Personally, I consider myself a control freak. With that being said, I would not consider myself a manipulator or puppeteer of sorts. Granted, there are times where I want to do that, and there are instances where I feel that I could and it wouldn't be detected, however it isn't where I feel the need to control.
Personally, I feel the need to control being right. My schooling has led me to believe that there are several instances where I am right. I understand and conceptualize most everything I learn. I retain information incredibly well. I give and follow directions, I've never truly been in trouble before in my life. My actions have led to awards. I've succeeded; I've won. So why doesn't everyone else see it that way???
This is something that I feel I get from my mother. She very much enjoys taking control of the situation and putting matters in her own hands. Not to mention that she has passed down her philosophy of life to me: "Everything's a choice".
When I was in high school, I openly admit to being a manipulator. I had a "friend" who I could not stand because I saw her as a "fowl loathsome evil little cockroach" and found complete pleasure seeing her struggle and fail. I had a boyfriend who let me walk all over him, yell at him, and completely get away with it. I was convinced that these were "friendships" and "love" because I got away with it and was able to convince myself that I was still ultimately right. Now there's absolutely no way I can regain that friendship and that boyfriend refused to talk to me for about a year. Last I checked that's not normal...or right.
Last year I started being called out on it. My roommate who I love dearly told me I was manipulating her and she didn't appreciate it. Another boyfriend would yell at me for it. All of a sudden I was surrounded by people who *didn't* let me walk all over them. I had to start defending my choices because others actually had opinions and choices of their own that I wouldn't agree with. I had to accept the fact that I wasn't the only one who was right. There are several shades of gray, and each is considered gray.
This past year has helped show me that I'm not always right. It's shown that others can be right while I'm right as well as others can be right while I'm wrong. It's been a tough journey, especially because I can admit that I'm a control freak but I can't necessarily change my actions based on that admission. And I don't know if you've ever been consciously aware of a flaw yet unable to fix it like I have, but it sucks.
It definitely sucks.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Supporting Bad Decisions
Plain and simple: DON'T DO IT!
As an outsider, you do not have the authority to tell people what to do, how to do it, or whether to do it or not.
But man, will that keep you from trying? Nope.
You see, everything that you, yourself, do is right. Even if you regret it, change it, or admit that you were wrong, you were still right. Because even if you made a mistake you went about it in a way that made things right...therefore you're still right.
Therefore, if you see someone doing something differently--taking a different path or avoiding it all together--they're wrong. Why? Because they didn't do what you did, which was right.
Example: My roommate last year had to go to a concert for her music history class. It just so happened that it was a concert that I was performing in, so I had to be there, too. Now because I was in this concert, I had a CD of all of the songs we were performing so that I could practice at home. I had been practicing for this concert for the majority of the semester, so by the time the concert actually rolled around, I was pretty sick of the practices and was complaining where sympathetic ears could be found...ie my roommate. I didn't think it was a big thing because she had to go for her class and I had to go because it was my concert...so it's not like she couldn't just skip it or anything...right?
Heh...wrong! You see, there was a movie showing that night that she wanted to see, so she decided to tell me only hours before the concert that she was only going to go for the first third of the concert and skip the rest so she could see this movie. THEN she was going to use my CD and what I told her about the concert in order to write the paper she had to turn in for her class.
I was livid. I felt not only used but betrayed. But of course I couldn't make her do the right thing or change her mind. So of course I decided to take matters into my own hands and take her tickets that I had gotten her for free, so that she could take a friend with her if she wanted, forcing her to go alone in a worse spot. And I wrote her a note that pretty much showed how angry I was.
But even after that she didn't stay for the whole thing. She left after the first third of the concert, used the CD to fill in the blanks, and got an A on her paper. There's no sure fire way of knowing if she learned anything or not.
But is it my job to make sure that she learned something or not? Nope. It is in no way my role to mother her or make sure she was "taught" anything.
"There are two choices in life: Acceptance and Change. If you can't accept something, then change it. If you can't change it, then accept it."
Nowhere in that quote is "feel free to hold a grudge for as long as you need to".
Don't support bad decisions, but don't discriminate them for choosing their own path.
As an outsider, you do not have the authority to tell people what to do, how to do it, or whether to do it or not.
But man, will that keep you from trying? Nope.
You see, everything that you, yourself, do is right. Even if you regret it, change it, or admit that you were wrong, you were still right. Because even if you made a mistake you went about it in a way that made things right...therefore you're still right.
Therefore, if you see someone doing something differently--taking a different path or avoiding it all together--they're wrong. Why? Because they didn't do what you did, which was right.
