You know, the honeymoon might be over, but sometimes my boyfriend is literally the best.
We've always texted each other at the start of our days good morning, love you, have a good day today. Some days it happens later than others due to school craziness or running late to work, but it still always happens. And it's not just one person always texting first or unequal in that way.
Today I got out of class and to lunch at 11:15. My morning had been absolutely crazy with prepping my French kids with a test and realizing that all my EL students have a science test tomorrow even though they have two different science teachers. And my prep was taken by a new student who needed an ELP test...basically it was absolutely crazy.
So I sit down and look at my phone and realize I have no messages. Obviously I'm not the only one who's having a busy morning, so I send this text off:
"Blah. It's been beyond crazy today. Sorry I didn't text earlier. Have a good day!"
Less than 10 seconds later my phone pings. Usually that means that it won't send in iMessage, but as it turns out, my boyfriend sent me a text almost exactly at the same time:
"Hey beautiful. Hope you're having a good day" with three heart emojis.
SA-WOON! I responded "Great minds think alike" and he responded "clearly we were thinking of each other" and it was just probably the smallest yet most adorable thing I have ever taken part in a relationship before.
So I just had to tell someone :)
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
And to Think I was Worried
June 3: Digital Content PD
June 4: EL Team Development PD
June 8: Multimedia PD
June 8-June 14: vacation in Florida
June 15-June 18: Project Based Learning PD
June 18-June 23: trip to Ohio
June 27: wedding to attend
July 6: CPR Recertification
July 13: Tech Tools PD
July 14: Google in your Classroom PD
July 20: Technology Review PD
July 23-July 24: SIOP Book Study PD
July 27-July 28: Teacher Work Days
July 29: First Day for Students
I don't know about you, but for someone who has "the whole summer off" that looks pretty busy to me. On top of this I am creating four class curriculums, which totals to about 140 lessons.
I mean, I don't have anyone in my life that truly thinks I don't deserve eight weeks without seeing students, but even though I tell them how busy I am, sometimes I feel like they don't actually get it. I mean, I don't know if anyone can get it without experiencing it. Because of top of that I have a YMCA membership that I'm trying to use every day I can, I'm trying to catch up on sleep to make those terrible dark circles under my eyes go away, I have a tan I'm trying to keep up (the sun makes me happy) and I have a social life I'm trying to enjoy, because once school starts again...all bets are off on all three of those things.
It is amusing though because I legitimately was scared that I would have been too bored this summer doing next to nothing. Now I wonder if I overbooked myself! I know I am both lucky and blessed with the life I have been given, and I look forward to doing everything this summer, even if I become a tad bit sleep deprived :)
Where My Conservative Side Gets the Best of Me
When I was growing up, we watched a lot of NCIS. One of my favorite characters was Abby, who did all the lab work and kept up with the witty banter and general tomfoolery. I remember learning that her character had seven tattoos, and four of them were actually the actress'.
We have several teachers in our school that have tattoos. Luckily, our teacher handbooks says as long as they aren't "overly large" (subjective to principal) or offensive in any way, they don't have to be covered up. So I see tattoos on wrists, feet, ankles, and arms quite frequently. I don't think of them less as teachers because of it.
There is a person that I am friends with on Facebook who constantly posts about working people with tattoos and how they shouldn't be prohibited to work because they chose to express themselves through tattoos.
To this I both agree and disagree. I think there's a difference between having a doctorate and being an expert in your field and having tattoos versus going for a minimum paying job and having tattoos. I think there's a difference from being one of a select few who are qualified for your job, and you have tattoos, versus going for a job that everyone is qualified for, and you have tattoos. While I believe that a person should not be judged--as a person--for their choice to have tattoos, when you have several candidates who are equally qualified, I can understand the appeal of going with the candidate who appears more professionally without them then the one who doesn't.
Now my sister goes back and forth about getting a tattoo, and she says if she did she would make sure it was in a position on her body where it could be covered up. When you're going in for an interview, you are supposed to appear as professional as possible. If you are going for a position where you think your tattoos would potentially harm your chances, you should wear something in the interview to cover them up. Then it becomes a nonissue, and you can be as tatted as you want.
I suppose that's where my disagreement comes into play, if you made the choice to get a tattoo on a body part that cannot be covered up (neck, face, high chest, hands, etc), then you have consciously excluded yourself from jobs that will chose more professionally appearing, though equally qualified, candidates.
I think a person's qualifications speak for themselves. If you have a spider web on your neck but are the best at what you do, I don't think your tattoo is going to stop you from obtaining a career. If you're going from job to job multiple times a year because of one reason or another, I don't know how qualified you are and that's where your tattoos could be used to judge you as a person. You're struggling to be qualified for minimum jobs but yet you're fine spending $50-$100 on a tattoo that you can't cover up and therefore are moving yourself down the line for ideal job candidates. I don't know about you, but $50-$100 is my electric bill. I'd rather keep my electricity on another month than get ink on my face. Not to mention $50-$100 could buy some really nice clothes that could look super professional and hide your current tattoos in an interview.
SHOULD it be a nonissue? I don't know. The professional world is a conservative one. That's a fact that those of us trying to get into the professional world need to understand. I don't think you should be surprised if you get passed up for your lack of professional ability: YOU didn't play by the rules. There's a reason why top business people where suits, don't have unkempt hair (facial or otherwise) and are clear of general debris (thank goodness for lint rollers). I'm sure several business people have tattoos, wake up with bed head, and have pets that leave tiny hairs and fuzz all over things. But they know how to be taken seriously, and they take the time to do so. They are winning the game, now the question truly is: are you willing to play?
