Despite my idiocy, today has been one of the best days I have had in a long time.
I don't remember the last time I have felt this happy, content, and in control of my life. Everything is going my way.
And I won't let you bring me down.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Divorce
Divorce is a touchy subject that has been on my mind for a while now.
In part because of my parents, in part because of some TV shows I watch, in part because of a book I just read, and in part because of me and my boyfriend.
To me, divorce is disgusting and necessary at the same time, and I hate how divided I am on this subject. On one hand, I see divorce as a cop-out and coward's way to not deal with the hard stuff that marriage throws at you. On the other, I see divorce as a mature way to part with a previously loved one in order to find the one who you won't have to divorce.
I tend not to sympathize with the latter because if you married someone in the first place, you should have been confident in your decision and stuck with it, even when it got hard.
Because the way I look at marriage, I look at two people promising to spend the rest of their lives together through any imaginable hardship. I mean, we yell at the President when he doesn't keep his promises, why don't we yell at the divorcees for not keeping theirs?
I love the movie "What Happens in Vegas" with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher because they are sentenced to "a year of cold hard marriage with marriage counseling to keep tabs on them". Even when they want a divorce the judge makes them really try first. I almost feel that this would be beneficial for all couples trying to get out of a marriage because then you can have a professional opinion that these two people are not meant for each other and for the benefit of humanity they should not be together.
My one flaw in every single one of these thoughts is CHEATING. Violence is up there too, but violence can be dealt with legally other than a divorce, cheating can't. Cheating is saying "to hell with getting into the legalities of a divorce I'll do what I want". Cheating is taking the coward's way of ending a marriage. Cheating is doing something just to make your partner decide instead of yourself.
Why should someone in a marriage suffer because he/she kept promises that the partner did not? Why should he/she keep their promises when the other didn't? Where. Is. That. Line?
I've always thought that I'd be mad at my parents for getting a divorce, but I'm seeing now that's because I'd be viewing them as the criminals who didn't keep their promises, not the victims of an unhealthy marriage. Which one is right?
All my life I have wanted to be married. At one point I wanted 8 children on top of that! Because of this, I had always wanted to be married right out of school so that I wouldn't be old when I started/finished having kids. I always saw it as a logical path to take.
Well, I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and he gave me a promise ring for Christmas. We both said that our promise rings were for a promise of the future, no matter what that be. I'm only realizing now that this is easily seen as a pre-engagement ring, which means that we are promising to stay together for the rest of our lives, here at 20/21 years old. Supposing we're going to live to be approximately 80, that's a huge 60ish year promise we're talking about!
There are times where I catch myself thinking that I haven't been in a relationship long enough to have earned this. I look at people who have been dating for 2 or 3 years that don't have promise rings yet...and I also look at people who have been dating for 2 or 3 years that only just now have promise rings. I always tell myself that everyone views relationships differently, which is true, and certain symbols mean different things to people, which is also true, but sometimes I do catch myself wondering if we should have waited.
This isn't me questioning how I feel about Zack. I truly believe in the promises that we made to each other. But the one thing that I have learned when it comes to relationship is that they change, as do the people in the relationships. Sometimes they all change in a way that makes things better and more united than before, but sometimes they don't...and all of a sudden you have no idea what happened to the person you promised to all that time ago.
This is the first time in my life that I have considered waiting on marriage. I have pictured SEVERAL times my perfect proposal at my college graduation ceremony and my summer wedding in between school years. I've been PHYSICALLY WRITING DOWN PLANS for about a year now, and now is the first time I'm questioning them. I actually think that waiting a couple more years to get married would be smarter than jumping into it right after college.
Trust me, this is a break through for me. My mom is still worried I'm going to elope without her that's how gung-ho I've always been about marriage.
But I've been thinking...I've always wanted to prove "them" wrong. You know, when "they" say that 51% of all marriages end in divorce, I want to be part of the 49%. But is getting married right out of college the way to do that, because the statistics show that younger marriages don't last as long.
I don't want to make that mistake. Above ANYTHING I don't want to be the one who has to get a divorce. I don't care if anyone else does, I don't want it to be me.
I mean, by the time I graduate, Zack and I will have 2+ years under our belt, 3+ years when he graduates. I don't think I'd mind having 5 years or so under my belt before getting engaged, and then a year or two engagement. I want to be sure in my decision. I don't want to have this shot gun wedding, not know what we're getting into, and then be single again 20 years later. I want to make my promises and MEAN THEM! AND KEEP THEM! I want to be able to say with conviction that I know what I'm doing and I know that I'm doing the right thing.
And by God if it's my wedding day and you ask me those questions and I can't answer them please by all means give me chloroform and drag me out of there because that groom does not deserve what hell I would give him in the future.