Example: My roommate last year had to go to a concert for her music history class. It just so happened that it was a concert that I was performing in, so I had to be there, too. Now because I was in this concert, I had a CD of all of the songs we were performing so that I could practice at home. I had been practicing for this concert for the majority of the semester, so by the time the concert actually rolled around, I was pretty sick of the practices and was complaining where sympathetic ears could be found...ie my roommate. I didn't think it was a big thing because she had to go for her class and I had to go because it was my concert...so it's not like she couldn't just skip it or anything...right?
Heh...wrong! You see, there was a movie showing that night that she wanted to see, so she decided to tell me only hours before the concert that she was only going to go for the first third of the concert and skip the rest so she could see this movie. THEN she was going to use my CD and what I told her about the concert in order to write the paper she had to turn in for her class.
I was livid. I felt not only used but betrayed. But of course I couldn't make her do the right thing or change her mind. So of course I decided to take matters into my own hands and take her tickets that I had gotten her for free, so that she could take a friend with her if she wanted, forcing her to go alone in a worse spot. And I wrote her a note that pretty much showed how angry I was.
But even after that she didn't stay for the whole thing. She left after the first third of the concert, used the CD to fill in the blanks, and got an A on her paper. There's no sure fire way of knowing if she learned anything or not.
But is it my job to make sure that she learned something or not? Nope. It is in no way my role to mother her or make sure she was "taught" anything.
"There are two choices in life: Acceptance and Change. If you can't accept something, then change it. If you can't change it, then accept it."
Nowhere in that quote is "feel free to hold a grudge for as long as you need to".
Don't support bad decisions, but don't discriminate them for choosing their own path.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Committment
I'm an incredibly involved person. Currently, I am on Ball State University's campus, already moved in. I moved in on the 11th...and classes don't begin until the 23rd. Now...why am I here this early? What am I going to be doing for 12 days? Honestly, those questions were in my head too. But now that I'm here...I'm trying to think why I have time to be writing this instead of doing some random chore!
As a sophomore in college, I am currently an executive member of the Residence Hall Association, a member of the National Residence Hall Honorary, and an Academic Peer Mentor. I am also taking 16 credits this semester, piano lessons, and want to be involved in both my major and my hall. I have several friends here and know some guys I can see becoming romantically involved in. All of these are things I want to keep in my life, and plan to do so. Not to mention getting eight hours of sleep each night. Now the question is: Can I fit all of this into 168 hours a week?
I wrote that before classes started, and I'm currently in the sixth week of school. And I can tell you, I've not been able to keep up with everything. I put in about six hours for RHA and probably 20+ for Academic Peer Mentor. NRHH is only taking one hour a week and then the off hand extra hour here and there. Piano lessons takes up 4.5 hours a week and my major homework is about 12 hours...plus the 16 hours that I'm in class. Not to mention meals and hygienic hours, I'm starting to run short on hours in a week...so what's the first to go: Sleep or friends?
It's really a day by day basis. Chances are I don't get back from doing anything until around 11:00 pm. I'll usually hang out with friends after for maybe threeish hours, and then go to sleep. Depending on the day, that'll give me 6-8 hours of sleep. And then there are days where I'll get done later, not want to socialize, and just go straight to my room to sleep.
It's really a day to day feat, not a week to week thing. Homework changes each day, wants to socialize change, what I have to do for work changes, it all is changing. Of course I'll make plans weeks in advance and it will completely change the way things go for that day. It's a good thing I have an agenda, eh?
As a sophomore in college, I am currently an executive member of the Residence Hall Association, a member of the National Residence Hall Honorary, and an Academic Peer Mentor. I am also taking 16 credits this semester, piano lessons, and want to be involved in both my major and my hall. I have several friends here and know some guys I can see becoming romantically involved in. All of these are things I want to keep in my life, and plan to do so. Not to mention getting eight hours of sleep each night. Now the question is: Can I fit all of this into 168 hours a week?
I wrote that before classes started, and I'm currently in the sixth week of school. And I can tell you, I've not been able to keep up with everything. I put in about six hours for RHA and probably 20+ for Academic Peer Mentor. NRHH is only taking one hour a week and then the off hand extra hour here and there. Piano lessons takes up 4.5 hours a week and my major homework is about 12 hours...plus the 16 hours that I'm in class. Not to mention meals and hygienic hours, I'm starting to run short on hours in a week...so what's the first to go: Sleep or friends?
