Monday, December 19, 2011

I've Come to the Conclusion That...

I have the Twilight Saga in my life whenever I want to run away from where I am. Both this year and last year I got deeply involved right when finals pressure came into play. There's just something about that series that makes me COMPLETELY forget about where I am or what I'm supposed to be concerned about.

...stupid Twilight. Good thing I don't bring those books to school with me =P

Monday, December 12, 2011

Tears of Joy

When I met with one of my professors to talk about my course path for the next couple of semesters, we got talking about families and life experiences and this and that and the other...

I was talking about my brother and how he got accepted into Rose Hulman Institute of Technology and how high his SAT scores were and how smart he is. But then my professor interjected with

"--you're smart, too, you know!"

I paused with what I was saying. I realized for the first time that between the members of my family I was not giving myself any credit in being smart in the family. What with my brother and sister having genius level IQs and exceptionally high SAT/ACT scores and my dad having two college degrees and my mother having enough motivation to go back to school for Special Education and help right the wrongs in the education system...

...my life and achievements seemed extremely average.

She was concerned that I didn't give myself any credit for the academic success I had achieved in my life.

In that moment I felt a sense of pride that I had never felt in my life. For some reason, her saying that I was smart meant more to me than anything I can compare it to.

Thank you, professor, for believing that my achievements and my work in your classes means something. Because that means more to me than I can ever describe.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

You Know...

Sometimes I wonder late at night if I should be posting the things that I am, and I just wanted to clarify something right here and now.

Me publishing this blog is not for me to obtain more followers or get comments or anything like that. Even though I speak out to my audience and ask questions, I am not intending to draw you in.

I just have a really bad habit of keeping EVERYTHING in and exploding three times a year. I've tried blogging a few times before, and all of them led to me feeling like what I wanted to write wasn't at a quality high enough for my imaginary readers. Kind of sad, right? I'm judging my work on people that don't exist! A lovely problem I have =P

My hopes for stating in my title that this is for me to be blunt would help me just write about whatever's on my mind, as long as I do my best to protect the identity of those I mention/talk to in my blog.

And the good news is that with this and my Twitter I feel like I'm able to just get things off my chest and into words...even if they're incredibly cryptic and don't seem to mean anything.

You know, they say that the only way to get rid of a nightmare for good is to talk about it out loud...get it out of your system in some way. I suppose this is me doing the same thing...just with everyday life instead of monsters under my bed.

So I apologize to the random readers who stumble upon this or this is the "next blog" that they clicked into without knowing. This blog was selfishly created with no real regard to the actual reader.

Thanks for visiting!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

GOOD NEWS GUYS!

It's not just Twilight!

I watched Tangled last night and fell in love with the Rider. I know that's not the healthiest of realizations but still, it's better than thinking I'm falling in love with only everything Twilight!

So in the past 24 hours I have seen

Tangled
Breaking Dawn 1
Beauty and the Beast
Princess and the Frog
Spirited Away

And I have fallen in love with every single one of them. Awesome.

I claim this small success for myself =P


















I need to see my boyfriend STAT! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thursday, December 8, 2011

On a More "Fail" Note...

And just when I thought I was getting over this TwiHard phase...dang it!

Just got the Twilight Saga Movies Trivia App for my iPod...and then procedeed to get a low battery because of how much I was playing it x_x

Someone take me to rehab?

FEATURE BLOG!

Oh hey fellow bloggers and blog readers! Something fun happened today!

PSA <--Title of Blog Post. Hyper-linked...CLICK IT!

I strongly recommend you check this out. 1) because it's a great message and 2) because I'M IN IT!

Just sayin'...!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Standardized Testing FOR LIFE!

Sounds like a great life sentence, right?

I want to take a standardized test every year for the rest of my life. Why? Because I want to know what we're putting our kids through. Since I want to be part of congress one day, I want to have the MOTIVATION to CHANGE this SHIT that they're currently putting our kids through. I want to be able to change the problem into a SOLUTION that EDUCATORS agree with.

And I want to prove that I know what I'm talking about. I mean, if I can pass the tests they give us when they can't...doesn't that make me more credible?

And no, it would not prove their point, because they were the ones who instated this policy and they're the ones who can't pass the test. Our school system says that you can't succeed if you can't pass the test. Therefore, congress can't succeed.

Well...we already knew that.

But by their system, I CAN succeed. So I will succeed, go into one of their positions, and CHANGE THE SYSTEM.

I win.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

I Don't Care What Anyone Says,

Living forever with the one you love, surrounded by those who love you, damned souls or not, would be AWESOME






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...stupid Twilight x_x

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

To Add to My Lame-ness

Did I mention that today I'm reading Midnight Sun, her unpublished illegally leaked version of Twilight told from Edward's prospective?

Legit. I fail. But yet I can't stop.

Someone admit me to a center =P

I'm Definitely a Closet TwiHard x_x

Of course then comes the question am I really a Closet TwiHard if I'm blogging about it?

Anyway, let me paint you a picture of how this all started:

I never was into the whole vampire thing. I'd watch a couple of episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the summer or on days where we had 2 hour delays, but that was it. I never got into the vampire movies or books or anything. So, when Twilight came out, I first heard about it my sophomore year of high school, Spring 2008. Two of my good friends had stumbled upon the series and said that it was really well written and definitely a good read. Even though they both encouraged me to try the series out, my stereotypes for vampires kept me from trying.

For the next four years, I felt that I had done myself the biggest favor. The next thing I knew, it was becoming this huge craze that everyone was involved with. It was like the next Harry Potter--Barnes and Noble was having midnight parties for book releases, movies were being made, Hot Topic completely took apparel to the next level, and EVERYONE had to be part of it. I remember several friends, guys and girls alike, saying they thought it was a great series! By this point I was avoiding it on principle alone--I didn't want to be part of the craze.

After the first movies were made and "teams" were established, I still found that I had absolutely no idea what any of it was all about. Summer 2010 I started working at a movie theater, and I had to work the midnight showing of the third movie, Eclipse. I was still completely out of the loop from the hype. People were bashing the actors and the characters and parodies were made in both print and movies. It wasn't until then when my interests started to peak.

My sister went to see "Vampires Suck", a parody made by the same people who made the "Scary Movie" parodies. She said it was the funniest thing she had ever seen, and insisted that I see it, even though I hadn't read any of the books or seen any of the movies. So I did, and I admit that I found it extremely hilarious because it exaggerated stereotypes and poked fun at plot holes that many critiques mentioned.

Well Fall 2010 comes around, I'm studying for finals, and I'm about to go crazy with the silence in my room as well as the French Old Civilization notes scattered all over my bed in front of me. I decided I needed to have some background noise to keep me sane--

[sidebar: I'm very particular when it comes to being able to have other noises around me when I'm concentrating on reading or studying. It has to be something I don't recognize that way I don't loose my place by following or singing along. Random instrumentals usually work best, but I could have internet radio on shuffle with random songs and I'd be fine too.]

--and for whatever reason I decided that I wanted to put the first Twilight movie on. Now still, I had not read any of the books or seen any other movie besides "Vampires Suck", so I figured it was safe enough to help me in my need for white noise.

It proved an amazing feat. Not only was I studying efficiently finally not stressing over my materials, but I was following along with the storyline, too. Not only that, but I was ENJOYING it! I felt so drawn to what was being portrayed in that movie: A passion that all romantics long to feel just once in their lives, where you are drawn to one thing and one thing only. Now don't get me wrong, there were some corny/cheesy lines and effects that had me rolling my eyes, but the general reflection on that movie (still to this day) is pure genius.

A couple of days later I tried watching the second movie and found myself disappointed that I was not as mesmerized with it as I had been with the first. "Vampires Suck" was a parody of both the first and second books, so I had a vague idea of what was going on, but I decided I really needed to read the books in order to understand everything. Luckily, my sister had the first two books, so after finals I went home and started reading.

Once more, I fell in love with the first book almost exactly as I had with the first movie. And also once more, I found myself not enjoying the second book as much...

And that's when I realized not only what the teams were, but that I was on Team Edward.

Throughout that three week break, I purchased the last two books and finished them as well. I watched the third movie (the only other one that was out at the time) and patiently waited the movie series to finish. THEN I tried watching "Vampires Suck" again and reading a parody, and I actually felt offended by them! I can say that I never have and never will have any desire to go to a midnight showing of a Twilight movie, but I cannot proudly say that I will want to see it within a week of it being released; which is what I did for the first movie part of the fourth book.

And I loved every minute of it.

And I cannot wait for the last one to come out.


I don't think I'd be this attached if I had started with the books; I feel the movies truly made the experience for me. The movies got me to see a picture that wasn't making me think of Dracula or a cartoonized Halloween costume.The movies helped paint the picture of the "reality" of vampires and werewolves being able to live among humans. I know the actors get a lot of snuff for these movies, but I don't necessarily think it's deserved. I feel all attempts at creating a supernatural show ingenuity and creativity. Yes, they could have done a better job with Edward's "fast running" not looking like he's on wires. But it's a first movie--a first picture. I mean, how many times do you have to show moving staircases in the first Harry Potter movie? We get it, it's magic. I feel the same about Twilight--these are things that we have never seen and will never be able to experience. As far as creating this world...I would give them an A+.