I have been taught all my life to honor the promises I make. I have no intentions of stopping once I get married.
In part because of my parents, in part because of some TV shows I watch, in part because of a book I just read, and in part because of me and my boyfriend.
To me, divorce is disgusting and necessary at the same time, and I hate how divided I am on this subject. On one hand, I see divorce as a cop-out and coward's way to not deal with the hard stuff that marriage throws at you. On the other, I see divorce as a mature way to part with a previously loved one in order to find the one who you won't have to divorce.
I tend not to sympathize with the latter because if you married someone in the first place, you should have been confident in your decision and stuck with it, even when it got hard.
Because the way I look at marriage, I look at two people promising to spend the rest of their lives together through any imaginable hardship. I mean, we yell at the President when he doesn't keep his promises, why don't we yell at the divorcees for not keeping theirs?
I love the movie "What Happens in Vegas" with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher because they are sentenced to "a year of cold hard marriage with marriage counseling to keep tabs on them". Even when they want a divorce the judge makes them really try first. I almost feel that this would be beneficial for all couples trying to get out of a marriage because then you can have a professional opinion that these two people are not meant for each other and for the benefit of humanity they should not be together.
My one flaw in every single one of these thoughts is CHEATING. Violence is up there too, but violence can be dealt with legally other than a divorce, cheating can't. Cheating is saying "to hell with getting into the legalities of a divorce I'll do what I want". Cheating is taking the coward's way of ending a marriage. Cheating is doing something just to make your partner decide instead of yourself.
Why should someone in a marriage suffer because he/she kept promises that the partner did not? Why should he/she keep their promises when the other didn't? Where. Is. That. Line?
I've always thought that I'd be mad at my parents for getting a divorce, but I'm seeing now that's because I'd be viewing them as the criminals who didn't keep their promises, not the victims of an unhealthy marriage. Which one is right?
All my life I have wanted to be married. At one point I wanted 8 children on top of that! Because of this, I had always wanted to be married right out of school so that I wouldn't be old when I started/finished having kids. I always saw it as a logical path to take.
Well, I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and he gave me a promise ring for Christmas. We both said that our promise rings were for a promise of the future, no matter what that be. I'm only realizing now that this is easily seen as a pre-engagement ring, which means that we are promising to stay together for the rest of our lives, here at 20/21 years old. Supposing we're going to live to be approximately 80, that's a huge 60ish year promise we're talking about!
There are times where I catch myself thinking that I haven't been in a relationship long enough to have earned this. I look at people who have been dating for 2 or 3 years that don't have promise rings yet...and I also look at people who have been dating for 2 or 3 years that only just now have promise rings. I always tell myself that everyone views relationships differently, which is true, and certain symbols mean different things to people, which is also true, but sometimes I do catch myself wondering if we should have waited.
This isn't me questioning how I feel about Zack. I truly believe in the promises that we made to each other. But the one thing that I have learned when it comes to relationship is that they change, as do the people in the relationships. Sometimes they all change in a way that makes things better and more united than before, but sometimes they don't...and all of a sudden you have no idea what happened to the person you promised to all that time ago.
This is the first time in my life that I have considered waiting on marriage. I have pictured SEVERAL times my perfect proposal at my college graduation ceremony and my summer wedding in between school years. I've been PHYSICALLY WRITING DOWN PLANS for about a year now, and now is the first time I'm questioning them. I actually think that waiting a couple more years to get married would be smarter than jumping into it right after college.
Trust me, this is a break through for me. My mom is still worried I'm going to elope without her that's how gung-ho I've always been about marriage.
But I've been thinking...I've always wanted to prove "them" wrong. You know, when "they" say that 51% of all marriages end in divorce, I want to be part of the 49%. But is getting married right out of college the way to do that, because the statistics show that younger marriages don't last as long.
I don't want to make that mistake. Above ANYTHING I don't want to be the one who has to get a divorce. I don't care if anyone else does, I don't want it to be me.
I mean, by the time I graduate, Zack and I will have 2+ years under our belt, 3+ years when he graduates. I don't think I'd mind having 5 years or so under my belt before getting engaged, and then a year or two engagement. I want to be sure in my decision. I don't want to have this shot gun wedding, not know what we're getting into, and then be single again 20 years later. I want to make my promises and MEAN THEM! AND KEEP THEM! I want to be able to say with conviction that I know what I'm doing and I know that I'm doing the right thing.
And by God if it's my wedding day and you ask me those questions and I can't answer them please by all means give me chloroform and drag me out of there because that groom does not deserve what hell I would give him in the future.
I have been taught all my life to honor the promises I make. I have no intentions of stopping once I get married.
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