A Long Overdue Explanation

Two weeks without blogging...don't worry, I'm not dead!

So many things have happened in those two weeks too, which makes me feel badly because I never elaborated on any of them and thus you all are in the dark about my wonderful tales from Paris.

Wonderful indeed...haha

I have found that I have completely conflicting emotions concerning this trip, my experiences here, reflections, and really just everything in general. It's hard to pinpoint what I'm feeling, but here I'll try, just for you.

I know there have been several times where I've wondered about the progress of my language production and proficiency. It's hard for me because I continuously want to compare my experiences from being in France now and back in 2008. I have to consciously tell myself that it's like comparing apples and oranges because the purpose of the two programs is completely different. I don't like that I feel like I haven't gained proficiency in ANY way, but I suppose the fact that being here has kept me from losing proficiency is a compromise.

I keep on wondering if I'm going to wake up one day and forget English. I try and remember what my language was like after three/four weeks last time I was in France, and I'm pretty sure I was still struggling with some of the French production. However, this time around I am noticing a lot of "franglais" or times where I want to reply in French even if I know the person I'm talking to does not understand French. I actually think this will hold true for a few weeks back in America, so that's something to look forward to =P

I feel that once I set out to NOT be a tourist I started enjoying myself more. I didn't feel bogged down by going places I've already been or seeing things I've already seen, and that helped me let go of a lot of grudges I held for the city. The only sad thing about that is everyone else still wants to see the landmarks and be a tourist, so I ended up going on a lot of adventures by myself. The price you pay, I suppose. I have been blessed with the ability to look at a map, know where I am, and know how to proceed without being completely confused.

With that in mind, I have to say this trip did help my self-confidence quite a bit. I had always been afraid of living in big cities and relying on things like public transportation or walking everywhere not being able to trust the person next to you. Spending a month in Paris has shown me that I can adapt to the city life quite well. I know I still prefer suburbia, but at least I know I won't die if I move to intercity.

There have been some struggles, however. Besides home sickness and the mind numbingness of my classes, technology just hasn't been on my side this trip. First I thought I killed my mac charger, and now my mac just wants to follow suit. The backlight for the screen is refusing to work. Articles online say it could be from dust or the wire could be dislodged, or it might be damaged and need replacing, which is EXACTLY what I want to hear in France with a year left of university! Not... thankfully I have coaxed it into staying lit on literally the lowest setting without going completely black. And being back in the states in five days, hopefully I'll be able to sort this all out soon.

I don't like complaining about my courses because I knew from the beginning that I was going to be on the advanced side of the language, and there's nothing that my complaining will accomplish. I'm glad to be able to earn the credits I need for my major and I will say that I'm glad I came here. However, I feel that Ball State needs to reevaluate the necessity of an immersion experience in certain cases. But, that rant is for another time in a more conducive environment.

There were some great things that I got to accomplish here that I would not have been able to accomplish if I had gone to Quebec, like:

-Be part of a live studio audience for a major French news show
-See a ballet at the Opera Garnier in my own private balcony box with a friend
-Realize that I'll never get tired of seeing the Eiffel Tower lit up at night
-Create an English dub for a short film being entered in film festivals around the world
-Gain a full new appreciate for Paris

Even though I still have a few more days so I want to save my final reflections until then, I will say that if I hadn't come on this trip, then I would still have my nose in the air thinking that Paris is just a smelly city with lots of attractions for tourists who don't speak French. I don't think that at all anymore, and I can see myself actually wanting to return in the future.

And that's the final thing I want to talk about here today: returning. Just based on my homesickness from being here for a couple weeks, I am definitely not in a hurry to return anytime soon for an extensive visit. My two professors and the director of the program think that I would do very well teaching English here in France; and even though I think it would be a great opportunity I don't think I could live here for nine months with my friends, family, or significant other back in the states. However, I know Ben and I have talked about once we get jobs in schools teaming up have bringing students over here to learn about the language and history of the city. I feel that in that capacity where I get to play "expert" instead of tourist, and it's only for a week or two, I would enjoy it much more and be willing to return. And let's not mention that typically if so many students sign up the teachers get to go for free!

So I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to make any sort of update; even my other blog has suffered! I suppose just wrapping my head around the fact that I have been LIVING IN PARIS FRANCE FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS is still something I struggle with. And of course we're leaving right when we start to get accustomed! I will say that my overall experience has been positive, but I am ready to be home.

Can't wait to see you all <3