I'm a TwiHard...and I can't wait for the next and last movie to come out.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Before Anyone Asks...

I do have my reasons for not wanting to go to France besides not wanting to teach French. They may not be the most legitimate of reasons, but they have enough emotion behind them to create this roadblock to make me want to find other ways to finish this major without going to France.

At the start of the semester, my mother asked "How many 21 year olds can say they've been to Europe...TWICE?!?" Well that is true, I would be part of the minority that had studied abroad not once, but twice before graduating college. An opportunity of a lifetime that I got TWICE in my lifetime...why would I pass that up?

Well, along with not feeling the language anymore, I'm not feeling my language education classes anymore, either. I remember when I was a freshman in college and had a French class and an education class that I both loved. They completed rooted my want to be where I was. But now, there are no more French classes I can take here and my foreign language education class leaves me feeling more and more out of place every week. I'm always the first to leave the classroom. I'm the only French Ed student there. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but I honestly feel like a loner in that class. I feel like I don't have anyone to relate to when it comes to group work planning activities for our future classrooms. I don't feel like I can relate to any of it anymore.

This feeling translates to my fear of studying abroad for a semester. I feel like I'll be the loner again. I feel like the students I go on the trip with will have a much more sophisticated vocabulary than me and--

...gosh I'm actually tearing up right now. I'm at work, it's 5:00 am, and I'm on the verge of tears because I'm afraid I won't fit in France and be stranded there for a semester.

Anyway, I feel like this year without the language will just put me extremely behind. If I go to France I'd have to take a placement test and I don't feel like I'll do that well and won't be able to take the classes I need to because I can't get a high enough score BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

I'm just so absolutely pissed at Ball State. I don't care how pathetic it sounds I feel like they FAILED me. I feel like it's 100% INEXCUSABLE for them to have majors that require classes and then not offer those classes. Electives, I can understand. BUT MAJOR REQUIRED CLASSES NEED TO BE OFFERED. I don't care if I'm one of three students, I don't care if this class is conducted in a professors office during an office hour, it still has to be offered. There's just no excuse for it.

I tested into the 300 level my freshman year of college. Their catalogs say that there are 15 300 and 400-level courses that this school offers. I have only taken 6. Yet, somehow in some mysterious way, the other 9 COURSES ARE NOT OFFERED IN THE NEXT THREE SEMESTERS. My major requires me to take 10 300/400-level courses, 6 specific and 4 electives in the 300/400-level. Of the 6 that I've taken, only 4 are specific and 2 are electives. That means that there are two specific courses required for my major that are not offered in the next three semesters. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???

So because I tested high my freshman year, I can't take French classes my junior year and thus can't do well on a placement test to study abroad. Why am I being punished for doing well my freshman year?

No one was willing to help, either. I asked if I could TA or audit for a lower-level class that way at least I'm still around the language (because remember, I don't have anyone in my education classes to help me)--I asked all of the French professors that knew me, and you know the response I got? I wasn't ALLOWED. Because TAing is for GRADUATE STUDENTS ONLY. I wasn't asking to take away someone's graduate-ship. I wasn't trying to make it look like I was at a graduate level. I just wanted to be surrounded by the language so I wouldn't lose it, AND THEY SAID NO.

This is why I'm boycotting studying abroad. It's the principle of the matter: I shouldn't be forced into it. It is the job of the university to sell the product of success. How can I succeed if I haven't been giving the opportunity to? If I were a pre-med student taking a year off from all studies medical/science related and expecting to take the MCAT after that year, NO ONE would expect me to pass and go on. WHY DO THEY EXPECT ME TO PASS AND GO ON AFTER A YEAR OF NO FRENCH? They're setting me up to fail, and I refuse to let them.






My apologies for the rant, my disdain for this university led me to get off topic a bit. There is another big reason for me not wanting to study abroad for a semester. My advisor and professor say the best time to study abroad is when you're young and single. Well...I'm not. Single, that is. Although it may be small of me, Zack has a big impact on me not wanting to go to France.

I know it sounds crazy to choose a guy over going to Europe. You know, if he's really you're true love then he'll be there when you get back and stuff like that. But that's just it: I know that Zack would be there waiting for me when I came back--I have absolute faith with no doubts about that. I just don't want to leave him. Just like I don't want to leave my family or close friends, he has become a very big part of my life. This isn't just some guy I dated in college...I'm seriously believing that this is *the* guy. When I'm homesick, I don't just miss my home and my family, I miss him. He has encouraged me to follow my heart and dreams, and has told me that I should go to France.

But I can't bring myself to want to go. And with all the fuss of my major, I can't help but wonder if it's all a sign that maybe going to Europe is just a once in a lifetime thing for me.

Now, don't say I'm giving up my dreams for a guy and I'll regret it later down the road, because let's remember who we're talking about. I had a dream to go to France--and I did it. I've already been. And yes, even though there are new experiences and things I haven't seen, it's not on my wish list to absolutely have to do again. It just isn't. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I want to spend my day being a good wife and mother. When I teach, I want to teach the English language, because it's something I enjoy that I DON'T have traumatic memories of learning. I never cried because of an English class, and I have wasted WAAAAYYYY too many tears on these French classes.

So there, my mind has been made and my story has been told. I've sent e-mails to both the Education Department and the French Department to Indiana University Bloomington in hopes to graduate from a university who will provide me with the tools to succeed instead of forcing me to go elsewhere for those tools. Ball State, you did this to yourself. And French, I dare you to try and prove me wrong.

I'm done.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sometimes I don't Appreciate the Choices in My Life

If you know me, you know that I can't save money to save my life. I mean, if I had to save money in order to live, I'd live a short life. I'm totally a shopaholic who wants to spend her money whenever it comes into her possession, and it's been driving me crazy all year.

You see, I'm on this path here at Ball State University. This path is a four year college education in order to become a secondary French teacher with a license to teach ESL k-12. And on this journey, my final year is supposed to consist of me being in France for a semester to give my language that extra flourish, and then student teaching with my new ornamented language.

Well you see, there have been some snafus in this plan. The first being that I tested into the 300 level of French. Now, I know what you're thinking, this shouldn't be a problem! Except for the fact that this school does not have a very big French program, so they only offer certain classes every couple of years. I am short two required classes and two elective classes from getting my French degree, and only one elective class is being offered that I can take in the next three semesters.

Well that's where France comes in. I can take both the required classes and the elective classes in France, finish my degree, and become great at the language right before student teaching. AWESOME!

Except that's where the second and third snafu come into play. The second being that I can't really afford to go to France for a semester because I absolutely fail at saving money. I'm supposed to be able to afford a plane ticket and whatever my personal expenses entail and thinking that I'll be gone for 16 weeks and looking at how much money I've *spent* in the past 16 weeks...let's just say I definitely do not have enough money in my account.

The third snafu is that through this journey I have been getting to know myself better and all of the sudden my want to be a French teacher seems like a joke. I wanted to be a French teacher because I hated one of my French teachers and wanted to prove to her that even though she said I would fail at French that I succeeded. Good News! I succeeded in French! My GPA major is above a 3.5! Bad News...now I want to be done with it. Before my senior year of high school I had wanted to be an English teacher for a good 5 years. Then in the course of a summer I changed my mind to French. Now, looking at where my true passions lie...it's not with French.

So I had this breakthrough a month or two back, talked to a couple of my professors, and decided that I was smart enough to "cheat" the system. Basically, I'd graduate with the French Education degree but get certified to teach English language arts, which is what I really feel I want to do. That way I still graduate in four years, get a couple of degrees and teaching licenses, and become marketable enough to survive in this job market.

Which brings us to the title of this blog: Sometimes I don't appreciate the choices in my life. If we circle back to some background information previously stated, the only way I can get a French degree is go to France, but because I don't want to teach French I don't want to go to France, not to mention I can't afford it. But I can't get this degree without going to France. So, the choices are as followed:

1) Suck it up, go to France, find a way to make it work, and stay on track.
2) Don't go to France, change my major to English Education, take classes I don't see the point in, and graduate with the degree I want.
3) Don't graduate from Ball State University.

I have considered at least once a year transferring to Indiana University: Bloomington. Now only are my two best friends there, but their teacher's program is comparable in reputation to Ball State's. My main reason for the transfer would be to finish the degree track I'm currently on without having to go to France. IUB offers enough variety of classes that I should be able to take those on campus and then still student teach Spring 2013.

But then not only am I cheating the system in getting the degree I want, I'm cheating the schools by only taking courses I want and when I can't anymore, leaving.

I just wish it was as simple as it was three years ago when there was only one path and it was the one everyone was ok with, especially me.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Well, Since You Want Me to Post About You...

So, I published my blog on Facebook, because I wanted to say that on Facebook I wasn't taking sides, but I take sides on my blog.

Because I published it, someone decided to click on the link and read what I had to say.

THEN, because she thought that I had written about her...she decided to post this status:

"that moment when you realize someone still holds a grudge against you from middle school...and then move on with a laugh and start doing your notes for a lecture"

Reason why I know it was about me: She blocked me from seeing it.