It's really a day by day basis. Chances are I don't get back from doing anything until around 11:00 pm. I'll usually hang out with friends after for maybe threeish hours, and then go to sleep. Depending on the day, that'll give me 6-8 hours of sleep. And then there are days where I'll get done later, not want to socialize, and just go straight to my room to sleep.
It's really a day to day feat, not a week to week thing. Homework changes each day, wants to socialize change, what I have to do for work changes, it all is changing. Of course I'll make plans weeks in advance and it will completely change the way things go for that day. It's a good thing I have an agenda, eh?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Teen Pregnancies
So I woke up around 6:45 this morning and overheard some family members watching the news. The current story was about a politician wanting to become president. However, the newscast was talking about how this politician had to have priorities straight in order to have a chance, such as caring for her daughter and grandson.
Then one of my family members commented: "yeah you should spend more time with your 17 year old daughter. Maybe then she wouldn't have to go looking for love somewhere else."
Well that comment made me think. When I was 17, I was looking for love in a significant other, too. What's wrong with that? I love my family and all they've done for me, but I can't say I'm in love with any of them. And with hormones raging through my body at that time, I wanted to find someone that I could love.
Now for those of you who don't know, I was in a relationship when I was 17. It was with a guy that I had know since I was in kindergarden; our families had been friends since. We started dating when I was 16 and broke up when I was 18. During the vast majority of the relationship, I not only thought I was in love, but also that he was The One.
Now I suppose the difference in my relationship and the polician's daughter's relationship is that I wasn't having sex, therefore couldn't get caught with a teen pregnancy. But even if we were and I had become that unlucky, it wouldn't have my mother's fault. I mean, sure, my mother taught me to abstain from sex until marraige, something that I still plan to do. But last I checked, girls don't have sex just becase they're told not to. That might be a reason to experiment, or go with a boy that the mother doesn't approve of. But the actual deed of sex is because both the girl and guy are listening to aspects of their bodies that tell them to.
Sex is natural and necessary for life. The fact that our bodies want it as teenagers but society doesn't want us to have it until adulthood is a flawed system. I remember girls in high school talking about their first time being when they were 13. I remember watching Maury and seeing girls that aren't even technically teenagers and are sleeping with umpteen guys. Thay're not doing it because their mothers said no, or because their mothers don't love them enough. They do it because they see no reason not to.
Which brings us to the flaws in our education system. We're taught that abstinance is the only 100% effective birth control and that having sex, no matter how protected, can lead to pregnancy, STDs, and STIs. While those facts are all true, it's too one-sided, and not aimed to the right audience. I was told that primarily when I was a sophomore in high school. That side of information needs to be drilled into children's heads in elementary school. By high school, they should be telling students how to have safe sex and what options they can have in case something goes wrong.
Teens are going to have sex. Because they want to. How about instead of blaming yourself and resenting your kids, why don't you assure them that everything will be ok, let them know where you stand, and just be there for them when they need it.
Then one of my family members commented: "yeah you should spend more time with your 17 year old daughter. Maybe then she wouldn't have to go looking for love somewhere else."
Well that comment made me think. When I was 17, I was looking for love in a significant other, too. What's wrong with that? I love my family and all they've done for me, but I can't say I'm in love with any of them. And with hormones raging through my body at that time, I wanted to find someone that I could love.
Now for those of you who don't know, I was in a relationship when I was 17. It was with a guy that I had know since I was in kindergarden; our families had been friends since. We started dating when I was 16 and broke up when I was 18. During the vast majority of the relationship, I not only thought I was in love, but also that he was The One.
Now I suppose the difference in my relationship and the polician's daughter's relationship is that I wasn't having sex, therefore couldn't get caught with a teen pregnancy. But even if we were and I had become that unlucky, it wouldn't have my mother's fault. I mean, sure, my mother taught me to abstain from sex until marraige, something that I still plan to do. But last I checked, girls don't have sex just becase they're told not to. That might be a reason to experiment, or go with a boy that the mother doesn't approve of. But the actual deed of sex is because both the girl and guy are listening to aspects of their bodies that tell them to.
Sex is natural and necessary for life. The fact that our bodies want it as teenagers but society doesn't want us to have it until adulthood is a flawed system. I remember girls in high school talking about their first time being when they were 13. I remember watching Maury and seeing girls that aren't even technically teenagers and are sleeping with umpteen guys. Thay're not doing it because their mothers said no, or because their mothers don't love them enough. They do it because they see no reason not to.