Saturday, May 16, 2015
La foi peut déplacer les montagnes
Shawn Hunter: [Cory and Shawn are discussing Cory and Topanga's recent breakup] Cory, Topanga went out with another guy last night. I'm really sorry, man.
Cory: So we're the only two people in the world who still have hope for Topanga and me, and you're throwing in the towel?
Shawn Hunter: [nods] Sorry, Cory.
Cory: All right.
[turns away]
Shawn Hunter: You okay?
Cory: Yeah, sure. It's a strange feeling, though.
Shawn Hunter: What, knowing that it's finally over between you and Topanga?
Cory: [turns back to face Shawn] No, being the only one who knows it's not.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Don't Let the MAN Get You Down
I have to say, there is one thing about women in society that I just do not get.
I take that back, there are several things about women in society that I don't get, however today I am focusing on one.
It's a big movement in tumblr posts to portray women as hard workers in the day outside of the home but the minute we get home, pants are off, bra is off, and we're strutting around letting our thighs jiggle and boobs hang loose without a literal single care in the world.
Now I relate to this, but on a metaphorical sense. I don't literally take these things off and lounge around half naked in my apartment, though I do change into something more comfortable than dress pants and spend a good deal of time in my living room either reading or watching something. For someone who is very in control of her life and likes most things exactly my way, this relaxation time is my equivalent of letting it all hang loose.
...except, I'm learning that this is not just a metaphoric portrayal. There is a following of women that let things hang loose in the literal manner!
This continues to intrigue me. Mostly, the whole bra thing. It turns out that some of my friends spend more time throughout the day without a bra on than with one! While there's a part of me that's secretly cheering them on "yeah! Why should you let society dictate how you situate your tits?" ...but there's another part of me that's like " I think you're doing it wrong"
Here's my thing: I love my bra. I spend as little time without a bra on as possible. I even sleep in bras most of the time. And if you know me, you know I have pretty sizeable boobs. I have the underwires, and the stays on the sides. Even when the bra is betraying me by poking my skin I still take the support over none every single time.
I don't think wearing a bra everyday should be uncomfortable. I think if it is, you should probably go to a specialty store and pick out some new ones. I suppose if you're able to do you're job effectively and professionally without a bra then be there more power to you, I just wonder if it says more than your preference of undergarment (or lack thereof) maybe I'm thinking too metaphorically again but I think I believe that life is always going to have situations where you have to suck it up and put on a bra whether you want to or not. Is it easier for you to live life avoiding the bra as much as possible? Or should you embrace the bra, get used to it, and eventually see that maybe it wasn't as uncomfortable as you originally thought?
I very well could just be jealous of those who can pull off living life without a bra. Maybe there isn't a deeper meaning at all. But in case there is, perhaps the extra support isn't a bad thing :)
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Middle School Angst
Working in a middle school is reminding me of certain things about my middle school experience. Like how the girls are taller than the boys, and how they're toying with the line of appropriateness...I had a kid call two of my students lovers and I had to stop and think if he meant that sexually or just innocently. Not to mention all the innuendo and discovery of swearing...it's just an interesting time for everyone involved.
But then, I saw this BuzzFeed article: 21 Traumatic Middle School Memories No One Will EVER Forget, and I really wanted to do a blog about if I remember those memories, if they're pertinent to where I am now, and how they've affected me.
So let's begin!
1. Seeing your ALWAYS EMBARRASSING yearbook photo for the first time.
I'm not sure if I'm actually embarrassed by any of my yearbook photos. In 6th grade it was the first year I wore jeans on picture day (I had previously worn dresses each year). But in 7th grade I was growing out my bangs so that was a little awkward. And while in 8th grade I did have braces, I actually really liked how the picture turned out!
2. When your body first showed signs it was plotting against you.
Yeah...there's no getting out of that one. Your first pimples, your feet growing twice their size in one year. My 6th grade year I had four pairs of tennis shoes because I went from like a size 5 to 9 just like that.
3. The deadly combination of lunch period and braces.
Middle school is also the time where fasting was a thing. By the time I had braces I was rarely eating lunch anyway, so that one wasn't as bad for me. Though I distinctly remember being at Chik A Filet and getting like half my sandwich stuck in my braces...the struggle was indeed real.
4. Seeing your crush holding hands with someone who WASN'T YOU. Ahhhhhh about that...totally had a crush on the same guy as one of my best friends. Never ended up dating either of us (unless you count 45 minutes in 7th grade haha) and then got a TERRIBLE reputation for asking out like six girls a week in 8th grade. Totally hurt at first because it's like "YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME" but then you see what a d-bag he is and it's not so bad lol
5. Trying to get the whole "slow dance" thing down. Yeah that one wasn't conquered until prom...usually whenever there was a slow dance song my group of friends would migrate towards the refreshments/bathrooms
6. And grinding. That came into play in 7th-8th grade. Totally disgusting...even when I finally partook with someone junior year of high school it felt like he was trying to have sex with me on the dance floor. Totally not cool.
7. The agony of getting dumped by THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE via their best friends. Thankfully never dated in middle school so never experienced this first hand. Totally witnessed it, though. Those poor naive middle schoolers
8. The stench of Axe mixed with body odor oozing from the boy's locker room. The guys and girls locker rooms weren't even close to each other! But coming out of the girls locker room and being able to smell it...like who really needs THAT much?
9. The abrupt sexual awakening that came out of NOWHERE. I once tried to flirt with my science partner by slipping internet lingo into a passed note. Obviously I was ahead of the trend of putting "haha" or "lol" without actually laughing because he gave my a funny look and was like...you put lol but you're not laughing...what is wrong with you...