Unfortunately for her, she was mistaken--I didn't write about her. But obviously since she felt so compelled to make sure people thought she was so high and mighty in my life, I decided to grant her wish and write about her.

Except...I really don't have anything to say about her. I've lost all contact to her for the past two years that I really can't say anything. I guess this will suffice, right?

I mean...she's the one who read *so much* into what I wrote thinking that it was about her...and then she was the one who posted something making sure that I couldn't see it...wouldn't that mean that she's the one holding the grudge and putting way too much effort into this? Just a thought...

Joke's on you, sweetie.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Location wise, my family is incredibly separated! However! Thanks to social networking, they still manage to fight as if they all lived under the same roof...





Annnnnddd again...





As you might recall, I had a very heated blog post about this VERY FACEBOOK RE-POST message. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have to deal with this in my family, where they should be the ones who understand the whole autism thing.

Once more, if you feel strongly about the issue, I'm not going to say you don't have the right to post what you want. You do. However, there are a THOUSAND different ways you could go about it to make this post BETTER

-You could take away the part where it says it's "Special Education week & Autism & ADHD Awareness month". If you truly believe that every month should be autistic awareness month, then why are you posting something that says only one specific week/month is? Kind of hypocritical, right?

-You could take away the part that tells others to re-post. If this is your feeling, feel free to say it. But don't tell others to feel the same way.

-Take out the part about the "children". Autism doesn't go away when you get older, my brother is 22 and still very much autistic. Autism awareness should be about all autistic people, not just "children".

-Realize that you posting this doesn't do anything. You're spreading the word of something the vast majority of people already know exists. You're not attaching a donation to it, you're not letting a news cast know about it, you're not being active in your "request" to "honor" those "special" kids. You're really just inflating your ego thinking that you'll reach thousands of people by posting something as your status. How many people do you really think you reach?

My list could go on and on, but the bottom line is that people will do what they want, despite what fuss anyone makes, no matter how strong the tie to anyone.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Hair Cuts

If you promise that you really do love me, don't you think I'd be someone that you could go get your haircut with?

Just a thought.

I Think it is The Secrer Life of the American Teenager...

When I was in high school...

-I knew the pregnant girl
-I knew the devout Christian girl
-I knew the gossipy best friends
-I knew the slut
-I knew the couple who broke up and got back together a million times
-I knew the girl who took her "friend's" boyfriend
-I knew the engaged couple
-I knew the couple who had been together forever
-I knew the football/cheerleader couple
-I knew the rumors of parent relationships around the school
-We had multiple guidance counselors
-We had teachers that knew too much about our lives
-We had a huge band program
-We had fights both in and outside of school
-We had too much drama

I remember when the ABC Family show The Secret Life of the American Teenager came out, a lot of people made a fuss because they thought it was a horrible representation of the "American Teenager" with the main character being a pregnant 15 year old girl in a broken family where a nephew was older than his uncle.

I'm sorry, but has anyone seen the Maury Show?

My point is, my list above is the main setting that the show gives that I can relate to. No, I was not the pregnant 15 year old, but one existed in my school. All of the characters cast in the show I can place in my high school. It may not have been MY secret life they were portraying, but the secret life of an American teenager...is validly represented in this show.

It's not the show that makes America look bad. It's America that makes America look bad.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

My Thoughts and Feelings Exactly

Sheldon Cooper's definition of "living together"-

a couple is deemed "living together" if:
A) one has stayed over for 10 consecutive nights,
B) one has stayed over more than 9 nights in a three week period, or
C) one has stayed over all the weekends in a given month plus three weeknights

Let's Be Blunt about YOU

So here's my deal:

I was once friends with a girl. She and I had a lot in common, so we got to know each other and sure enough became friends. Really good friends, actually. The type of friends who spend basically 85% of waking free time together, the type of friends who stay up late on numerous nights just talking, getting to know each others secrets, fears, loves, and delights. We went to each others houses, we got close to the family, and everything was how it should be in a wonderful friendship.

But then there's this guy...

and all of a sudden our relationship starts changing. Which is natural, I'm not discrediting that, but then you start to be a little less likable to be around. Then, you stop being around all together, and it makes me reflect on this friendship we had established. THEN you have the audacity to say that I'm jealous of your boyfriend. In some world where YOU change the habits and relationship, I become the bad guy. BRILLIANT LOGIC!

But WAIT! This is entirely subjective! Obviously I've had to have done something to cause all this, it can't be one sided!

Well, no, it's not just one sided. I've heard the other side, the descriptions and the reasons...and yet it some how ends back up to you saying "I haven't changed" and "You brought this on". If you ask me that doesn't sound like much of a supporting argument.

ESPECIALLY when your other "friends" feel EXACTLY the same way that I do. I mean, it *could* be a conspiracy against you...

...but probably not.

Now...I'm writing this to you. Because I want YOU to take a look this. I want YOU to realize how much this sounds like YOU.

Except for this is about a friend from middle school, and I didn't meet you until much later. Although I shouldn't say friend, because I don't talk to her anymore and quite frankly find her to be a bitch.

But now let's talk about you: Let me tell you specifically (again) why I am comparing you to this girl that I cannot stand.

-I hate your boyfriend: Frankly I don't understand why you're with him. Do you honestly think so little of yourself that even though he cheated on you (while you were having sex with him, and HE didn't even have the decency to tell you) you can't survive without him? I mean, do you READ what you WROTE when you found out? You wanted to freaking CUT YOUR WRISTS because you were so PISSED and HEARTBROKEN...but he's apparently worth that pain? FUCK NO.

-I hate how much you lie: You've lied to me, you've lied to other best friends, and you're lying to yourself. Although this is my favorite trait of yours, because I know when you lie, and when I catch you in it, it all of a sudden turns into me manipulating you...instead of you lying to me. A little defensive, are we? Well I have a solution for you: STOP LYING! Take responsibility for your actions and if you don't want to then DON'T DO THEM! Don't say that your Fuck Buddy stopped drinking for you when in reality you just accepted it and started drinking with him. Don't say that you're going to hang out with us if you can't even keep a pre-arranged once-a-week dinner. Don't say that you can't be with someone who broke your heart for cheating on you when YOU'RE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW.

-I hate how you're treating your supposed best friends: saying that "we'll always be here for you" is the STUPIDEST excuse I have ever heard to blow off friends, ignore them, and completely disrespect them. You saying that it's "stressing you out" because you feel it necessary to "include them in your life" really makes me want to punch you. What in the world have I done to you to make you want to treat me like such shit? I didn't realize that I had to bend over backwards in order to be friends with you. I didn't realize that not only have to answer all your questions but also resolve all issues apologize for everything. GET OFF YOUR PEDESTAL. I don't care if you have 1000 other friends, don't treat me like shit because I sure as hell don't deserve that. Because when you do, this is what you get in return: a bombshell of everything that I've been holding back.

-I hate how disrespectful you've become: For someone who inspired me to quit swearing as a New Years Resolution, you sure have become quite the potty mouth. I'm not saying swearing is wrong, I have a tendency to use it myself from time to time, but there is a TIME and PLACE for EVERYTHING. I cannot believe that not only do you openly swear in front of a supposed best friend who you know HATES hearing those words, but you went into a friend's parent's house as a GUEST and openly swore! And if that's not enough, you decide that you're going to drink in front of friends who openly dislike drinking, and then get mad at them when they say something. You don't own the place and the world does not revolve around you--GET OVER YOURSELF!

-I hate how righteous you make yourself: NEWSFLASH! You are NOT entitled to ANYTHING! You need to get a grip on reality and learn that life does not happen at your leisure. You cannot walk into an interview in sweats and expect to get the job. You cannot take a job as a notetaker and claim hours for pay when you're not taking notes. You cannot quit at everything that you don't like, and you can't expect to take the easy road and get everything you want. I know your parents raised you better, what happened to her?



Gosh the list could go on and on, and I'm sure at some point I'll have it do just that. However, I'm at the point where I don't think I can type anything else without just getting incredibly too PISSED at this entire thing, so let me just cut to the chase:

Be who you want, do what you want, convince yourself of whatever you need to in order to sleep at night. I DON'T CARE. I haven't told you that I'm on the waiting list for a single, but I am. SURPRISE! I'm moving out and if I don't see or hear from you in a while, I will be completely fine with that. I've seen this before, and I've dealt with it before; I'm not going to deal with it from you.

So thanks, but no thank; I politely decline your invitation to be your friend. I'm sure you have countless other qualified applicants who would jump for joy at the opportunity. And they probably "accept you for who you are" since apparently I won't. Now don't get me wrong, I know I'm not perfect and I make mistakes and you could probably create a list just as I have. Don't think that I think by my doing this I think I'm better than you because that's not the case. I've just decided to take matters into my own hands and not surround myself with people I don't like being around. And then tell you how I feel because I want this last bit of closure before I seal the opening. The blog is called "Let's Be Blunt" for a reason...

Life is about choices. You've made yours, and I've made mine. Have a nice life.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Adele reminds me of Hot Pockets...

Jim Gaffigan Hot Pockets

Let's be Blunt about Good Music

Everything except Adele.

There...I said it...