Which brings us to the flaws in our education system. We're taught that abstinance is the only 100% effective birth control and that having sex, no matter how protected, can lead to pregnancy, STDs, and STIs. While those facts are all true, it's too one-sided, and not aimed to the right audience. I was told that primarily when I was a sophomore in high school. That side of information needs to be drilled into children's heads in elementary school. By high school, they should be telling students how to have safe sex and what options they can have in case something goes wrong.
Teens are going to have sex. Because they want to. How about instead of blaming yourself and resenting your kids, why don't you assure them that everything will be ok, let them know where you stand, and just be there for them when they need it.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Grammar
For those of you who don't know, I am an admitted grammar nazi. I used to just joke about it, but it's gotten incredibly bad in recent years. Don't get me wrong, I say 'like' all the time; I type it, too! And when I text I don't always remember to capitalize or use correct punctuation. HOWEVER! I guarantee you that I use adverbs instead of adjectives, my subjects and verbs will agree, and I will have a coherent phrase as a sentence. Now because I know that most people do NOT use correct grammar, let's have a refresher course:
LOLCATZ was made as a PARODY for the American language. In no way are Americans supposed to start talking like what is written for these lolcatz. You NEVER use two helping verbs in one independent clause, such as in "I can has" same that you never use a third person singular verb conjugation with a first person singular subject. "I wants" does not exist. No matter how many times you say it, it will never exist.
May that be the same with adjectives becoming adverbs. They made adverbs for a reason, let's learn to use them correctly. I'll help: If you want to describe something after a verb, use an adverb. If you want to describe something before a noun, use an adverb. Example: I feel badly. Badly came after the verb (feel) therefore you need badly, the adverb, instead of bad, the adjective. I have a bad feeling would be using bad to describe what kind of feeling I had: a bad one. Adjectives answer the questions "What kind?", "Which one", and "How many?" whereas adverbs answer "When?", "Where?", "Why?", or "How?". If you don't know which to use, just think of those questions when trying to construct a sentence. Don't think you know any adverbs? Just put 'ly' on most all adjectives and BOOM instant adverb!
I remember my senior honors English class my teacher said that ten years ago she'd tell her students that if they didn't know how to phrase something, then they should trust their ear, as in, whichever sounds better is right. Now, however, my teacher told my class that if we don't know how to phrase something, the worst thing we can do is trust our ear. Americans butcher our language so much...it's disastrous.
Those are my two huge pet peeves when it comes to grammar. Recently, the Oxford comma has been driving me crazy because more and more people are starting to not use it. For those of you who don't know, the Oxford comma is the comma before the conjunction in a list. Example: "I had pork, peas, and beans for dinner." The comma after peas is the Oxford comma. It is optional. I don't know why it bugs me so much when people don't use it, as it is optional. For some reason it just irks me...
I'm thinking my love for grammar started when I started getting serious about French. For those of you who don't know, I am a French Education major and have already traveled to France on a program where all I did was speak French (no English) and take classes in French. To me, grammar become so mathematical after that--it's an equation of what kind of word to put where in a sentence. It makes sense to me. Perhaps it's because learning a second language is basically putting yourself back in elementary school for that language, only the high schooler's mind is something that can comprehend why you do the things you do instead of just trusting your teacher that what's being said is right.
I love it when things just fall into place. Now if only they'd just fall into place with more people...=)
LOLCATZ was made as a PARODY for the American language. In no way are Americans supposed to start talking like what is written for these lolcatz. You NEVER use two helping verbs in one independent clause, such as in "I can has" same that you never use a third person singular verb conjugation with a first person singular subject. "I wants" does not exist. No matter how many times you say it, it will never exist.
May that be the same with adjectives becoming adverbs. They made adverbs for a reason, let's learn to use them correctly. I'll help: If you want to describe something after a verb, use an adverb. If you want to describe something before a noun, use an adverb. Example: I feel badly. Badly came after the verb (feel) therefore you need badly, the adverb, instead of bad, the adjective. I have a bad feeling would be using bad to describe what kind of feeling I had: a bad one. Adjectives answer the questions "What kind?", "Which one", and "How many?" whereas adverbs answer "When?", "Where?", "Why?", or "How?". If you don't know which to use, just think of those questions when trying to construct a sentence. Don't think you know any adverbs? Just put 'ly' on most all adjectives and BOOM instant adverb!
I remember my senior honors English class my teacher said that ten years ago she'd tell her students that if they didn't know how to phrase something, then they should trust their ear, as in, whichever sounds better is right. Now, however, my teacher told my class that if we don't know how to phrase something, the worst thing we can do is trust our ear. Americans butcher our language so much...it's disastrous.
