the night he found out his sister had liver cancer. We were sophomores in high school and he was staying in our guest room since his parents were at the hospital with Lilly. His other sister, Shawna, was away for college in West Virginia and couldn’t get back to Georgia for another two weeks. He had just gotten off the phone with his mother when I walked in, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was truly scared. At that moment I shut the door and sat on the bed with him and didn’t leave until 7:00am the next morning.

Lilly got better and our lives slowly but surely started to return back to normal. When my parents separated, Cameron didn’t hesitate to return the favor by staying with me or letting me in through his window when my parents were shouting as I tried to sleep. It just took a flinch or a tone of voice, or even a text message when we weren’t already spending time together, to know that we wouldn’t leave the other that night. We never made a big deal about it, and our families were too busy with their own lives to notice or question it. It was our way of coping, and it worked.

You would think that this kind of friendship would hinder romantic relationships to occur with others, but you’d be surprised. Whenever I had boyfriends, they never made any comments to how much time I spent with Cameron. Our school was small enough that everyone pretty much knew everyone else, so when we hung out it was always on friendly terms. His girlfriends, however, were a different story. They were always the same type: Preppy, blonde, always wearing skirts too short and heels too high. Every time Cam introduced me to his newest attachment they would always give me a onceover, immediately assessing if I was a threat or not.

He was actually recently single. His last girlfriend, Amanda, gave up on him ditching his family and me to go to the University of New Mexico with her in September. They had been together for a few months; long enough to go to prom together have a joint graduation party. The entire time they were together, however, she was trying to get him to forget his idea of going to the college in town and life at home and go away to college to get away from the family drama. That’s what she said, at least, but I’m fairly certain she meant to get him away from me. At any rate, he never budged and she gave up trying, claiming his good looks weren’t enough to keep her in this small town forever.

Personally, I think he’s better off.

And I don’t say this for selfish reasons. Well, I probably do, because I have no idea what I would do if he weren’t more than a yard away. But I can’t image being with someone that doesn’t understand why your priorities are what they are. Granted, I’ve been sworn off relationships ever since my parents separated, so I may not be the best one to ask for an opinion on successful relationships.

I wake up and look at the clock. 6:58am. Two minutes before the alarm goes off. I feel Cam’s arms tightly around me as he breathes softly into my hair. “I know you’re awake, Elaina,” he murmurs into my hair.

I reach up to shut off the alarm before it turns on. “No you don’t.” I turn towards him. “You’re just dreaming.”

He opens his eyes and looks into mine, then closes them and snuggles closer. “You always stiffen when you wake up, as if you’re bracing for attack. It wakes me up.” I feel his breath on my neck and can’t help but weave my hands around his bare chest, unwilling to start my day just yet. “Five more minutes” he whispers.

“Five more minutes.” I sigh back, relaxing back into his embrace. It’s the most intimate we ever get: Consciously lying in each other’s arms. It never crosses the platonic line and it never acts as more than a life preserver on a boat. Even if you don’t need it, you feel safer with it there.

I eventually get out of bed and inconspicuously leave his house and cross the yard to my own. No one is ever up this early in my family so I walk in the front door and up to my room without having to answer any questions from anyone. I pass my brother’s room as I head towards my own, and I feel a slight pang of sadness.

My brother Eli is 16 and getting ready to start his junior year of high school. He’s on the football team and has never had any problems making friends, but he and I have drifted a lot these past couple of years. I suddenly worry how he’s reacting to the separation, hoping he doesn’t feel abandoned by it all. I slowly open his bedroom door and see him sprawled on his too-small bed snoring slightly with our cat by his side. Seeing him like this makes it hard to picture him as our high school’s varsity wide receiver, because all I see is my innocent younger brother. I quickly close the door and head straight to my room, making sure not to wake anyone.

Every morning after Cam and I part ways, it’s always the same. I feel consumed by the emptiness and silence that has replaced his warm embrace. I try and remember his arms around me, or his breath on my skin, hoping the memory will help me get through the times where the silence is all consuming. I lie down in my own bed and close my eyes, thinking of nothing but the touch memory from a half hour ago. I use those thoughts to drift me back into my own dreamland for a few more hours before I have to truly start my day.