I HATE Adele...I absolutely cannot STAND her, her singing voice, or her fan base. Honestly I have no idea how she got it! What in the world possibly is attractive about her singing style!

...I mean...I guess if you're into the whole raspy smoker's lung singing where you sound like you're cracking if you go higher than your three note range then she's your girl!

Oh, not to mention her lyrics...I'm guessing someone got a little writer's block for Rolling in the Deep considering how often she repeats EVERY SINGLE LINE...

Adele is the reason why we have autotune...and she should really look into it

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

#Ravenclawpride #RavenclAWESOME #Pottermore!

Sooo...I was admitted into the Pottermore Beta yesterday, and I just recently got sorted into my Hogwarts House!



Congratulations! I’m Prefect Robert Hilliard, and I’m delighted to welcome you to RAVENCLAW HOUSE. Our emblem is the eagle, which soars where others cannot climb; our house colours are blue and bronze, and our common room is found at the top of Ravenclaw Tower, behind a door with an enchanted knocker. The arched windows set into the walls of our circular common room look down at the school grounds: the lake, the Forbidden Forest, the Quidditch pitch and the Herbology gardens. No other house in the school has such stunning views.

Without wishing to boast, this is the house where the cleverest witches and wizards live. Our founder, Rowena Ravenclaw, prized learning above all else – and so do we. Unlike the other houses, who all have concealed entrances to their common rooms, we don’t need one. The door to our common room lies at the top of a tall, winding staircase. It has no handle, but an enchanted bronze knocker in the shape of an eagle. When you rap on the door, this knocker will ask you a question, and if you can answer it correctly, you are allowed in. This simple barrier has kept out everyone but Ravenclaws for nearly a thousand years.

Some first-years are scared by having to answer the eagle’s questions, but don’t worry. Ravenclaws learn quickly, and you’ll soon enjoy the challenges the door sets. It’s not unusual to find twenty people standing outside the common room door, all trying to work out the answer to the day’s question together. This is a great way to meet fellow Ravenclaws from other years, and to learn from them – although it is a bit annoying if you’ve forgotten your Quidditch robes and need to get in and out in a hurry. In fact, I’d advise you to triple-check your bag for everything you need before leaving Ravenclaw Tower.

Another cool thing about Ravenclaw is that our people are the most individual – some might even call them eccentrics. But geniuses are often out of step with ordinary folk, and unlike some other houses we could mention, we think you’ve got the right to wear what you like, believe what you want, and say what you feel. We aren’t put off by people who march to a different tune; on the contrary, we value them!

Speaking of eccentrics, you’ll like our Head of house, Professor Filius Flitwick. People often underestimate him, because he’s really tiny (we think he’s part elf, but we’ve never been rude enough to ask) and he’s got a squeaky voice, but he’s the best and most knowledgeable Charms master alive in the world today. His office door is always open to any Ravenclaw with a problem, and if you’re in a real state he’ll get out these delicious little cupcakes he keeps in a tin in his desk drawer and make them do a little dance for you. In fact, it’s worth pretending you’re in a real state just to see them jive.

Ravenclaw house has an illustrious history. Most of the greatest wizarding inventors and innovators were in our house, including Perpetua Fancourt, the inventor of the lunascope, Laverne de Montmorency, a great pioneer of love potions, and Ignatia Wildsmith, the inventor of Floo powder. Famous Ravenclaw Ministers for Magic include Millicent Bagnold, who was in power on the night that Harry Potter survived the Dark Lord’s curse, and defended the wizarding celebrations all over Britain with the words, ‘I assert our inalienable right to party'. There was also Minister Lorcan McLaird, who was a quite brilliant wizard, but preferred to communicate by puffing smoke out of the end of his wand. Well, I did say we produce eccentrics. In fact, we are also the house that gave the wizarding world Uric the Oddball, who used a jellyfish for a hat. He’s the punch line of a lot of wizarding jokes.

As for our relationship with the other three houses: well, you’ve probably heard about the Slytherins. They’re not all bad, but you’d do well to be on your guard until you know them well. They’ve got a long house tradition of doing whatever it takes to win – so watch out, especially in Quidditch matches and exams.

The Gryffindors are OK. If I had a criticism, I’d say Gryffindors tend to be show-offs. They’re also much less tolerant than we are of people who are different; in fact, they’ve been known to make jokes about Ravenclaws who have developed an interest in levitation, or the possible magical uses of troll bogies, or ovomancy, which (as you probably know) is a method of divination using eggs. Gryffindors haven’t got our intellectual curiosity, whereas we’ve got no problem if you want to spend your days and nights cracking eggs in a corner of the common room and writing down your predictions according to the way the yolks fall. In fact, you’ll probably find a few people to help you.

As for the Hufflepuffs, well, nobody could say they’re not nice people. In fact, they’re some of the nicest people in the school. Let’s just say you needn’t worry too much about them when it comes to competition at exam time.

I think that’s nearly everything. Oh yes, our house ghost is the Grey Lady. The rest of the school thinks she never speaks, but she’ll talk to Ravenclaws. She’s particularly useful if you’re lost, or you’ve mislaid something.

I’m sure you’ll have a good night. Our dormitories are in turrets off the main tower; our four-poster beds are covered in sky blue silk eiderdowns and the sound of the wind whistling around the windows is very relaxing.

And once again: well done on becoming a member of the cleverest, quirkiest and most interesting house at Hogwarts.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Oh Hey!

They talked about you today =)

In my FL 395 class, we were talking about blogging, and they pointed mine out.

...and then I realized I hadn't made my self-necessary post of the month.

...RAH!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I've figured it out!

I've come to realize why you've been driving me crazy recently!

You're a little bit too selfish this year. A bit desperate for attention as well, now that I think about it...

But yet when you're given attention from those who have the past couple of years, you shrug it off because "they'll always be there" and "they'll love you no matter what"...

Are we taking bets on that? I'm not 21 but that hasn't stopped me and apparently it hasn't stopped you...

Age is but a number, although I don't recall you smoking every night when you turned 18...

Two wrongs don't make a right. What about 17? 32? How many wrongs does it take to get a right...might as well be finding the center of a tootsie pop...

Are you going to learn to love him for this too? I mean, that is what Jesus would want...

Did you know that thinking something is stupid won't stop you from getting in trouble for it? I mean call me crazy for following rules, I wouldn't want to kill someone...

WOW it's amazing how much I really resent you when I think about it. Maybe I haven't figured it out. Maybe if you stop trying so hard to change for no reason we can sit down and actually get somewhere in our quest for happiness.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Random Fact

It completely pisses me off when people put the dollar sign after the number.

This was a status on facebook:

"I just found 20$!"

Really? I mean, yeah that's how we say it...but when you were in first grade and learned about money...you learned that the dollar sign went in front. Remember?

...stupid people

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I'm about to Punch Righteousness in the Face

I've seen this post a couple of times on Facebook in the last couple of weeks:

"Kids with Special needs aren't weird or odd. They only want what everyone wants.... to be accepted. Can I make a request? Is anyone willing to post this and leave it on your status for 1 hour? It is Special Education week & Autism & ADHD Awareness month, and this is in honor of all children"

This completely pisses me off. First off, I hate those statuses where they want everyone to re-post. That within itself makes me feel like it's a complete guilt trip sham. But *then* when you get your facts wrong. Here's another example of that:

"IMPORTANT ALERT: Gerber is asking everyone to return all banana baby food expiring 2012; they may contain pieces of glass. Please copy and paste for all moms and babies safety..bar code 761303308973"

I mean...do people seriously not check on facts before they put it out there on the internet? There's this little site called SNOPES.COM and it will tell you whether something out there is true or not. Back to the Gerber example, it got so out of control that Gerber had to release a statement saying it was false! and on snopes.com it said that it was a complete sham, it was a french baby food company not even affiliated with Gerber that found ONE SHARD OF GLASS in ONE JAR, and then recalled the order for precautionary reasons. Here's the article:

http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/babyfood.asp

And then back to the Autism awareness month, that one makes me mad because I have an autistic brother. I care very much about him and my entire family has been educated on autism and special education. And then there are these people, these righteous people, who I feel have never truly experienced what it's like being close to an autistic person, who are posting these things. And maybe they do, who am I to judge, but I feel if they truly did, THEY'D KNOW WHICH MONTH IS *ACTUALLY* AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH.

It's April, by the way, in case you were wondering. Here's the information on that:

http://www.autism-society.org/about-us/national-autism-awareness-month/

Does it make you feel better posting statuses like that? Do you feel like you affect someone? What's the point? What does re-posting do? It spreads the lies, and it gets almost as out of hand as those old "if you don't e-mail this to 10 of your friends my ghost will haunt you tonight at midnight".

Get Educated. Ignorance gets you no where.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Makes sense to me

Stance 1: "It's easy to be Pro-Choice when you are not the one being killed"

Stance 2: "It's easy to be Pro-Life when you are not the one being pregnant"

The one fallacy of the human mind that has always driven me crazy is the ability to derive conclusions without having experienced what we're concluding. I remember when I was about 4 and I wanted to go out somewhere, but my dad said no because my little sister was taking a nap and she'd be too cranky when she woke up. I disputed this and said "No, pretend I'm Rachel. I'm sleeping, and you wake me up, and I'm fine!" I saw in my mind waking up and being fine, even though I hadn't been asleep and abruptly awoken to find out if I actually was fine or not.