10. ...And having NO IDEA what to do with all the urges. Also when I was in 7th grade one of my brother's friends tried flirting with me by buying my starbursts, giving them to me through my brother, and asking me to play yu-gi-oh with him. Oh the pubescent struggle...
11. Forgetting your locker combination AND YOU'RE ALREADY LATE. Forgetting my locker combination actually wasn't my issue...in 6th grade when school started I still had a cast on my right hand completely covering my index and middle finger. Trying to open that thing was an absolute nightmare. The week before school I was having panic attacks because I didn't know how I was going to get my stuff in and out of my locker. After the first week I figured things out, and for a while afterwards it was almost easier for me to open my locks with my left hand instead of my right!
12. The formation of cliques...Eh that happened in elementary school. Totally got an invitation to join the popular kids in 2nd/3rd grade (which consisted of playing with them at recess) turned them down to pretend to be girl dogs with my best friend chasing boy dogs. Can't say I regret the decision haha
13. ...And resorting to extremes to fit in to the "cool" clique. Along the same lines freshman year in gym class we had to learn certain dances and some of them required partner work and I was actually pretty decent at them so I did them with a good friend and things were good only for one of the popular boys to ask if he could do it with me because I knew what I was doing and I totally thought he was asking me to be a jerk...still one of the strangest things that has happened to me haha
14. Being the last to know about an embarrassing nickname you were given. Actually that was in high school too. Found out that there were some show choir girls that nicknamed me "beluga" and were mad that I not only wasn't in the back but I had a dance partner too. They weren't the smartest of girls and totally weren't hiding their conversations about me on MySpace so I ended up calling them out on it...and one apologized and the other was like "hey you can't use that nickname that's ours"...she's a few fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean ;)
15. Learning about STDs in health class IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY. STDs weren't the weird stuff. We had to do skits for certain ailments and mine was alcoholism...totally went CSI/L&O style and got freaking extra credit for the effort we put in...giving me a higher grade than the valedictorian.
16. Getting a note confiscated that was meant for your BFF's EYES ONLY. HAH! This happened to me once in 7th grade social studies. He didn't read it out loud but he gave it back to me after class and was like "yeah you're not the only one complaining about (whatever I was complaining about). The friend who I was passing it to was super embarrassed though because she thought I had written about her crush in it.
17. The exact moment you realized you needed to start wearing deodorant on the daily. There were some days where I'd forget and not notice a thing. There were also days where I realized I forgot and would ask to go to the bathroom in first period so I could put soap on my armpits in hopes for at least SOME relief.
18. ANYTIME your parents would drop you off. Well you can't drive in middle school so I wouldn't call that one awkward. My dad took us to school everyday and my mom picked us up so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Really for me riding the bus was worse.
19. Or chaperon a dance. THANKFULLY neither of my parents chaperoned a dance. My mom would join PTO so I could go to all the dances/rec nights for free and that was the end of her involvement. I did have my dad chaperon a field trip in 5th grade and 12th grade though...thank goodness for having a witty cool dad :)
20. That guy who always wrote something totally inappropriate in your yearbook. Apparently I did not hang out with the inappropriate guys! I did have one girl take my yearbook and mark out every person SHE didn't like...did I mention it was mine and not hers? Rude.
21. And the desperation to not be the last of your friends to get a first kiss. Oh man isn't that the truth. I read the magazines, I kissed the back of my hand, I daydreamed about my science partner taking advantage of a dark classroom while watching a video...when in the end I think I was one of the first of my friends to be kissed.
But hey, at least it wasn't as traumatic as high school :P
But then, I saw this BuzzFeed article: 21 Traumatic Middle School Memories No One Will EVER Forget, and I really wanted to do a blog about if I remember those memories, if they're pertinent to where I am now, and how they've affected me.
So let's begin!
1. Seeing your ALWAYS EMBARRASSING yearbook photo for the first time.
I'm not sure if I'm actually embarrassed by any of my yearbook photos. In 6th grade it was the first year I wore jeans on picture day (I had previously worn dresses each year). But in 7th grade I was growing out my bangs so that was a little awkward. And while in 8th grade I did have braces, I actually really liked how the picture turned out!
2. When your body first showed signs it was plotting against you.
Yeah...there's no getting out of that one. Your first pimples, your feet growing twice their size in one year. My 6th grade year I had four pairs of tennis shoes because I went from like a size 5 to 9 just like that.
3. The deadly combination of lunch period and braces.
Middle school is also the time where fasting was a thing. By the time I had braces I was rarely eating lunch anyway, so that one wasn't as bad for me. Though I distinctly remember being at Chik A Filet and getting like half my sandwich stuck in my braces...the struggle was indeed real.
4. Seeing your crush holding hands with someone who WASN'T YOU. Ahhhhhh about that...totally had a crush on the same guy as one of my best friends. Never ended up dating either of us (unless you count 45 minutes in 7th grade haha) and then got a TERRIBLE reputation for asking out like six girls a week in 8th grade. Totally hurt at first because it's like "YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME" but then you see what a d-bag he is and it's not so bad lol
5. Trying to get the whole "slow dance" thing down. Yeah that one wasn't conquered until prom...usually whenever there was a slow dance song my group of friends would migrate towards the refreshments/bathrooms
6. And grinding. That came into play in 7th-8th grade. Totally disgusting...even when I finally partook with someone junior year of high school it felt like he was trying to have sex with me on the dance floor. Totally not cool.
