Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Work Rant Part 1

I recently just doubled my work load. I'm legitimately doing twice the work I was doing the first half of the semester. It was hard to make this decision because I didn't want to overextend myself and I wanted to make sure my priorities were where they needed to be. I ended up agreeing to the work surplus because in the long run I thought it was the best move for me. Even though it's only just begun, I know it's the right move. There is one thing that I didn't take into consideration that I should have...because it would have made my decision that much easier: I love what I do. A coworker of mine reflected saying that he didn't feel like he was "working" because of how much he enjoyed his job. I realized a couple of days ago that it's the same for me. I feel like I'm in my nitch...that I'm where I'm supposed to be. The crazy hours and the lack of sleep  aren't even a factor right now. I don't go to work with my staff. I go home and work with my family :)

Monday, October 21, 2013

One of My Best Memories

I understand that this will sound lame to most, but this is truly something that I cherish and hope to never take for granted.

One of my favorite childhood memories was growing up with the Harry Potter franchise. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people who read the books before they became popular, or before the movie series was announced. Unfortunately, I wasn't that cool. My parents bought my brother the first book when he was in 6th grade so that he'd have something to do when we were on the plane going on spring break. I was in 4th grade at the time, and I believe the movie series had just been announced, and only four of the books had been published thus far. My brother actually had to have the book taken away from him, because if it wasn't, he would have finished it before the plane even took off! Once we got back from break, my parents bought the other three books published in the series and he started to read them, encouraging me and my sister to do the same.

I started to read the first one, but when I put it down my sister picked it up. Do you know how hard it is to share a book series with two siblings? Not to mention the parents although they were patient enough to wait for us to finish first :P Anyway, I actually didn't finish the first book before the first movie. I actually finished the SECOND book before I finished the first. It didn't matter being out of order, though, because I had fallen in love.

And that's the best part of the memory, falling in love not just with one book or one author, but with a series that captivates you from the start and leaves you CRAVING for more, even a half decade after the last book was published. I went to midnight releases for the books AND the movies! I remember reading the fifth book at my sister's softball games. I remember not being able to talk to my siblings or my friends for a good week because we didn't want to spoil anything for anyone. I remember bashing the movies for getting certain parts of the books wrong, but still loving the movies almost as much of the books for identifying so well with their target audience that I felt like they were made for ME.

Like I said, the books have been published for years. The movies have been out for years. And I still look back and read and watch them. I can honestly say I've never had another series affect me like this, and I truly feel like my childhood would be missing something if I hadn't partaken in this adventure. I honestly fear that my children will never be able to feel a joy that comes close to what that series made me feel.

For Granted

There are some times where I forget how absolutely awesome it is to be able to speak, write, and comprehend French. Because seriously, to have this skill, it's not something that I can understand not having. It's that much a part of me. Which I still to this day think is pretty darn amazing.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A Letter

Dear [Best] Friend,

I know you don't understand our friendship. I know you don't understand why I make a big deal about talking or making a comment every time I see you. You probably think I'm some loony who makes you feel uncomfortable, although I certainly hope not. What I don't think you know is how much I love having you talk back with me, especially since you didn't used to. I love hearing what you have to say, answering your questions, and laughing with you. I love joking around with you. I just wish I could touch you. The fact that you hugged me before you left the first time made my heart flutter ten times over...I wished I could have hugged you today. Every time I saw you these past days...I could not stop smiling. Are you aware how you affect me? I want to drop everything for you. I want to run away with you. I know that if you were reading this and knew it was about you, you'd be blushing the deepest shade of red and couldn't look me in the eye.

I have a student that reminds me of you. I wanted to tell you this weekend but didn't know how to bring it up without sounding awkward (because none of this post is awkward at all...). I didn't realize he reminded me of you until I saw you were coming home and was able to feel the same emotion for both you and him. It makes me want to be twice as close to him in hopes that it somehow keeps me linked to you.

I know that we'll always have the friendship we currently have without it becoming more than what it already is. I am prepared for that. My fantasies only keep you close to me, in hopes that maybe one day we can get of work and actually say two words to each other.

If I could have any wish it would be for you to think fondly of me when you were away...and then do something about it when you return.

Until next time

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

That

I need to let someone know I took out seven THAT's from my previous post because I am now self conscious about THAT habit. Thanks a lot

Cough cough. 

Guys, I Figured It Out

Ok, so I'm not saying I play favorites as a teacher. I give all my students the same opportunities. But, there are obviously some students I relate to and get along with better than others. This is natural. I have a soft spot for one student in one of my classes. I could never pinpoint the trait or quality that gave me the soft spot for this student, I just really really wanted him to succeed and understand my lessons. 