That's how I feel about abortion. I feel like most of the people who say that they are pro-life say that because they think that they could never abort an embryo or fetus. They see that as murder as much as killing a 30 year old. But they say this while they're not the ones pregnant. What if it's YOU who's the 17 year old having sex and all of a sudden you're late for your period. The only thought that consumes you is "I hope I'm not pregnant". But then if you find out you are, what's your thought process? Can you still rationalize not wanting to terminate a pregnancy? All of a sudden it's *your* life that is "ruined", it's *your* future that has gone down the drain...and I'd imagine getting rid of a pea-sized embryo doesn't sound as harmful as it did before it happened to you.

This is why I am Pro-Choice. I'm not saying every unplanned pregnancy should be terminated, but I feel that it should be up to the mother (or the mother's mother, if the mother isn't of legal age) to decide. If she/they believe that keeping the baby is possible then go for it. If they feel that it's a mistake then they can terminate it. It's the CHOICE part that I like, because it's not constricted to one stance. Pro-Lifers think all termination is wrong. You can be Pro-Choice, not get an abortion, and still be true to your beliefs. You can't be Pro-Life, get an abortion, and *not* be called a hypocrite.

On that note, I am a firm believer that the well-being of a baby's life is 100% impacted by the well being of the parents' lives. There is absolutely no reason for a 15 year old girl to go through a pregnancy and keep the baby, because it's not the 15 year old who's doing all the work, it's the parents of the 15 year old girl. If they're supportive, great. I just know that if my daughter got pregnant before 18, she would get an abortion, because until then she is my responsibility and I have that right. I'm just hoping that she'll be smart enough to wait until then =)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Well Put =)

"While I think she may be guilty, our judicial system is based on whether we know someone is guilty; not whether we think someone is guilty."

Couldn't say it better myself =)

My Favorite Kind of Bluntness =)

Ok, I am sick and tired of your DRAMA. Newsflash? A guy will say ANYTHING to get you in bed, including "will you marry me". Saying "I was unofficially engaged" or "he had proposed and everything" Doesn't mean ANYTHING. Considering that you *bought* this and you *did* sleep with him, and *now* you're broken up, just means that you're ignorant and naive...and now alone. Grab some chips and salsa along with Ben & Jerry's and your favorite tear jerking movie, because you've been dumped and now you have to get over it.

If you were really "unofficially engaged", then you would have a promise ring PROMISING a future. If he really "proposed and everything", then you would have an engagement ring for the ENGAGEMENT of your future. If he really liked you, he would have given you a ring. Actions speak louder than words, sweetie, and his words mean NOTHING.

What? I don't know what it's like? Wrong again. Because MY boyfriend did ask me to marry him...in three years after we graduate. AND he gave me a PROMISE RING. And I gave him a PROMISE RING. We have made the commitment to each other in something more than words...see how that works? And guess what? We're not even sleeping together. Because he RESPECTS me and MY wishes and understands that me saying I'll marry him does not mean I'll sleep with him now, it means I'll sleep with him once we're married.

Any questions?

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Are You Curious at ALL?

Do you even want to know what I've been doing these past two months where I haven't been blogging?

Working: I have been working A LOT. When I came home from school I was a substitute teacher as well as working at the movie theater. Then when the school year got out, I started working at a warehouse 40 hours a week and THEN working at the movie theater nights and weekends. That only lasted for two and a half weeks but it still helped me save $1300 in less than 8 weeks. Now I'm just working at the movie theater but I'm still getting in between 20 and 30 hours a week so it's still a lot of work and a lot of $$$!!

Editing: My leadership positions have me working with a lot of governing documents and making sure they are as up-to-date, comprehensive, and efficient as possible. I've already completed two and will start on my third and fourth within the next week.

Leading: Going along with my editing, my leadership has really not taken any breaks since school let out. That, plus I'm up for a promotion at the movie theater, has kept me busy during the day. I'm constantly sending e-mails, scheduling meetings, working on budgets, and corresponding with the right people in order to prepare for the school year and start out on the right foot!

Researching: Because of my newfound love for middle school, I have been having doubts of sticking with French Education just because it seems so impractical at the middle school range. I have been looking into English Education so I can do that as well as ESL and then still have a French minor and maybe teach a class after school or host a club. However, that would make me stay for an extra semester and I really don't want to do that. But then again, because of all the governing document work I've been doing, it makes me want to go into Poli-Sci (which I could do in two years with summer school) and draft legislation for the rest of my life. The only reason I'm not switching at the drop of a hat is because I feel so invested in the education program and I don't want these past two years to have been a waste for nothing.

Relaxing: It's amazing to have time on your hands! This past week even though I worked 22 hours they are mostly at night (6-midnightish) so my days have been fairly open. It's been nice to be able to sleep in, lounge around the house and on the computer...it definitely helps my stress levels from getting too high.

Cooking: When I do have days to myself, I usually find myself creating things in the kitchen. I've always wanted to get better at baking so I've been trying new recipes as well as making must lunches for myself and my siblings. It's definitely my domain. =)

Loving: Zack and I are getting ready to go on 5 months of dating and it's the best thing in the world. We have literally talked every night since we've been apart and he's getting ready to visit for the second time this summer. I am so thankful that each visit has been for a long weekend instead of just two days. It makes it more bearable to be without him for numerous weeks at a time.

In fact, he will be here in 7 hours...which is why I'm blogging...in hopes of making the time go faster...

...and because I don't want to fail at blogging. But all these other action verbs listed above are why I'm not as well! Not to mention that on a day by day basis I feel like I don't do anything noteworthy of blogging so then all this time goes by and I have SQUAT!

Oh well...now you know =)

If You Were Wondering

Yes, I did post this today, specifically today, because I wanted to have at least one post in the month of June.

Don't judge me =P

It's Official

I fail at blogging

...again

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Newfound Happiness

I’m sitting here and typing this in a classroom. Not because I’m in class, because I AM the class. I’m the teacher, well, substitute teacher at least. This has been my profession and job of choice for the past two weeks, and I feel like I’ve found my calling.

No, I don’t mean substitute teaching being my calling, I don’t want to substitute for the rest of my life…although I have now convinced myself that I do indeed want to teach for the rest of my life. I want to teach middle school.

Wait…I want to teach middle school? Seriously? Am I sick or something? They say no one wants to teach middle school…why would I?

Well, when I was in middle school and knew I wanted to be a teacher I said I wanted to teach middle school English…but when I was in elementary school I said I wanted to teach elementary school, and when I was in high school I said I wanted to teach high school. And in college I did think that I could just continue my education and teach at the university level. So why have I regressed or changed or just decided to teach middle school now?

It really has to do with my experience as a substitute teacher now. I’ve been a sub at both the high school and the middle school, and my experiences at the two schools, though in the same corporation, could never be more different.

At the high school, I felt like I was wearing a sign that said “substitute teacher”. I didn’t feel accepted by anyone, not even the administration that hired me. Maybe the classes I’ve subbed for at the high school has something to do with it—my first two exposures were for teachers I never had who taught classes I never took. I didn’t take these classes because I wasn’t interested in them and didn’t need them, so why should I take them?

But even now looking back and comparing my experience with the two schools: At the high school I had no structure. I was given a lesson plan and was told to follow it. There were no disciplinary rules written or place for me to take attendance or anywhere to write anything about the classes. I had a class where writing an actual write up instead of just putting it on a sticky note would have been much more effective in getting my point across. Then I was hired as an aide who went to class with a hearing impaired student for half of the day and then was not assigned anything for the rest so they made something up for me…that was almost my last straw—I didn’t want to go in and sub for that school again.

And I haven’t, but that’s not necessarily been my choice. The past six days I’ve subbed have been at the middle school, and I’ve loved every minute of it. And again, I will give the classes that I’m in credit because that very well could be a reason why it’s been such a positive experience. My first three days were for my previous 8th grade English teacher, then a day for my previous 8th grade science teacher, then for a music teacher, then for my previous 7th grade Social Studies teacher, and tomorrow I will be subbing for my previous middle school choir teacher. I’ve personally known each teacher here I’ve subbed for, as well as the subject area, and I know that could be a reason for my vast enjoyment.

But administratively the middle school is more organized and better suited for me being a substitute. The attendance secretary is always really nice and makes sure I know the lesson plans and where the classroom is. I personally know both the principal and vice principal. Each day I get a sheet where I can record the activities of each period as well as take attendance. There are places for me to take notes about each class so I feel that if I have anything I need to say I am able to say it. Not to mention each class I’m in I always have at least one teacher come in and make sure that I’m doing alright as a sub and make sure that I know if I need anything I can go to them.

The fun thing is really when they recognize who I am and that I was in middle school only six years ago. Then all of a sudden they’re asking me where I go to college at and what I’m studying and when I say I’m an education major it’s like we have an inside joke or something.