7. The agony of getting dumped by THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE via their best friends. Thankfully never dated in middle school so never experienced this first hand. Totally witnessed it, though. Those poor naive middle schoolers
8. The stench of Axe mixed with body odor oozing from the boy's locker room. The guys and girls locker rooms weren't even close to each other! But coming out of the girls locker room and being able to smell it...like who really needs THAT much?
9. The abrupt sexual awakening that came out of NOWHERE. I once tried to flirt with my science partner by slipping internet lingo into a passed note. Obviously I was ahead of the trend of putting "haha" or "lol" without actually laughing because he gave my a funny look and was like...you put lol but you're not laughing...what is wrong with you...
10. ...And having NO IDEA what to do with all the urges. Also when I was in 7th grade one of my brother's friends tried flirting with me by buying my starbursts, giving them to me through my brother, and asking me to play yu-gi-oh with him. Oh the pubescent struggle...
11. Forgetting your locker combination AND YOU'RE ALREADY LATE. Forgetting my locker combination actually wasn't my issue...in 6th grade when school started I still had a cast on my right hand completely covering my index and middle finger. Trying to open that thing was an absolute nightmare. The week before school I was having panic attacks because I didn't know how I was going to get my stuff in and out of my locker. After the first week I figured things out, and for a while afterwards it was almost easier for me to open my locks with my left hand instead of my right!
12. The formation of cliques...Eh that happened in elementary school. Totally got an invitation to join the popular kids in 2nd/3rd grade (which consisted of playing with them at recess) turned them down to pretend to be girl dogs with my best friend chasing boy dogs. Can't say I regret the decision haha
13. ...And resorting to extremes to fit in to the "cool" clique. Along the same lines freshman year in gym class we had to learn certain dances and some of them required partner work and I was actually pretty decent at them so I did them with a good friend and things were good only for one of the popular boys to ask if he could do it with me because I knew what I was doing and I totally thought he was asking me to be a jerk...still one of the strangest things that has happened to me haha
14. Being the last to know about an embarrassing nickname you were given. Actually that was in high school too. Found out that there were some show choir girls that nicknamed me "beluga" and were mad that I not only wasn't in the back but I had a dance partner too. They weren't the smartest of girls and totally weren't hiding their conversations about me on MySpace so I ended up calling them out on it...and one apologized and the other was like "hey you can't use that nickname that's ours"...she's a few fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean ;)
15. Learning about STDs in health class IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY. STDs weren't the weird stuff. We had to do skits for certain ailments and mine was alcoholism...totally went CSI/L&O style and got freaking extra credit for the effort we put in...giving me a higher grade than the valedictorian.
16. Getting a note confiscated that was meant for your BFF's EYES ONLY. HAH! This happened to me once in 7th grade social studies. He didn't read it out loud but he gave it back to me after class and was like "yeah you're not the only one complaining about (whatever I was complaining about). The friend who I was passing it to was super embarrassed though because she thought I had written about her crush in it.
17. The exact moment you realized you needed to start wearing deodorant on the daily. There were some days where I'd forget and not notice a thing. There were also days where I realized I forgot and would ask to go to the bathroom in first period so I could put soap on my armpits in hopes for at least SOME relief.
18. ANYTIME your parents would drop you off. Well you can't drive in middle school so I wouldn't call that one awkward. My dad took us to school everyday and my mom picked us up so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Really for me riding the bus was worse.
19. Or chaperon a dance. THANKFULLY neither of my parents chaperoned a dance. My mom would join PTO so I could go to all the dances/rec nights for free and that was the end of her involvement. I did have my dad chaperon a field trip in 5th grade and 12th grade though...thank goodness for having a witty cool dad :)
20. That guy who always wrote something totally inappropriate in your yearbook. Apparently I did not hang out with the inappropriate guys! I did have one girl take my yearbook and mark out every person SHE didn't like...did I mention it was mine and not hers? Rude.
21. And the desperation to not be the last of your friends to get a first kiss. Oh man isn't that the truth. I read the magazines, I kissed the back of my hand, I daydreamed about my science partner taking advantage of a dark classroom while watching a video...when in the end I think I was one of the first of my friends to be kissed.
But hey, at least it wasn't as traumatic as high school :P
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
The Best Birthday Letter
I've always had mixed feelings about my birthday. Sometimes it surprises me at being completely awesome; sometimes my expectations are set too high and I end up disappointed. Sometimes things completely out of my control make it better or worse for no reason at all! I have a feeling this year is going to be a mix of all three :)
When I was still a manager at the movie theater, we would get visited by mystery secret shoppers on how good of a job we were doing. I found out what company provided the shoppers and signed up to be one myself. You get reimbursed for the money you spend so it's basically a free meal, movie, hotel stay, etc and you just have to fill out a report! It's completely online, so I've never met anyone through the company.
However, I still got an e-mail from them today, and this is what it said:
Hi there, birthday human!
Yeah, you thought you could keep it a secret from us - but we're smarter than that (we think). Even though you may be mysterious enough to be an esteemed member of the mystery shopping team, you can't hide the fact that the sun has moved, and the stars have aligned, or the earth has rotated, and the moon has shimmied, or the earth has revoluted, or ... you get the point. Yes, on this very day, you were a-borned lo those many years ago (hey, not THAT many, you may protest). But no matter, we didn't come here to quibble over your age. We came here, actually, collectively and with great love in our hearts, to chime in and wish you Many Happy Returns on your most magical and momentous birth celebration, or to cut to the chase a wee bit, to jump out from behind the curtain and in full throat bellow the wondrous words, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" (Sorry about that ... I hope we didn't alarm you to the point that you screamed and dropped the lemon meringue pie you were carrying.)