Just now, as in less than five minutes ago, I realized how much this student reminds me of my BEST FRIEND from work. Legitimately. I just found out best friend was coming home from college to work this week of fall break, and the emotions that came out were exactly the same ones for my student, and all of a sudden it clicked. 

This just shows how much I missed my best friend. He needs to come home more often :)

Monday, October 7, 2013

Reflections to a Friend

Dearest,

It's hard to accept that I was beat to the punch. Near the end that's exactly how I felt though I'd never admit it. You were the one that took control and made things ultimately for the better, not me. It's easy to be resentful because of it, but almost two years later I'm thinking maybe it was the best thing for us.

See, we never had closure. I'm wondering what closure was needed, as it seemed you and I would never again see eye to eye. It felt like we were blaming each other for our own mistakes rather than taking responsibility and making corrections as needed. Seeing that door ultimately close, both physically and virtually, made connections possible...but we both knew I would never take the hit of my pride to reach out to you.

That's how it had always been. I'd hurt you, I'd hurt myself by hurting you, yet I'd still expect you to reach out to me and get the ball rolling. For a long time we were always able to rely on that because it was a system that worked well enough for both of us...even though it wasn't fair. You just happened to be a good enough person to be a friend before being right. I should have learned that...maybe I did it just took me a while.

The saying goes "bros before hos; sisters before misters"...and on paper it's obvious that's where our downfall was. In an ideal world we'd each coexist in our social group and in our intimate group harmoniously. Well on both sides that never worked for either of us. There are a thousand "what if" scenarios that maybe just maybe we could have fixed any damage that had been done...but if that happened, would I be here now, coming to the revelation I have?

...now of course that I've stated it, it's supposed to now be this grandiose thing, which it's not. We've not spoken in almost two years, what's to say that should even change, let alone can even change? Is it sad that there are times I do or see something and you're the first person I want to tell? Or that there are quirks that we honed in on and made our own that still rest with me today (What's this? I don't know, but here goes another one...). I suppose in the past couple of months I've noticed a decline in spite within myself. It sucks to admit that there was spite in the first place, but like I said earlier you beat me to the punch...almost like you beat me at my own game. But more and more that's not what I think of when I think of you. More happy reminiscing...more laughing at the good times rather than holding onto the bad.

I have no idea what you're doing with your life right now. I don't know what track you're on, career, education, or otherwise. I don't know what your status is, what your current goals are, or even what color your hair currently is. I could probably navigate my way through social networking sites to find answers to these but I don't think I would be satisfied with the knowledge. I'm fairly certain I want my best friend back rather than just knowing about her.

boo hoo, Emma wants her best friend back, the one she pushed away and didn't attempt to contact for two years, big whoop. Karma's a bitch, am I right? It's possible that this will do nothing but create a funny story for those around you. It's possible this will go unread and unheard. It's possible that this will bring back two years of resentment and give me the worst kind of closure. Or maybe it's possible that this could open a door a crack and let there be a possibility for communication. Part of me wishes that I wasn't writing this right now because I haven't developed my thoughts to create a well-rounded letter...I'm pretty sure this looks like it was typed by a 5th grader. But at the same time it's so easy for me to over-think my feelings that maybe this is the only way I can get true feelings across, butchered syntax and all?

I don't want fake happiness, fake welcome, or fake tan (lol). No cuts, no buts, no coconuts. Straight A's, World Peace, and Brad Pitt (lightly buttered). I'd love some inspiration to write an actual blog post that reaches the eyes of millions...oh wait that's not what this is about...oops.

I want...your attention. Please yell if you're paying attention.

Please yell...

Please yell...

Please yell...


I truly hope you're doing well with whatever you're doing. I hope you're happy. I hope you're surrounded by those you love and those who love you in return. I hope you've found the spiritual relationship that works best for you and I hope you're still as funny, quirky, charismatic, impulsive, loving, and strong as my memories of you.

Until next time,
~Me

I Was Going To Freak Out

Because I try and have at least one post a month on her. And while I've been exceedingly busy, I had a strike of guilt when I remembered it was now October and I did not remember blogging in September.

BUT HA! I WAS WRONG! I DID BLOG IN SEPTEMBER! WHAT NOW!

...I understand no one cares about this but me, but hey, it's something right?

I'm going to post my teaching reflections on here at some point. Granted I'll make the dates make sense so then this post will look crazy because I'll magically have more posts in September, but just roll with it, ok?

:) If nothing else, I'm good for this month too! :P