Teaching at the middle school has been such a great experience, and I feel it was meant to be—I was meant to teach middle school. I love this decision.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I am Switzerland

Which is ironic because when I was subbing today I showed my students the Sound of Music...

Today I'm going to talk about ME. I feel like I give myself to my friends and especially to my family. I feel like I've been able to be there for every family member in the capacity they've needed me, which makes me feel like I'm doing my role as a member of this family extremely well.

Except I can't do it anymore.

Not now at least. Because one thing that I've realized today is that I love each family member the same amount. I might have different kinds of love for them but the amount of love I have in my heart for each member is the same. I do not have a favorite family member nor do I have a least favorite. I always said that if my parents got divorced I'd try and live with grandparents or a friend because I didn't want to have to chose between the two because to me that was just choosing my favorite parent and I didn't have one. I still don't. Just like I don't have a favorite sibling and just like I don't favor my sibling over my parent or vice versa.

Now this is hard to imagine because siblings always seem to stick together when it comes to situations where a parent is mad at a sibling. This brings me back to a different kind of love. I love my mother in a different yet equal way that I love my sister.

I suppose I'm lucky that I'm able to experience being close with a mother, a father, a sister, and a brother all equally. Instead of having a mother, step-mother, and father along with two sisters and three brothers. That's where I feel it would get more tricky because there's different exposure which would create different relationships and could possibly affect the love given or received. But since I only have one of each, I still hold true that I am able to love each member equally.

I feel I'm able to see objectively in this family. I am the middle child who has constantly been an ear to every member of my family. I most always listen to what everyone has to say no matter what or who it's about. I've been able to remain--for the most part--objective and neutral, being the perfect recipient of all this venting.

Except I can't do it anymore.

Seeing how much I'm trying to be there for all of my family members has shown me the wear and tear it's been putting on ME. I hear a family member say something rude and uncalled for about another family member and I feel frozen because if I don't say anything it looks like I'm agreeing but if I say something that ruins the point of venting. Challenging someone's opinion when they're in one of the highest states of individuality and righteousness is dangerous territory that I try not to tread. But hearing the things I've heard about each and every one of my family members by different family members is terrible. It's not healthy to say those things in jest or seriousness. I certainly hope that they are said for the pure purpose of venting, not out of true conviction that those things are believed to be true.

I had a stressful day with work and dealing with family matters. Things were said about every family member and I felt each time something was said it wore down on me more and more. All I wanted to do was talk back and prove that family member wrong--but I've sat through this enough times that it wouldn't get anywhere...so I never said anything throughout the day.

Well about a half hour ago something extremely uncalled for between two family members occurred and once again I had both talking to me poorly about the other. Feeling like shit, I go to one and say I don't want to hear these things about the other. I was not heard at all. I was told that what was said to me was fact, and if it's fact then it can always be told to me, whether I want to hear it or not.

That pissed me off. There's really no other way to put it. Because it's not fact--it's 100% subjective opinion. There are many different ways that I could prove it to be false, but again I didn't for fear of starting something I knew wouldn't end. I excused myself and proceeded to cry. That's when I realized the whole tole that has been put on me. Because I know what's coming. I feel like things will be said that can never be taken back and I feel that history could be repeating itself.

But I also feel that it is not my place to be a mediator, a side-taker, or most importantly, an ear. I no longer want to hear what any family member has to say about another unless it is POSITIVE. Negativity gets everyone NOWHERE, so I am not going to be a part of it. If a family member starts to say something I will either say absolutely nothing or say for them to not continue talking (depends on the situation and how gutsy I'm feeling against certain family members).

I refuse to take sides. I refuse to say any of my opinions about the matter. This is between them and them alone. I am Switzerland.

I am Switzerland.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

This is Me

Sitting on a bench:



Directly behind me you will see a path, some tree trunks, nothing special

EXCEPT ONE THING *IS* IMPORTANT

You see shadows

The only way to see shadows is for the sun to be out.

OMGGG THE SUN IS OUT!!! AMAZING!!!!!

tee hee. So I'm currently sitting out in between our art museum and science building, on a bench, enjoying the sun and the wind deciding to do whatever it wants to with my hair (it's really incredibly windy right now)

But I don't particularly care. You know why? Because it's SUNNY out...and it hasn't been sunny out for a long time. So instead of going inside and talking to everyone about how sunny it is, I am outside ENJOYING how sunny it is.

There's a group of kids playing kickball in front of me. There's a girl on a bench on the same path as me just reading a book. People are walking everywhere, talking, interacting, just basically going about their lives as normal...

..except for the fact that they too notice this wonderful weather that we are experiencing.

Unfortunately it will not last...because we are under tornado watch until 10:00 pm, and It's supposed to rain for the next three days.

Which is why I'm outside...on a bench...wind all around me...enjoying the weather.

Because I have absolutely no idea when it will come again.

...and because Zack's class gets out at 4:45 and it's 4:41 and his class is in the science building which is close to my bench so I might as well just stay here and say hello to him...

...but mostly because of the first reason =P

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Gmail FTW

You are currently using 9 MB (0 %) of your 7574 MB

I just recently connected my Ball State Webmail Outlook with a new gmail account. Because I was NCC/HCC before and that had a separate gmail account I was always hesitant to connect the two. But now that I'm not NCC/HCC, but still involved in basically everything, I decided to create a personal--yet professional--gmail that I could use as my new webmail.

My Outlook Webmail only lets me have 9 MB

I've already used 9 MB, and I've had this for *maybe* a month. Gmail says that I'm using 0% of my total space.

Epic. Win. =D

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

This is LEGIT!!!

I am in love with this mindset...and I found a blog that basically describes it!

http://missretroblog.blogspot.com/

Go check it out! Some may be repulsed...others just purely amused. Me? I'm inspired!


Something blunt about me? I'm basically an anti-feminist. Or sexist in favor of men. Basically, I don't believe women should have the same rights or held to the same standards as men. A lot of people think I'm not considering the extremes, but on the contrary,

I don't think women should serve in the military
I don't think women should be in high political positions
I don't think women should be head of big powerful companies

I think that a woman belongs alongside a man--her husband.

I AM NOT KIDDING. Like seriously, these are values that I truly hold. I feel that a woman has a right to get the education that she desires and she can get a job with that education if that is what she wants. But I feel that a woman is best utilized as a house-wife. At home. Taking care of the house and kids while the husband and father is at work making money to support the family.

Now, I know what you're thinking. This is barely feasible in this day and age. The cost of living has gone up since the 1950s and the idea of women staying at home has become less and less appealing to most. We have made such a big deal about womens' rights this past century that they feel insulted when they're not included in something. Yet they were perfectly fine with it before all the fuss and hubub. Is this evolution, or is this just crazy ideas being put into others' minds?

Me? I'm in college, working on a teaching degree. But honestly, I just want to teach for as long as I have to. I'm fine with teaching to help build up savings for my family, but once I have kids I don't want to teach anymore. I want to be the one to raise my kids. I don't want some business, daycare, or stranger raising my kids for me. As a mother, that's my job. Not to work outside the house. No.

I don't get it why some people don't see this.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Beautiful Day

I don't know why, I really don't know why I feel this way.

Today is going to be awesome. This week is going to be amazing.

I just have this feeling...and I like it. =D


I woke up this morning and immediately was in a good mood. I got breakfast and ready for the day...it was absolutely beautiful out. I was walking hand in hand with my boyfriend to our class together and everything just felt in sync and...

...perfect!

I've been dating this kid for two and a half months now. We spend a TON of time together! I don't know why, but I would have thought that the first week would be complete clinginess but after a while we would not need to spend as much time with each other. You know, just a moderate amount of time with each other, and then spending more time with friends--finding that balance in our lives.

But no. Even today we talked about spending more time together than usual with each other. We spent almost every moment of this past weekend with each other and we're certainly not tired of each other. It's amazing! The only difference that I can see is that we're wanting to spend more time away from campus and outside...but with each other, not apart.

It's a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really GOOD feeling =D

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Birthdays for the Better

7th Grade: Cried on my birthday because I had a party that weekend and so no one wished me happy birthday *on* my birthday. Also got no cards from relatives
8th Grade: Went to another friend's birthday party on my birthday, for her birthday, because her birthday was the next day.
9th Grade: Had a party with a friend-at-the-time who has the same birthday as me with many mutual friends. Pretty divided between who was friends with who.
10th Grade: Fought with same FATT who has the same birthday as me because she would say "her 16th birthday" instead of "our 16th birthday" to all of our mutual friends.
11th Grade: No longer friends with FATT. Had show choir practice on that day, her mother brought in cupcakes for the choir. Everyone sang happy birthday to HER, not me.
12th Grade: Boyfriend-at-the-time did not call me. Still not friends with FATT, FATT still trying to get all of our friends to recognize her birthday and not mine...was sung to that year though.

...I had bad luck with birthdays. Or I guess I was just too pessimistic to enjoy my birthdays. I went into my freshman year of college absolutely dreading my birthday. Tears were shed; I just was not looking forward to the day. I had broken up with a boyfriend just a week or so earlier...it was not a good time.

I was blessed. I had some stellar friends who went out of their way to make sure that I had a great birthday. The Residence Hall Association sang Happy Birthday to me, my friends completely supported me and did everything they could to give me an awesome day. And then I went to have a great weekend at home with friends and family. Epic Win.