Thank you ever so much for being a part of our team on this day, and all days! We wish we could celebrate with you in person, but just know that we are thinking about you and stand in awe of all that you do, desiring nothing but the best for you and your'n. Now, get out there and enjoy your day! We'll be awaiting your return with the proverbial bated breath (and an oxygen cart nearby just in case you're unduly delayed - after all, partying is an art form and not to be rushed) and hope that you visit us where you will be able to find and secure the mystery shop of your dreams!
All the best from your friends and happy-go-lucky partyers!
I mean...seriously? How cute is that? I don't care that it's a generic message they probably send to everyone. It's witty and funny and completely made my day :)
When I was still a manager at the movie theater, we would get visited by mystery secret shoppers on how good of a job we were doing. I found out what company provided the shoppers and signed up to be one myself. You get reimbursed for the money you spend so it's basically a free meal, movie, hotel stay, etc and you just have to fill out a report! It's completely online, so I've never met anyone through the company.
However, I still got an e-mail from them today, and this is what it said:
Hi there, birthday human!
Yeah, you thought you could keep it a secret from us - but we're smarter than that (we think). Even though you may be mysterious enough to be an esteemed member of the mystery shopping team, you can't hide the fact that the sun has moved, and the stars have aligned, or the earth has rotated, and the moon has shimmied, or the earth has revoluted, or ... you get the point. Yes, on this very day, you were a-borned lo those many years ago (hey, not THAT many, you may protest). But no matter, we didn't come here to quibble over your age. We came here, actually, collectively and with great love in our hearts, to chime in and wish you Many Happy Returns on your most magical and momentous birth celebration, or to cut to the chase a wee bit, to jump out from behind the curtain and in full throat bellow the wondrous words, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" (Sorry about that ... I hope we didn't alarm you to the point that you screamed and dropped the lemon meringue pie you were carrying.)
Thank you ever so much for being a part of our team on this day, and all days! We wish we could celebrate with you in person, but just know that we are thinking about you and stand in awe of all that you do, desiring nothing but the best for you and your'n. Now, get out there and enjoy your day! We'll be awaiting your return with the proverbial bated breath (and an oxygen cart nearby just in case you're unduly delayed - after all, partying is an art form and not to be rushed) and hope that you visit us where you will be able to find and secure the mystery shop of your dreams!
All the best from your friends and happy-go-lucky partyers!
I mean...seriously? How cute is that? I don't care that it's a generic message they probably send to everyone. It's witty and funny and completely made my day :)
Friday, March 6, 2015
As If Words Could Ever Do It Justice
There's a feeling that I've had for almost a month now. It's hard to blurt out because it's a reciprocal action. Or at least it's best when it's a reciprocal action.
It's hard to describe. You hear it in songs and see it in movies and read it in books. Centuries of artists have spent their entire lives trying to depict it in one way or another. All of this makes it seem almost cliché, even though it's a feeling we all know exists even if we never feel it.
How sad would it be if no one truly ever felt it. You get it from your parents, family, friends, and significant others. What if you were in a situation where we never felt that? Or what if you couldn't perceive it? I see people everyday in a depressive state...what if it completely inhibits you from feeling what others are emoting to you?
It feels so weird trying to describe it, especially because I don't know how to without using the words that countless others have used before.
I've been in relationships where I've "been in love" but it never hit me like this. Like, this isn't just me wanting to tell him because he told me or because we're in a relationship or whatever. He was making me laugh and I looked into his eyes and BAM I can't breathe because all I want to do is clear out a path for the rest of my life because I love him. It's the strange urge to laugh and cry at the same time...or be tickled for the rest of your life even though it's near torturous. It's more than just being vulnerable. I've never actually wanted to be this vulnerable before. Even when I think back to "first love" or "longest love" or even "lost love" ...it was never this impacting, scary, or...crazy! Like on one hand it's a flame that I can feel consume me from my toes to my head...and on the other it feels like it barely impacts my everyday life until I think about him or hear from him and BAM once again it consumes me.
I think that's the best way to describe it. I feel completely consumed by love. And it's not even the grandiose things that keep it alive. In fact, more often than not it's the smaller things. Like...when we were talking about Valentine's Day and he thinks it's a commercial holiday and I love every bit of it...he was going through a lot but still texted me just after midnight, wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. There's something about the gesture...I wasn't expecting to hear from him and he had a totally legitimate reason to not say anything...but he did :)
There's also a social cue in English where when we are talking about our parents we say "my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, etc". The possessive pronoun "my" is present. Once you drop the pronoun, it's all of a sudden more...intimate. There truly is a connotation different between "Hey I can't talk my mom is in the hospital and I have to get my sister" versus "Hey, mom is in the hospital and I have to pick up Rachel." The familiarity that is there is so so subtle...but I love it.
It's a love that makes me want to go back in time and find myself and tell me that what I felt with others isn't as good as it gets. There's more love, better love, and when you feel it...it's the best thing ever.
It's hard to describe. You hear it in songs and see it in movies and read it in books. Centuries of artists have spent their entire lives trying to depict it in one way or another. All of this makes it seem almost cliché, even though it's a feeling we all know exists even if we never feel it.
How sad would it be if no one truly ever felt it. You get it from your parents, family, friends, and significant others. What if you were in a situation where we never felt that? Or what if you couldn't perceive it? I see people everyday in a depressive state...what if it completely inhibits you from feeling what others are emoting to you?