Those are my two huge pet peeves when it comes to grammar. Recently, the Oxford comma has been driving me crazy because more and more people are starting to not use it. For those of you who don't know, the Oxford comma is the comma before the conjunction in a list. Example: "I had pork, peas, and beans for dinner." The comma after peas is the Oxford comma. It is optional. I don't know why it bugs me so much when people don't use it, as it is optional. For some reason it just irks me...
I'm thinking my love for grammar started when I started getting serious about French. For those of you who don't know, I am a French Education major and have already traveled to France on a program where all I did was speak French (no English) and take classes in French. To me, grammar become so mathematical after that--it's an equation of what kind of word to put where in a sentence. It makes sense to me. Perhaps it's because learning a second language is basically putting yourself back in elementary school for that language, only the high schooler's mind is something that can comprehend why you do the things you do instead of just trusting your teacher that what's being said is right.
I love it when things just fall into place. Now if only they'd just fall into place with more people...=)
Friday, June 18, 2010
Let's Reach an Understanding
Well hello everyone. This is a completely different style of blogging than my other two on here. It's something that I've been thinking about starting for a while now. Part of it is to vent, but most of it is to let the world know how it really is. Granted, most of the reasons why I want to let the world know how it really is, is because of personal experiences, which leads to the ranting. I'm not looking for conflict or disagreement, just for someone to tell the truth for once in her life.
Now here are some things to expect:
*Bluntness. I like to think this goes without saying, considering the name of the blog, But I'm here to tell you what I know without sugar coating or putting a nice little spin on things.
*Stories. Like I said, most of what I'll be talking about is stuff I've experienced. I like creating stories and scenarios to put things in perspective. It works for me.
*Circles. I'll probably go on a rant for something and in the middle contradict myself saying it's not really as bad as I'm making it out to be. This blog is to be honest with everyone, including myself.
Now here's what NOT to expect:
*Names. There will be no name dropping here. I'll probably stick to "friend" or "family member" and then use the personal gender specific pronouns. By no means is this to become a pointing fingers blog. Now I may blog about actions and you, the reader, see that you have those qualities. It would be pretty stupid to assume that I'm talking about you. Chances are, there are several people with the same qualities.
*Frequent Updates. I'm busy. I have another active blog that requires daily posts. Not to mention that this is about occurances in my life, I'm not going to just pull something out of my butt for the sake of pulling something out of my butt.
*Swearing. I don't swear. I gave it up as my New Years Resolution and even before them I rarely swore. It's not an intelligent way to get ideas across, and honestly I think it's one of the stupidest ways to get ideas across. (now here's a good example. I know several people that swear, I'm not talking about a particular person or targeting anyone.) there are just so many other words that sound cooler and are better to use for the sake of getting a point across.
And I'm sure I'll have other repetitive habits that you'll pick up on. But I think I'll just leave this here for now.
I'm not making this for the followers or the comments. If you want to, go ahead! But I'm doing this ultimately for me.
Now here are some things to expect:
*Bluntness. I like to think this goes without saying, considering the name of the blog, But I'm here to tell you what I know without sugar coating or putting a nice little spin on things.
*Stories. Like I said, most of what I'll be talking about is stuff I've experienced. I like creating stories and scenarios to put things in perspective. It works for me.
*Circles. I'll probably go on a rant for something and in the middle contradict myself saying it's not really as bad as I'm making it out to be. This blog is to be honest with everyone, including myself.
Now here's what NOT to expect:
*Names. There will be no name dropping here. I'll probably stick to "friend" or "family member" and then use the personal gender specific pronouns. By no means is this to become a pointing fingers blog. Now I may blog about actions and you, the reader, see that you have those qualities. It would be pretty stupid to assume that I'm talking about you. Chances are, there are several people with the same qualities.
*Frequent Updates. I'm busy. I have another active blog that requires daily posts. Not to mention that this is about occurances in my life, I'm not going to just pull something out of my butt for the sake of pulling something out of my butt.
*Swearing. I don't swear. I gave it up as my New Years Resolution and even before them I rarely swore. It's not an intelligent way to get ideas across, and honestly I think it's one of the stupidest ways to get ideas across. (now here's a good example. I know several people that swear, I'm not talking about a particular person or targeting anyone.) there are just so many other words that sound cooler and are better to use for the sake of getting a point across.
And I'm sure I'll have other repetitive habits that you'll pick up on. But I think I'll just leave this here for now.
I'm not making this for the followers or the comments. If you want to, go ahead! But I'm doing this ultimately for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)