Of course, I wasn't sure if that feeling could be topped going into my 20th birthday just a couple days ago. I knew it wasn't going to be terrible though, because I had the same amazing friends, completely supportive family, and this time a wonderful boyfriend determined to make it my best birthday yet.

Well...they succeeded. The day started with me waking up to my boyfriend saying "My baby is 20 years old!" along with some more romantic acts =). Then I went to class and my roommate jumped me in a HUGE hug screaming "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" in the middle of a crowded hallway. Then I went to Emens auditorium where the boyfriend bought us tickets to see a percussionist on Saturday. Then went to Noyer and got two pieces of cheesecake for later that night--Lemon Drop and Very Cherry...! Then I got ready for the boyfriend to take me out. When he got here he gave me flowers, a little stuffed blue bunny, a gummy blue bunny on a stick, and a bracelet with a black cord and blue beads in it. Really sweet of him! Then we went to Greeks Pizza, which is where he took me for Valentine's Day, and it was AMAZING! Then we came back to Stu and played EPIC POUNCE with friends...it was amazing fun! The whole night was...it was just an AMAZING birthday!

But it wasn't over yet! The boyfriend decided that it was my birthday weekend, not just the day. =) So I got to sleep in until 2:30 pm...because I could! Then we went to lunch and on a walk (The weather was FANTASTIC!) and then to the percussionist! Then I made him dinner...it was definitely interesting lol.

And Sunday was great, too! The parents came up, gave me some family presents, and took me and my friends bowling...it was epic. We played two games and enjoyed every minute of it! Then the family and the boyfriend and I went to Olive Garden for a nice lunch/dinner and then after they left Zackk and I decided that a nap was deserved =P

It was an amazing weekend. All of my insecurities of having a bad birthday have been completely vanished. All I can think about is how happy I have been these past few weeks. I'm looking at the past and smiling...looking at the present and smiling...and looking at the future and smiling.

Love is what brings us together today <3

What Wouldn't Happen Without Social Networking

This is what I tweeted:

EmmaLouBelle (Emma Dennis): just bought the new @WeTheKings single! #FridayIsForever is FANTASTIC! =)


And this is what I got about five hours later:

WeTheKings (We The Kings): @EmmaLouBelle thanks for pickin it up! #fridayisforever



...Let's start at the beginning, shall we?



This is We The Kings. They are an alternative band that I got into the last semester of my senior year of high school. Basically, I listened to Skyway Avenue once and completely and absolutely fell in love. Now, I own every song of theirs and absolutely love their music!

Well on Twitter they were advertising their new single that was just released today. Since I got iTunes money for my birthday, I decided to buy it and definitely enjoyed it. Since I follow them on Twitter, I decided to just mention them and say how much I did enjoy it. And--to my luck--they decided to reply back to me to say thanks!

Without social networking, I probably wouldn't have known that their single came out today, and I probably wouldn't have contacted them to tell them I liked it and they probably wouldn't have thanked me for purchasing the song. Social Networking is bridging the gap of approachability as well as convenience, speed, and contact.

And as long as I'm reaping the benefits of it...I'm not complaining that I talk more to my best friends online than I do in person! =P




If you're interested in their song, click the link!

Friday is Forever!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Oops, Have to Correct Something

I am now the Assistant Director of Administration for IRHO. No one else applied so I got that position...and I'll probably be the in-house parliamentarian--but like RHA it won't be in my title.

Thought you should know. Here's my e-mail signature:

~*~*~
Ellen M. Dennis
317.442.9203
emdennis@bsu.edu
emaedennis@gmail.com

Housing and Residence Life: 2011 Accelerate Student Coordinator
Student Government Association: Parliamentarian
Ball State University

Indiana Residence Hall Organization: Assistant Director of Administration
Great Lake Affiliate College and University Residence Halls: Parliamentarian

"A leader has to be practical and a realist, yet must talk the language of the visionary and the idealist." ~Eric Hoffer







Pretty awesome, right? Love the quote--it works with my major! Oh the life of a leader...=) <3

It confounds me!

My English 220 (Language Society) and French 337 (French Phonetics) classes individually bug me. I am not a fan of either of these classes because of what is covered and how the material is presented.

But man! I *LOVE* how I can relate one class to the other. I'm constantly thinking about things said in one class that apply to another. I just brought a culture aspect from my French class and used it in discussion in my English class...

...also the fact that my French class is right after my English class...that definitely helps solidify some concepts...because we talk about a lot of the same things in both classes so I definitely understand things better...or at least I should lol =)

Who'd have thought that two classes I'm not too fond of just come together to create a wonderful experience for me =P

Monday, April 4, 2011

Il N'y a Pas De Mots

Il n'y a pas de mots qui peuvent décrire les choses que je me sens maintenant. Je suis si heureuse...ce n'est pas possible d'être si heureuse comme je suis. WOW. YOUPI. C'EST MAGNIFIQUE! JE SOURIS TOUJOURS!

Je l'aime. Je suis sûr que je l'aime...ces émotions ne sont pas possible sans amour...sans aimer.

D'accord, voilà les choses qui se sont passés plus tôt. Nous avons dîné et puis nous avons vu un orateur parce qu'il pouvait gagner le credit supplémentaire pour son cours de l'histoire. C'était très ennuyeux pour moi...j'étais là pour lui, je n'ai pas eu besoin d'y aller.

Donc, après ça, nous avons aller au Collège de Professeurs parce qu'il y a des grands fenêtres au 10ème étage et le vue est incroyable! On peut voir tout de campus et les lumières sont...oh c'était si jolie!

Ah bon...la raison que j'écris en français et la raison pourquoi j'écris ça: Je l'aime. Zack. J'aime Zack avec toute ma coeur. Quand nous sommes allés au Collège de Professeurs, il m'a demandé si je voudrais aller à California avec lui. Je l'ai demandé quand et il m'a dit "Je ne connais pas un date specifique, mais un jour l'année prochaine, je pense". Il pense que nous serons ensemble l'année prochaine!!! Puis, après ça, il regardait par la fenêtre et m'a dit "je sais que nous ne sommes pas ensemble depuis longtemps, mais je peux nous voir ensemble pour tout ma vie"

LDKGJWIEJFPWDJLDFKJHWOIQPAISOFIKNEWHOEIGHNSLDKFJKJBLOWIEJRFDKSLCNVWEO

QUOI?!?!?! QU'EST-CE QU'IL M'A DIT?!?!? EST-CE QU'IL EST SERIEUX?!?

Mon Dieu, il fait ma vie =)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Never Thought I'd say This

I want to blog.

I honestly want to blog right now. I haven't the slightest idea why...I never have before...and this is pretty much my fourth or fifth blog...and this is really the only one I've ever wanted to keep up with.

Feel honored, blog.

You see, the problem is, I really don't think I have anything new to say. Last week was just a;skdfjpafiubhakfgjfghdkfjldfjh;fj CRAZY! Getting into all of those organizations and everything starting all at once...it was fantastic!

But this week is just kind of...you know...blah-ish.

I mean...it's snowing on March 30th...RHA Presidential Elections are tomorrow...I was nominated for NRHH Secretary on Monday...Zack and I are good...There's stuff going on just not "bloggable" stuff I suppose.

Or I"m going crazy...that's possible too =P

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

I'm CRAZY for Leaderhip! ...or just crazy =P

In the year 2011, even though it is only March, I have been nominated for NINE leadership positions:

1) NRHH Selection Committee
2) IRHO Parliamentarian
3) IRHO Assistant Director of Administration
4) NRHH President
5) Accelerate Student Coordinator
6) GLACURH Parliamentarian
7) GLACURH Indiana Regional Communications Coordinator
8) SGA Parliamentarian
9) RHA President

Now, thankfully I did not win/accept all of these positions! The ones that I will be continuing with next year are:

-IRHO Parliamentarian
-Accelerate Student Coordinator
-GLACURH Parliamentarian
-SGA Parliamentarian

Technically, I already accepted and fulfilled my duties of NRHH Selection Committee; it was something I obtained but it's already been and done with so it's not in the list for positions for next year.

I am foreseeing another nomination or two but I'm not holding my breath. I absolutely LOVE how much parliamentary procedure I'll be dealing with next year!

I'm currently home for the weekend. I just got my hair cut and I'm going shopping with mom and sister and then I work Saturday and Sunday and I'll be back on campus Sunday night. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss certain people up there =)

As usual, Life Is Good...for always and forever <3

Thursday, March 24, 2011

How Much do You Want Your Brain to Hurt?

This is what my Linguistics professor just e-mailed me:

I want to make you aware of a mistake I made in class today. When we were writing down the different word classes for each of the words in the sentence, "Many executives eat..." I mistakenly said that 'really' was an adjective. I had heard a question about whether you can have multiple adjectives and knew the answer was yes, but then mistakenly tried to prove it with the wrong sentence.