It feels so weird trying to describe it, especially because I don't know how to without using the words that countless others have used before.
I've been in relationships where I've "been in love" but it never hit me like this. Like, this isn't just me wanting to tell him because he told me or because we're in a relationship or whatever. He was making me laugh and I looked into his eyes and BAM I can't breathe because all I want to do is clear out a path for the rest of my life because I love him. It's the strange urge to laugh and cry at the same time...or be tickled for the rest of your life even though it's near torturous. It's more than just being vulnerable. I've never actually wanted to be this vulnerable before. Even when I think back to "first love" or "longest love" or even "lost love" ...it was never this impacting, scary, or...crazy! Like on one hand it's a flame that I can feel consume me from my toes to my head...and on the other it feels like it barely impacts my everyday life until I think about him or hear from him and BAM once again it consumes me.
I think that's the best way to describe it. I feel completely consumed by love. And it's not even the grandiose things that keep it alive. In fact, more often than not it's the smaller things. Like...when we were talking about Valentine's Day and he thinks it's a commercial holiday and I love every bit of it...he was going through a lot but still texted me just after midnight, wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. There's something about the gesture...I wasn't expecting to hear from him and he had a totally legitimate reason to not say anything...but he did :)
There's also a social cue in English where when we are talking about our parents we say "my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, etc". The possessive pronoun "my" is present. Once you drop the pronoun, it's all of a sudden more...intimate. There truly is a connotation different between "Hey I can't talk my mom is in the hospital and I have to get my sister" versus "Hey, mom is in the hospital and I have to pick up Rachel." The familiarity that is there is so so subtle...but I love it.
It's a love that makes me want to go back in time and find myself and tell me that what I felt with others isn't as good as it gets. There's more love, better love, and when you feel it...it's the best thing ever.
Finding Forgiveness
It was impulse to e-mail you last month. I've been working for a few months to justify forgiving you in my head so I can let go and move on. It's hard. To me, you were it. You were the end all be all, and you very much broke my heart, and I'm sorry for it.
You had been on my mind. I saw the article on Facebook and I saw parallels from what you were always complaining about being wrong in your life and substance abuse. I had just found out that one of my classmates that I had known since kindergarten had died from heroin overdose. It was enough of a parallel for me to feel the need to notify you, hoping you'd connect the dots and realize there are probably more ways to create your own happiness than you are channeling. That was the only purpose of me sending that e-mail.
This message is sent with intention. As much as I would love to rip you apart and try with all my might to make you feel guilty about what you did to me, that's not going to help me let go. That's not going to help me move on. If I anchor hate for you in me, you'll always be there, and ten months after the fact, I'm ready to move on. I'm ready for you not to be there anymore. While you might not need this message, I need to send it. I need to know that I have acknowledged forgiving you and moving on. Please excuse the selfish act. Feel free to not respond, make fun of on social media, take seriously, or whatever works for you. This just works for me.
I suppose I knew when we started the relationship that you were capable of cheating on me. You almost cheated on M with me--you had said you wanted to--and because of that I should not have been surprised that you were also capable of cheating on me. The only reason you didn't cheat on her is because I didn't let you. I didn't let you have me until we were both out of relationships. I should have known that most people don't follow such rules or wait for such formalities...I should have known better. I suppose I thought I was different, especially since the first time we dated we broke up because you had said you wanted to cheat on me, yet you didn't. Sure you could cheat on someone else because they weren't who you were supposed to end up with; I thought I was. So therefore if you finally got back with me, you wouldn't feel the need to cheat. It's naive to think that, though I suppose I've really always been a naive girl. Life goes on, and hopefully I will as well.
I forgive you for betraying my trust and breaking our relationship. I don't believe you did it to hurt me. I don't blame you for justifying it in your head. I'm sure it was easy to get caught up in the moment. I don't blame the girl for going through with it, knowing you were in a relationship. I'm sure she just liked you enough to hope it was a risk worth taking. I forgive you for lying to me. I'm sure you were trying to protect me somehow. I forgive you for everything I know you did, and for anything I never found out. I don't want to know if there was more I never found out, but whether there was or wasn't, I forgive you of those thoughts and actions.
As much as I would love to dramatically say "and this is the last you'll hear from me" I don't want to be so absolute. Besides the fact that I saw your mother less than a month after we had broken up, I've always had a penchant for contacting you for one reason or another. I won't deny that old habits die hard. However, this is my act to let go, start to pick up the pieces, and move on. I hope you are doing (or have done) the same. I'm no longer trying to shut you completely out, or pretend you never existed, or hope malice comes your way. I simply want to move on, and I hope this helps me do so.
I apologize that this couldn't have been a passive act; it's hard for me to know that you'll read this and have the ability to reply. I hope life is not terrible for you, and if our paths cross again that it won't be the end of either our worlds.
You had been on my mind. I saw the article on Facebook and I saw parallels from what you were always complaining about being wrong in your life and substance abuse. I had just found out that one of my classmates that I had known since kindergarten had died from heroin overdose. It was enough of a parallel for me to feel the need to notify you, hoping you'd connect the dots and realize there are probably more ways to create your own happiness than you are channeling. That was the only purpose of me sending that e-mail.
This message is sent with intention. As much as I would love to rip you apart and try with all my might to make you feel guilty about what you did to me, that's not going to help me let go. That's not going to help me move on. If I anchor hate for you in me, you'll always be there, and ten months after the fact, I'm ready to move on. I'm ready for you not to be there anymore. While you might not need this message, I need to send it. I need to know that I have acknowledged forgiving you and moving on. Please excuse the selfish act. Feel free to not respond, make fun of on social media, take seriously, or whatever works for you. This just works for me.
I suppose I knew when we started the relationship that you were capable of cheating on me. You almost cheated on M with me--you had said you wanted to--and because of that I should not have been surprised that you were also capable of cheating on me. The only reason you didn't cheat on her is because I didn't let you. I didn't let you have me until we were both out of relationships. I should have known that most people don't follow such rules or wait for such formalities...I should have known better. I suppose I thought I was different, especially since the first time we dated we broke up because you had said you wanted to cheat on me, yet you didn't. Sure you could cheat on someone else because they weren't who you were supposed to end up with; I thought I was. So therefore if you finally got back with me, you wouldn't feel the need to cheat. It's naive to think that, though I suppose I've really always been a naive girl. Life goes on, and hopefully I will as well.
I forgive you for betraying my trust and breaking our relationship. I don't believe you did it to hurt me. I don't blame you for justifying it in your head. I'm sure it was easy to get caught up in the moment. I don't blame the girl for going through with it, knowing you were in a relationship. I'm sure she just liked you enough to hope it was a risk worth taking. I forgive you for lying to me. I'm sure you were trying to protect me somehow. I forgive you for everything I know you did, and for anything I never found out. I don't want to know if there was more I never found out, but whether there was or wasn't, I forgive you of those thoughts and actions.
As much as I would love to dramatically say "and this is the last you'll hear from me" I don't want to be so absolute. Besides the fact that I saw your mother less than a month after we had broken up, I've always had a penchant for contacting you for one reason or another. I won't deny that old habits die hard. However, this is my act to let go, start to pick up the pieces, and move on. I hope you are doing (or have done) the same. I'm no longer trying to shut you completely out, or pretend you never existed, or hope malice comes your way. I simply want to move on, and I hope this helps me do so.
I apologize that this couldn't have been a passive act; it's hard for me to know that you'll read this and have the ability to reply. I hope life is not terrible for you, and if our paths cross again that it won't be the end of either our worlds.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Unstoppable House Hack of Joy
When I was younger I used to call the laundry soap aisle "the aroma therapy" aisle because I loved how it smelled. It was always a pleasure when we randomly had fabric softener in the house and I never knew until after the laundry was done and we'd be completely out. (Thus is life)
I first saw this idea on Pinterest. They said use a wax burner and Downy Unstoppables, of which I had none. However, I do have a candle warmer, and a couple glass bowls...surely something could be done. Low and behold I get to Target and they have a sample size of Unstoppables. How can I say no to this golden opportunity!
Not only are the melted dots a fantastic shade of blue, but the smell. Oooohhh the smell. I'm so excited Pinterest didn't let me down! I put in a capful, and it started smelling like the gods before it had even all melted. Probably the best part is how the smell travels...I could smell it from my room! I could bathe in this smell, I don't know any better.
So good. So unbelievably good :)
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Mine, I tell you, MINE!
Usually, my 8th graders are my favorites. They already have a foundation of French, we have a mutual appreciation for the language, they're smarter and maturer than most other students in the school...I love them. They're awesome.
My 7th graders were not thrown in the best situation. Because I was not hired until the week before school started, the 6th grade academy cut off enrollment and only allowed one period be made for these kids. I have 33 kids in one classroom, all with varying language backgrounds and language learning experience, and I have to provide all the motivation and explanations so that they can make sense of why they're learning what they are. One of my 7th graders was beyond confused because this wasn't how we learn English when we're younger so why are we learning French this way, and let me tell you it is not easy to explain Language Acquisition Theory to a 12 year old lol.
It's been in the forefront of my mind for a while now that it is only I who is responsible for teaching these kids what they need to know to do well in high school French. There's no previous knowledge/learning, there's no other teacher, it's just me. When they get to the high school it's going to be very evident that if they don't know something then it's my fault. You know, no pressure :P
On top of teaching French and English as a New Language all day, I'm in charge of the annual EL testing, which is taking place right now. In the course of 10 school days I will have had 4--maybe 5--substitute teachers. On top of that, ISTEP is approaching directly following the EL testing, and right now it looks like due to that testing schedule, I will only be seeing my French students for 16 minutes everyday for what looks like three straight weeks. While I have no control over these things, It's getting me down, and I feel like I'm not giving my students their best teacher to prepare them for high school.
I was conveying all of this to my 7th graders because I had to postpone one of their quizzes for the second time. While I got an applause for it (I mean what 7th grader actually likes taking quizzes?) I felt terrible about it. It made me feel unreliable and like I wasn't keeping my word to these students who have nothing else to go on but my word. It was disheartening, and I apologized profusely for it, saying I completely understood if they wanted to talk to a counselor or administrator about it. I come in today, in higher spirits and a plan in action, and before the period ends I am presented with a poster signed by everyone in the class saying that "You're the best teacher!!!!". I'm still beyond words. I'm so blessed and thankful and I want to tell the world how awesome my kids are...
And then it dawned on me. My 7th graders ARE my kids. I'm the ONLY French teacher they'll have until high school. I GET to teach them everything they'll need to know for high school. My methods are the ones that will establish their foundation, and most likely be the ones that they remember most. No one can take that power away from me, and as much as I love my 8th graders, I'll never have that with them.
It was so empowering to realize that my kids, the ones that are actually MINE, appreciate me. Not because they didn't like their former teacher or they can relate to me better than someone else, but because I am their teacher and they enjoy what I present to them.