While 'really' is traditionally considered an adverb in grammar circles, our book actually would identify 'really' as a degree word that expresses a degree of 'fanciness' (like very fancy, or so fancy). The reason it's not an adverb or adjective here is because it is a function word that always modifies adjectives or adverbs and because new words don't enter this category (like open class words).


ooouuuuuchhhhhhhhh

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Why is she my roomie again?

Amy:
you're
not
here
right
now
but
i
can
see
the
thing
pop
up
as
i
type
each
word
its'
actually
kinda
funny
watching
the
words
pop
up
as
i
hit
the
enter
button
i
wonder
when
you
are
gonna
get
back
cuz
i
could
just
keep'
going
on
like
this
i
think
i
wil
will*
oh
my
i
messed
up
well
that's
all
well
and
good
this
is
going
to
be
fun
for
you
to
read
when
you
get
back
if
you
get
back
are
you
back
yet
?
?
?
:|[
hm
it
was
supposed
to
be
a
robot
:|]:|]
Ah
hah!
got
it
:):)
oh
yea
you
wanted
to
try
my
mint
cookie
thing
a
ma
bobs

Emma:
YOU ARE A CRAZY MAD WOMAN!!!!!!

Thankful in March

I have had a great week. Actually, I've had a great last five and a half weeks. It's been absolutely fantastic! There have been some ups, downs, and curveballs thrown my way, but just how I feel today and how I know I will feel tomorrow makes this entire journey worth it.

I have been feeling moderately down lately because I feel my on campus involvement has been coming to an irreversible close. I've been trying to see this more as an opportunity to move on to bigger and better things, such as the IRHO and GLACURH organizations. Which I have...I am guaranteed a position of sorts in IRHO and I submitted two applications for GLACURH. And I did eventually get the Accelerate Student Coordinator position which will be really nice...but I still felt like I wouldn't be doing anything during the actual school year and that made me sad...especially since that has been a constant of mine for the past two years.

I had never shown interest in the Student Government Association before. I was all 100% Residence Hall Life coming in and I haven't backed down since. Today, I got an e-mail from the President of the new slate: Catalyst

"Emma,
Since you picked up RHA, I have heard nothing short of amazing reviews of your understanding of Parliamentary Procedure. While RHA and SGA are two distinct organizations, our procedures have much in common. Chris, Megan, Mary, and I have given a lot of thought as to who we would love to have by our side in our executive positions, and we would like to offer you the position of Parliamentarian. It is a very distinguished position, basically giving you the title of in-house expert concerning Robert's Rules of Order and Parliamentary Procedure. The position requires attendance of Senate Meetings and two office hours a week in the SGA office. Your current non involvement in the SGA is very much ideal, because the Parliamentarian is called to be impartial in Senate decisions, and rather serving as the final authority on Parli Pro. Our current Parliamentarian, Devin Hillsdon-Smith, is without a doubt the most knowledgeable person I have ever met concerning Robert's Rules. He has served the position for two years, and he has already said that he would love to help transition the next Parliamentarian. Also I would like to welcome you to sit in on a Senate meeting if you would like to get a feel for it before hand. We meet today (Wed) at 3:15 in Cardinal Hall B of the Student Center. If you have any questions whatsoever, please feel free to let me know. I look forward to hearing back from you. Have a great day!
--
Kayla Pickersgill
President
BSU Student Government Association"


They've heard of ME! They came to ME! Something that I never even hinted that I was interested in, and they know my name and my skills and they asked ME!!!!!

*does happy dance*

I completely freaked out when I read this e-mail. It was not something I was expecting at all and I was completely enthralled! Zack was there, he saw my initial reaction and how excited I was.

Seeing this, it reminded me why I love Student Life here at Ball State and why I have invested so much of my time in extra curricular activities all my life. I am thankful for the opportunities that have been presented to me--especially the ones that I don't expect. It truly is an honor and a privilege to be known on such a grand level.

I am thankful for everything that has effected my life and put me where I am today. It's a fantastic feeling...I feel so loved by my family, friends, and boyfriend. I feel so supported by my colleagues who show me opportunities I might not have seen on my own.

I feel happy. Truly and completely happy.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oh Yeah, This JUST Happened...

Emma: No prob, Bob

Amy: Thanks, Bill

Emma: Anytime, Fred

Amy: For real, Frank

Emma: You know it, Paul

Amy: For sure I do, Larry

Emma: Indeed, Steve

Amy: I need to get back to work lol

OH THE FRENCH!!!

So. I've noticed in my past two years of college that a lot of people change their majors. Talking to some of these major-changers, I've asked why. The answers I've typically gotten is either "it was something I thought I enjoyed more than I actually did" or "I thought that if it became my profession instead of a hobby I'd end of hating and resenting it".

You want to know something cool? I don't think I've ever felt that way about French. It's been a major part of my life for almost six years now, and I'm working on making it my career. Even when I was thinking about changing my major I was keeping the French and losing the education, not the other way around. It is something that has influenced my life so much that I feel *not* making a career out of it would be a waste of a fantastic talent.

I mean, in all seriousness, it's not like you can recreationally keep up with a language. I mean...you kind of can...but not at the same competence level as teaching it everyday for the rest of your life! GAH FRENCH!!!

And trust me, it's not like I'm not exposed to it enough or anything. If nothing else I'm exposed to it MORE NOW than I will be once I become a teacher. I mean, last semester I took three French classes along with foreign language education along with honors translations. This semester I'm taking only one French class, but I'm working on my honors thesis...which is a 16th century translation.

Not a fan of the translation...especially when I was supposed to have all summer to work on it. I found out about this yesterday and I have to have at least 100 lines by Monday...sheesh!

...but I still want to do it. Call me crazy! (I am crazy if I want to translate something that most dictionaries now don't recognize...) Dr. Gilman tells me every time I translate that I have a knack for it. Even though this is something I have absolutely no interest in, because I am told I have a knack for it, I want to continue.

...yup I'm crazy. OH THE FRENCH!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Simplicity of Being Blunt

This weekend was awesome. Completely and utterly one of the best weekends I could ever imagine.

In short, it consisted of a lot of boyfriend time, friend time, and family time. I got to go home, see family and friends, as well as see my sister perform in Belles et Beaux for her last ISSMA State Competition. They got 3rd but I was soooo proud of them--their show was AMAZING! It was fantastic I was constantly screaming, clapping, and squeezing Zack's hand because I was just so excited for them!

Then I decided to be the good girlfriend and go to Zack's desk hours and just spend more time with him. The time actually went by pretty quickly; I guess all of those box office hours at Rave are paying off so I can stand for his entire shift ;-)

You know and there's just been a lot of fun, cute stuff. I really can't go into description of it all because words can't start to describe the happiness I've been experiencing. It's just been an altogether great weekend due to several different aspects of my life.

I can't wait to do it all again =)

Life. Is. Good. =)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Wait...WHAT?!?!

Since when did I become such a blogging enthusiast? Earlier you'd be lucky if I'd post once a month...now March is being completely blown up by my posts! Granted, some are just poems, but STILL! This is not usual!

...not complaining =)

No Day But Today

That's what I've been living for pretty much this entire week. Take everything one day at a time, and don't look too far into the future or too far into the past. Live in the moment and seize the day.

It's hard. I'm used to holding grudges and I'm used to planning as far as possible in advance. Thinking only about the now AND being content with that is a very hard task to undergo.

The boyfriend is helping with that. It's extremely easy to think only about the now when the now is with him...be it in class, or just walking, or hanging out, or being all couple-y...yeahhhhhh =)

This week has been an adventure of closing doors and opening new ones. Sometimes behind those new doors there has been a bottomless pit...but in others I have found the path that I should be on. Although I did not obtain the NRHH presidency, I will be returning to campus early next year to be the Accelerate Program Student Coordinator. This is a position that I was approached about (one of my advisors thought I'd be good for it) and then after discussing what all it would entail, I received it. It's a great feeling knowing that I will be impacting new leader minds next year =)

I am currently going for three off-campus positions. One is with the Indiana Residence Hall Organization (IRHO) for the Assistant Director of Administration, and the other two are with the Great Lake Affiliate College and University Residence Halls (GLACURH) for the Parliamentarian or Indiana Regional Communication Coordinator (RCC) positions. Even though these wouldn't go into effect until next year, it is a big part of my life now because I am going through applications and the entire appointment process.

Therefore, I justify my future thinking.

The future thinking I am trying not to justify is about my friends, my career, my relationship, and just all of the "what if" statements that could possibly happen. By the same token, I'm trying to stray away from the "what if I had" statements from my past. Even though they fill my life with thoughts and sheer wonder, it can lead to senarios that I don't want to consider, and that's not healthy.

I'm looking for a "no doubts no regrets" type of living here. Hopefully that will help me with everything that is going on in my life right now. I'm getting ready to go home tomorrow morning so I can see my sister in her last year of show choir perform at the state competition. I get to see both my immediate and extended family, and they get to see me, some college friends, and they get to meet the boyfriend as well. It's going to be a great day--I'm completely enthused.

Today...everything is going great. I love how I feel, what has occurred, and just the security I feel I've been given with who I am, the choices I've made, and how they affect my life. I am Me, and I am accepted for that. It's a great feeling to realize and I hope it stays as long as possible.

~~~

"There's only now, there's only here. Give into love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today"