Working with 33 kids in one class is a challenge. Finding a way that they all understand to learn a new language is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. But damn, I wouldn't let anyone take it away from me if they tried. :)
My 7th graders were not thrown in the best situation. Because I was not hired until the week before school started, the 6th grade academy cut off enrollment and only allowed one period be made for these kids. I have 33 kids in one classroom, all with varying language backgrounds and language learning experience, and I have to provide all the motivation and explanations so that they can make sense of why they're learning what they are. One of my 7th graders was beyond confused because this wasn't how we learn English when we're younger so why are we learning French this way, and let me tell you it is not easy to explain Language Acquisition Theory to a 12 year old lol.
It's been in the forefront of my mind for a while now that it is only I who is responsible for teaching these kids what they need to know to do well in high school French. There's no previous knowledge/learning, there's no other teacher, it's just me. When they get to the high school it's going to be very evident that if they don't know something then it's my fault. You know, no pressure :P
On top of teaching French and English as a New Language all day, I'm in charge of the annual EL testing, which is taking place right now. In the course of 10 school days I will have had 4--maybe 5--substitute teachers. On top of that, ISTEP is approaching directly following the EL testing, and right now it looks like due to that testing schedule, I will only be seeing my French students for 16 minutes everyday for what looks like three straight weeks. While I have no control over these things, It's getting me down, and I feel like I'm not giving my students their best teacher to prepare them for high school.
I was conveying all of this to my 7th graders because I had to postpone one of their quizzes for the second time. While I got an applause for it (I mean what 7th grader actually likes taking quizzes?) I felt terrible about it. It made me feel unreliable and like I wasn't keeping my word to these students who have nothing else to go on but my word. It was disheartening, and I apologized profusely for it, saying I completely understood if they wanted to talk to a counselor or administrator about it. I come in today, in higher spirits and a plan in action, and before the period ends I am presented with a poster signed by everyone in the class saying that "You're the best teacher!!!!". I'm still beyond words. I'm so blessed and thankful and I want to tell the world how awesome my kids are...
And then it dawned on me. My 7th graders ARE my kids. I'm the ONLY French teacher they'll have until high school. I GET to teach them everything they'll need to know for high school. My methods are the ones that will establish their foundation, and most likely be the ones that they remember most. No one can take that power away from me, and as much as I love my 8th graders, I'll never have that with them.
It was so empowering to realize that my kids, the ones that are actually MINE, appreciate me. Not because they didn't like their former teacher or they can relate to me better than someone else, but because I am their teacher and they enjoy what I present to them.
Working with 33 kids in one class is a challenge. Finding a way that they all understand to learn a new language is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. But damn, I wouldn't let anyone take it away from me if they tried. :)
Monday, January 26, 2015
[Insert Title Here]
I've spent the better part of a month trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog.
One thing I love about it is what it represents: emotion, progress, change, evolution, perception, memories, truth, journey...
I love looking at some of the things I've written. I enjoy finding a random month and seeing if I can recall why I wrote what I did. Seeing the progression from Freshman in college mindset to first year as a full fledged adult...you can't make that stuff up. Being able to see how my views and opinions stayed the same and--more often times--changed, is very heart warming.
While I know I'll never stop changing or growing, one post I made this past year is holding extremely true to me: The rest of my life has started. And while that's a journey and mystery and adventure of its own, I'm now at a point where there are more constants than variables, and I'm ready to set some roots and explore my new adventure.
The only problem is, this kind of exploration is usually very hard to convey through the written word.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not nearly impossible to write. We look at the greatest stories written and they're able to convey every part of the journey so well that it feels like you're on the journey with them. And while I know I'm not writing for some best-seller list, I'd rather focus on experiencing this journey than writing about the experiences and holding myself to writing something once a month.
235 posts. In five years I made 235 posts. Half a decade of my life has 235 chapters...there's just something about quantifying it that makes it seem really hard to let go.
And it's not that I plan to never post again. And I'm CERTAINLY not about to delete this. But I want to post because I have something to say, or something I need to vent about, or something meaningful to me that I plan to share. If it ends up happening so often that I'm posting each month then that's a happy coincidence but not my point. I'm excited for this journey, and I plan to enjoy every step of it :)
Thank you for reading :)
One thing I love about it is what it represents: emotion, progress, change, evolution, perception, memories, truth, journey...
I love looking at some of the things I've written. I enjoy finding a random month and seeing if I can recall why I wrote what I did. Seeing the progression from Freshman in college mindset to first year as a full fledged adult...you can't make that stuff up. Being able to see how my views and opinions stayed the same and--more often times--changed, is very heart warming.
While I know I'll never stop changing or growing, one post I made this past year is holding extremely true to me: The rest of my life has started. And while that's a journey and mystery and adventure of its own, I'm now at a point where there are more constants than variables, and I'm ready to set some roots and explore my new adventure.
The only problem is, this kind of exploration is usually very hard to convey through the written word.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not nearly impossible to write. We look at the greatest stories written and they're able to convey every part of the journey so well that it feels like you're on the journey with them. And while I know I'm not writing for some best-seller list, I'd rather focus on experiencing this journey than writing about the experiences and holding myself to writing something once a month.
235 posts. In five years I made 235 posts. Half a decade of my life has 235 chapters...there's just something about quantifying it that makes it seem really hard to let go.
And it's not that I plan to never post again. And I'm CERTAINLY not about to delete this. But I want to post because I have something to say, or something I need to vent about, or something meaningful to me that I plan to share. If it ends up happening so often that I'm posting each month then that's a happy coincidence but not my point. I'm excited for this journey, and I plan to enjoy every step of it :)
Thank you for reading :)
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